PYTpisces Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 This is kinda long. To anyone who takes the time to read it, thank you in advance. I met this guy in 2008 through a mutual friend during college in Boston. I didn't think anything of him, other than he was cute. He and I became facebook friends, but never talked. I never even saw him in person after the first meeting. After graduation in 2010 I moved to DC. This past February, I noticed he posted suicidal messages on facebook. I'm a really caring sensitive person, so I messaged him with encouragement. He didn't respond for a few days. When he did, he thanked me for my kind words and asked if we could be friends. I said of course. We exchanged numbers and began talking everyday. We talked daily, and visited each other once a month from February 2012 thru September. Our biggest problem was fighting about the status of our relationship. The insecurity was killing me, because he wasn't committed to me. He said it was a bad idea to commit now because he was dealing with depression (hence his suicidal msgs) and because we lived so far apart. I have abandonment issues, and he knows that my biggest fear was someone leaving w/o saying goodbye and never returning. During our last visit in September, he told me he loved me, and that I just need to give him time to mature and get his sh*t together. He told me to have faith in us and him. I told him how thrilled I was that I could be vulnerable with him. After my visit, we had a couple small arguments. I could sense he was getting tired of it... of feeling like nothing he did was enough. I guess my insecurity brought my fears into reality, because a couple weeks ago I asked him if he wanted to take some space from me. He thought it was a good idea, and that he would call me in a couple days. I thanked him for letting me know. He never called. A week went by and I asked him if he was okay. No response. A few more days went by and I started to get nervous. I went on his facebook page and saw some seemingly happy posts. He was alive and well. I went bollistic. I called him a few times and text him angrily asking how he could do this to me. Nothing. I'm devastated. Why couldn't he at least say goodbye? My last text to him was an apology for the mean things I said. I left it at that. My heart is so broken. I'm thankful that I never had sex with him, but I can't believe he did this. We did so many things together. Museums, day trips... you name it. Perhaps we were a perfect storm because we both carried emotional baggage. I keep waking up feeling miserable and empty and yearning for answers. Does he feel bad for hurting me? Will be come back? How do you show love and care to someone for nearly 8 months and then disappear w/o a trace. I know this happens to women (and men) all the time. What are we supposed to do to find peace and closure when there are no answers?
WhatYouWantToHear Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 What are we supposed to do to find peace and closure when there are no answers? 'Closure' isn't some mystical entity that other people decide to give or not give you. First and foremost, its a meaningless buzzword, after that, it just means getting on with your life. And that is my suggestion for you. His silence is all the anwsers you need, the rest is up to you. 1
Frank13 Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 Happens all the time. People shut down or just realize they were never that into it to begin with. This is so true. Faling in someone is very rare. Two people falling for each other is damn near imposible. It happens but is very rare which is why you see so many people here trying to cope as they loved the other person but the other person didn't love them back or lost feelings. Most people end up settling so as not to be alone. Trie love that is not one-sided? Very rare.
CopingGal Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 Hi. Sorry. Let's put some things into perspective here. What he did to you was mean, childish, and disrespectful. Don't look for closure from him, you are not going to get it. Being depressed and dealing with life is no excuse if he's going to ignore you but then post to facebook. If his life is together enough so that he can post thru facebook, he should be together enough to at least give you a response. Leave that dysfunctional fool alone. Take care of you.
Author PYTpisces Posted October 18, 2012 Author Posted October 18, 2012 Thank you! Tough to swallow but much appreciated
esteem-jam Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 I think in reality he really made you a favor. He realises You were his booster, his support in bad times. He, being insecure himself, wants to break out of his problems and ... bang as many chicks and be successful with money and whatever = what everybody wants. But he doesnt want to do it on your expense, getting support from you, because he knows it is wrong. It IS wrong! So he will keep fighting alone, on his own. 1
BewitchedandBothered Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 A person who lets you go that easily = a person who doesn't give a sh*t. I have learned that they DO come back----this is NOT something to look forward to. In fact, most times, it happens when you worked so hard to heal and move on. My ex, though he blocked me, had the nerve to email me over the summer 'wishing you well'--as he put it..BUT....At the SAME time, went around, and to this very day does so, telling people he has to delete them if they are still facebook friends of mine. If they delete me, contact him so he can re-add them. He STILL tells people I am 'evil" and "sinister", has had people block me...2 years later and he is on that agenda. Mind you, when the wound was fresh, I wanted him to call me/text me/anything. Be careful of what you wish for, you might get it. People like that are immature and you are better than that. What could he possibly have to say that you would even want to hear... or believe? He will resurface to see if you are still into him---it's an ego boost for him. Don't give it to him. Do not reward bad behavior. Allow yourself to heal and GREAT things will happen. I promise you that.
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