cavalier99 Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 My ex just emailed me about a form that needs to be filled out to dissolve an account we had together. Well, not really together, it is her account but it actually helped me with a business I had. She is more than capable of filling out this form by herself. It is just a couple lines and she wants me to fax it back to her. Her email me was very to the point and she just wished that I was doing well. Its only 2 weeks of NC and she broke it off with me 3 weeks ago (after years together) to try with another guy, I made it very clear to her that I did not want to hear from her under ANY circumstances unless it involved a real emergency like impending death, cancer, severe car accident etc.. And even in those instances I preferred that she get support/help elsewhere and I should be the last last last resort for any sort of help. Even now I regret a little that I gave her the satisfaction of sending her that email at the time but it did make it clear i didnt want to be friends or hear form her. The funny thing is the week we broke up we had arranged see each other to finalize the details of the account ect. And we had talked about the breakup coming.. as she had met another guy she was interested in dating. She had promised to hold up a couple days before starting dating this guy while she finalized things with me. Which I thought was the right thing to do. She even told "him" she needed to wrap up the relationship with me before really going out with him. So what happens. The night before we're going to meet up up she lies to my face says she is going out with a friend and then goes to dinner with this guy while planning to see me afterwards. Even though we arranged to spend a couple days together that weekend before finally finishing forever. Anyways I don't want to dwell on this. It was super painful and I really need to move on. On the whole the breakup was as amicable as possible and she even apologized in a email about treating me poorly the week we were wrapping thing up and what a great boyfiend I was ect ect. Not that this really means anything. I have been working hard these 2 week to accept that it is FINALLY over and focus on myself and adhere to NC. And it has been hell and I thought I was making progress. But these business type emails are messing with my serenity. Should I fill the simple form and fax it back or let her deal with it? I was always the person that helped her open accounts online, fill out form ecetera. And doing this makes me feel I'm still helping her out while she is off with her new guy. I have no problem maintaining NC except that this specific account was really for my benefit at the time. Thus I am now registered on LS asking for advise. Yesterday she also sent an email saying she deposited the money she owes me to my account and I didnt respond. Thank for any advise. You guys are great.
carhill Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 Since you apparently were financially entangled, settle that up in a business-like manner. If the account is hers and your name/tax number is not involved, leave it for her to settle without comment. If she has deposited money to your account and this settles your financial affairs, simply remove her access to your account without comment and move on. That you mentioned another guy indicates to me the need for further processing via NC. If you wish 'closure', simply send a 'thank you for settling up' and then delete all contact information and change relevant information so she has no means to contact you. Erase her. She is now one of billions and just as irrelevant. Read the thread in my signature for more details. Welcome to LS 1
Author cavalier99 Posted October 17, 2012 Author Posted October 17, 2012 Thanks for the reply. I don’t plan on sending this form back. She can deal with it herself. I had already deleted all her contact info, blocked her number etcetera. and have read and taken taken the steps recommended by No Foolin. You are right, I definitely need more time to process things and I know that NC is the only way. I don’t want to know anything about what she is doing or who she is with as it would only reopen fresh wounds and it isn’t my concern anymore. I would not even get together with her now even if she wanted to reconcile (of course this won’t happen). There is too much damage and I can actually see that the relationship was essentially over a while back (both our faults) and we both kept holding on for longer that was good for either of us. I understand why she moved on and I know that I am better off without her (even though I don’t feel it) and really hope she finds happiness. It is still very painful after being so used to loving someone for so long and being involved in every aspect of their life. I’m hoping this feeling slowly fades. I really need to focus on me and get going with my life again. I’m hoping that this is an opportunity to better myself and no get mired in a past. Thanks
flitzanu Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 yeah, if you actually have NOTHING to do with what she wants, and DO NOT need to sign anything, then ignore her, she can handle it herself. only similar situation i had once, had a joint checking with an ex, and couldn't NEVER get her to meet me to sign her name off. both parties must sign to remove one, even though one could just empty and close the account... so to solve it i just closed it and reopened a new one. don't let her involve you in something that isn't necessary.
Author cavalier99 Posted October 17, 2012 Author Posted October 17, 2012 Thanks. Your right she is a big girl and can fill out the form herself (or call customer survive) if she is having problems. She has a accounting degree. I cant imagine it is so difficult. I truly believe that she find the form confusing but the button line is she also may be seeing if I still care for her and will come running to help her like I always have in the past. I cant lose my self respect by responding. To her I'm probably just a passing thought and she doenst even realize how damaging it is for me to contact or respond to her. I'm little upset at myself that even a simple email like this can affect me like this. I guess it is just part of the process. Just thinking about emailing her even 1 word makes me feel like my balls are shrinking and my self esteem is deflating. Well I guess there is my answer. She has alway maintained friendships with her EX's without a problem and probably thinks it will be the same with me. I however am unable to matain any sort of contact without sending me into a death spiral. So strict NC is the rule. Ive been there before and any contact for me is a HUGE setback and once even resulted in us getting together again for 2 years of wasted time together (at 1st it felt like a victory but at the end of the day it stopped me/us from moving on) I guess in way I'm lucky knowing she is with a new guy although it hurts a ton. Thanks!. I already feel a litte better Thanks all.
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