tizmos Posted July 29, 2004 Posted July 29, 2004 [font=arial][/font][color=black][/color] I had been living with my girlfriend in Arizona for about two years. She moved out here to teach and I followed her out here with no job. She never would have come out here alone. I did eventually get a job and I thought everything was fine. We never really talked about marriage, only to say that we weren't ready and weren't even sure if marriage was all that great anyway. We did, however, talk about staying in Arizona. She knew she wanted to stay in Arizona forever. I just wasn't sure. I guess I just couldn't say honestly that I want to stay in once place for the rest of my life. I'm assuming this has been brewing inside of her for the past couple of months because last week, out of the blue, she broke up with me. Actually, she had just gotten back from a trip, I turned to her, said how much I missed her, and she said "I think we have to break up." I'm 99 percent sure she didn't cheat on me. We've both been on the other side and know how bad that situation is. I know she start talking to this kid when she was home in New York and that they were friends beforehand. It could be that she needs someone to talk to that is an outsider to the situation. But then again, I don't know how long this has been going on. He's her best friend's cousin and I'm not sure if it is blossoming into anything. He lives back east and we all know she's not moving. The reason she gave me for the break up was that we had become more like friends and that the intial spark wasn' t there anymore. Sure, but after three years you are going to be more like friends and the spark is totally not going to be there. I think she got scared and had to leave. She said I did everything she would ever want a boyfriend to do. (On top of this, I had 10 days to find a new apartment where she is moving in with her sister and best friend, they moved out here eventually from her begging, and will be living the same apartment complex) Last weekend, I told her that I still cared for her and that I thought what we had was special and not worth just throwing away or letting go. I told her I couldn't do that and that I would wait. I didn't care how long. We're too perfect for each other. SHe gave me a hug after I said this. I told her I loved her, she said the same. I told her not to forget me, she said she never could. I just really hurts right now because I'm living alone, she's off with her sister and best friend, and I know she's still talking to that kid. I really don't know what the extent of the relationship is, but she claims it's nothing and that nothing is going to happen with it. I've been in this situation before and, after I get the rest of my stuff from the old apartment, I don't plan on talking to her for a while. I just can't believe this is over. I feel like our bond is way too strong and that this can't possible be it. I'm asking for advice and maybe insight into what she could be thinking...
budd98 Posted July 30, 2004 Posted July 30, 2004 Many guys on here seem to be going through the same types of situations. I know I am. My ex left me for a dude that she was friends with for 5 years beforehand. They had lockers next to eachother in H.S. Anyways, they communicated through letters and the phone for several months before we broke up. Then when he arrived back in the same town from overseas, she left me for him. They dated for 3 weeks and she lost interest in the guy. She found out that there was'nt a romantic side to it. While she was doing this, she was still trying to talk to me and I was there for the ride. DON'T wait for her and DON't tell her that you will. She will use that for insurance everytime. Don't ever be a back-up plan. You deserve better, and she needs to figure things out on her own. If she has fallen for this guy, she will run to him no matter what. If you continue to beg, she will run away faster. Give her the chance to miss you and don't contact her. That is the best way to make her understand what she is missing. Good luck bud!
dub03 Posted July 30, 2004 Posted July 30, 2004 Its odd that most of us on here are all going through similar situations, and are giving each other advice... but then again maybe thats the best way to get over your own problems... Anyway my advice... Do not wait!! That is the worst thing you can do, I know you are in love with her, but waiting will only cause you more pain. If the waiting goes on too long you may start getting depressed and desperate. Sometimes when that happens you could end up doing something you may regret. Now what I am about to suggest may seem extreme, but I know a guy who was in a similar situation, and it worked out for him. I would leave Arizona and move back home, it will be easier to get over her with that much space between you. Plus it sounds like you don't have anyone in Arizona. Being with friends and going out is the best way to get over a girl. Going home should allow you to get your mind off of her, and open up more avenues for you. Also you will know how she truly feels about you. If you leave and she lets you go, you will know it wasn't meant to be. If you decide to leave, and she asks you to stay then you know that there is something still there. And when I say stay I don't mean a half assed one, I mean a "I can't live here without you one." THe key will be determining the difference, she may ask you to stay simply as a comfort thing for her. Its a tough situation and tough decision... Good Luck!
Author tizmos Posted July 30, 2004 Author Posted July 30, 2004 You guys are right. I shouldn't wait for her or leave a note in the old apartment. It's been a week since it happened though and something is bugging me. I'm not going to leave Arizona. True, my best friends are back east, but I have a great job here at this start up company. I had a hand in getting it larger and I can't really leave. I've given myself a one year cap to see how things go. If i can't live a life out here till then, I'm leaving. She said the initial spark that started the relationship wasn't there anymore. Well, after three years it's not really going to be there anymore. You kind of have to work at it. So maybe she didn't want to. She started talking to a guy on the phone/text messaging/IM and said that he provided this spark that she needed...I was dumped for this? Could she just be scared? This guy can't be all that great, I don't care what he's saying to her. I just really miss her. She was my GF and my best friend. I miss talking to her and doing things with her. How can this possibly get any better?
trouble Posted July 30, 2004 Posted July 30, 2004 My fiance and I had a fight almost 2 weeks ago and now he doesn't want to try anymore. I feel your pain. We are currently living 2 hours apart and now he wants me to come and get my things. I just started working in a town that he was supposed to move to after we got married this Nov. I was living with some friends to save money and then we were going to buy a house. I tried to talk to him, e-mail him and make him see that he was throwing away so many plans. I know that I want to work on it but he just doesn't have the energy to put into the relationship right now. It is horrible and painful and as my Dad says "There is an elephant in the room and it is sitting on your chest and the room is too small for the elephant." This discribes how I am not comfortable hanging out in group settings because I have a hard time focusing on anything else but my pain. Don't beat yourself up. Learn from this relationship. I keep telling myself all the advice that I dish out and I know it is hard to do. I love my fiance and would do anything (counselling, move etc.) to make it better but sometimes it isn't up to us it is up to them. You can't make her want to try God knows I tried to make him want to try. Just know that you aren't alone. You may not know me or any of the other people posting here but at least you know that it isn't just you. We can't feel your pain because all of ours is unique to the situation but we can understand. I wish I could wipe away all of everyone's sadness so we wouldn't have to go through this. I am 29 and he is 34 so this wasn't the first time around the block for me. I am just hoping that through helping each other we can survive the beginning pain. I hope this helps.
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