Adamgem Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 I know many of you have suggested I go fully NC. That is my plan. However, it is very easy for us sitting comfortably behind our computers to suggest something like this without taking into consideration the practical sides of life. He cheated on me and lied. That is the end of our relationship. We were living together and working together and I am now homeless and jobless. His company owes me salary and other, much needed, payments. I do not and can not affort to lose this. I know he could make my life very difficult when I try to collect it..... Therefore I have kept contact but very mimimal. Yesterday he started saying he would give everything up for me. I said I didn't want to give anything up - that implies he would suffer something to be with me.... I don't believe in this. That is where resentments come from. If he had wanted to be with me - he would never have slept with her. I do not care what he says.... I think NC would be so much easier but it is not realistic. I feel so angry right now. He really would say or do anything to get his way. He just doesn't care. He lies like it is breathing.... Sorry... needed to rant.
veryhappy Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 It takes a while to get there, but it's the only way to detach. Also, a considerable % of the people recommending NC have gone through it, so they're not just comfortably giving advice on something that's completely foreign to them. If you do have money to get from his company, by all means get that money. You can still keep it professional and not let the discussion become personal. You can also be honest, and realize if you're using the contact as anything else other than a way to tie the financial loose ends. Nobody really expected you to be able to do go to full NC overnight, but...if your mind isn't even made that you need it to survive, you have no chance. NC happens when you've had enough, and there's no other way. It's the only way. For me contacting him now is like touching a burning stove. I can feel my pain, there's no good feelings left. I still haven't completely given up on reading emails, and some consider it LC, not true NC. It can be a process, or a sudden decision. I do know however that I have no choice based on how I feel but to stop even checking his emails at some point. You need to find what works for you, and all we are saying is that the general experience is that as long as you two communicate you won't be able to make any progress. 3
Owl Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 I know many of you have suggested I go fully NC. That is my plan. However, it is very easy for us sitting comfortably behind our computers to suggest something like this without taking into consideration the practical sides of life. He cheated on me and lied. That is the end of our relationship. We were living together and working together and I am now homeless and jobless. His company owes me salary and other, much needed, payments. I do not and can not affort to lose this. I know he could make my life very difficult when I try to collect it..... Therefore I have kept contact but very mimimal. Yesterday he started saying he would give everything up for me. I said I didn't want to give anything up - that implies he would suffer something to be with me.... I don't believe in this. That is where resentments come from. If he had wanted to be with me - he would never have slept with her. I do not care what he says.... I think NC would be so much easier but it is not realistic. I feel so angry right now. He really would say or do anything to get his way. He just doesn't care. He lies like it is breathing.... Sorry... needed to rant. What you should have told him was to give up what you require from him and his company...what they owe you. The other thing you require from him to give up is....you. You're done. It's over. Make it clear that you EXPECT him to hold up his legal obligations to you...and after that, you expect him to remain out of your life, forever. 1
2sunny Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 If you've earned money from the company and haven't been paid - show your evidence of what they owe you and let the judge handle it from there. 1
Mount Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 So your next step IS.....? in order to make your life better.... I know many of you have suggested I go fully NC. That is my plan. However, it is very easy for us sitting comfortably behind our computers to suggest something like this without taking into consideration the practical sides of life. He cheated on me and lied. That is the end of our relationship. We were living together and working together and I am now homeless and jobless. His company owes me salary and other, much needed, payments. I do not and can not affort to lose this. I know he could make my life very difficult when I try to collect it..... Therefore I have kept contact but very mimimal. Yesterday he started saying he would give everything up for me. I said I didn't want to give anything up - that implies he would suffer something to be with me.... I don't believe in this. That is where resentments come from. If he had wanted to be with me - he would never have slept with her. I do not care what he says.... I think NC would be so much easier but it is not realistic. I feel so angry right now. He really would say or do anything to get his way. He just doesn't care. He lies like it is breathing.... Sorry... needed to rant.
whichwayisup Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 You'll eventually want to do NC because hearing from him will be worse than not hearing from him. When just start to feel better, emotionally, and actually think life can go on, that's when he's going to get in touch and try to be a 'friend.' That's when you'll know it's time to do full on NC, and block him completely. 1
MissBee Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 I know many of you have suggested I go fully NC. That is my plan. However, it is very easy for us sitting comfortably behind our computers to suggest something like this without taking into consideration the practical sides of life. He cheated on me and lied. That is the end of our relationship. We were living together and working together and I am now homeless and jobless. His company owes me salary and other, much needed, payments. I do not and can not affort to lose this. I know he could make my life very difficult when I try to collect it..... Therefore I have kept contact but very mimimal. Yesterday he started saying he would give everything up for me. I said I didn't want to give anything up - that implies he would suffer something to be with me.... I don't believe in this. That is where resentments come from. If he had wanted to be with me - he would never have slept with her. I do not care what he says.... I think NC would be so much easier but it is not realistic. I feel so angry right now. He really would say or do anything to get his way. He just doesn't care. He lies like it is breathing.... Sorry... needed to rant. Have you no legal recourse? He was married and having an affair with you...how can you be the only one in trouble? If he tries to make things difficult for you, can't it backfire on him and his position as well? Unless he owns the company or some such...if not...then I'm sure he would be in just as much drama and difficulty as you if it came out or you threatened him of such. Do you need to go through him to get your salary etc? If not, I'd suggest you get that through another party or keep it strictly business. If you HAVE to engage with him, keep it about your money and business only. It doesn't seem true (not saying you're lying, just maybe not thinking clearly) that in order to be paid etc. you have to engage him in bullshyt conversations about your former A. Hopefully stuff with your job gets sorted out quickly so that you can move on from him completely and get back on your feet again with this nonsense in the past.
Author Adamgem Posted October 20, 2012 Author Posted October 20, 2012 Have you no legal recourse? He was married and having an affair with you...how can you be the only one in trouble? If he tries to make things difficult for you, can't it backfire on him and his position as well? Unless he owns the company or some such...if not...then I'm sure he would be in just as much drama and difficulty as you if it came out or you threatened him of such. Do you need to go through him to get your salary etc? If not, I'd suggest you get that through another party or keep it strictly business. If you HAVE to engage with him, keep it about your money and business only. It doesn't seem true (not saying you're lying, just maybe not thinking clearly) that in order to be paid etc. you have to engage him in bullshyt conversations about your former A. Hopefully stuff with your job gets sorted out quickly so that you can move on from him completely and get back on your feet again with this nonsense in the past. He is not married and he owns the company. It is very small in terms of employees. I must deal with him. When he calls he starts off talking about work related issues and then he will get back onto the subject of our relationship. I know he is doing this right in front of his partner. I do not know how she puts up with it. I am certain he is telling her lies about me. When he is not with her - his tune changes. I really couldn't be bothered with him and all his lies and bs.... at the same time I can't stop thinking about him. Today I feel depressed.
Recommended Posts