ms_daisy21 Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 (edited) Hi All, I've got a question about a very flirty colleague. I know he's not serious (he's married and loves his wife) and it's just fun for him (and me), but I really need to handle it differently. Whenever he flirts/teases me, I freeze up and don't say anything. I am an awkward human being and have no idea what to say or do after something like this. He's been teasing like this more frequently now and I'm kind of tired of getting so flustered by it. I imagine I look like a confused fish whenever he says something. Perhaps that's part of the fun for him? Maybe you guys could give me some tips on what to say/ do so I don't look like such a dork all the time. He always sends me apology emails afterward he teases me. I don't want him to think that he can't do it, because I have no sense of humor. It is funny. I'm just awkward. Any advice? I don't want him to stop. It is fun. Edited October 17, 2012 by ms_daisy21 Typo
january2011 Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 If you feel awkward and uncomfortable, please don't pretend that his behaviour is okay and that you just don't have the sense of humour to appreciate it. There's banter and then there's sexual harrassment. Sometimes people who want to get away with behaving unprofessionally will have you believe that it's just a joke, when really it's sexual harrassment. You have a right to do your job without being harrassed. And as a married man, who loves his wife and presumably is older than you, he should know better. Part of me wonders if he is targeting you precisely because you are young and he thinks that you might be naive enough to be flattered by the attention. It's very important to know your boundaries at work. Tell him that it's not acceptable behaviour and you would like him to stop. Respond by email if you find that easier to cope with. Keep a record of all communications and interactions. The fact that he's apologising indicates that he knows what he is doing is wrong. If he continues, I suggest that you report him to human resources and/or request to be moved to a different team. If you don't receive any support, you may have to look for another job. No good can come of encouraging his behaviour or responding to it by flirting back.
rubberduck Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 Adding on to what 'just_a_poster' said.. imagine being on the other side. Imagine you're his wife and he's flirting with some little girl at work. How pissed off and hurt would you be?! It's not fun being on the other side and you should have more respect for both yourself and a marriage. He should know better, but you shouldn't encourage it by any means. Find someone single to flirt and have fun with. He's just counting on you being naive and an easy lay.
january2011 Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 I think you missed the point of her post and the point is she likes his flirting and wants to continue it. She wants to know how to flirt back. Basically she has not admitted to herself that her co-worker likes her and has taken it to the next step. She clearly likes him No, I think you missed the bigger picture. I see a young, flustered and confused girl who seems to have no idea what she's getting herself into.
Author ms_daisy21 Posted October 20, 2012 Author Posted October 20, 2012 (edited) I put the bit about his wife in there, because I didn't want the whole thread to get side-tracked. I really, truly believe there's no ulterior motives. I've got a boyfriend and am not interested in my coworker (not my type). I just have a terrible way of sticking my foot in my mouth and saying something that leaves me wide open to be teased. He doesn't mean any harm by it and it is in fun, but I just don't want to be awkward anymore. My boyfriend was away and the coworker asked if I was bummed. I said no because my boyfriend and I were still talking and skyping (we skype because it's free and cell phones aren't). Apparently, men have very dirty minds. Anyway, I was super embarrassed after that and I would just like to learn how to not be so flustered. I seem to say or do something weekly that is taken the wrong way and I get teased about it. I'd like to know what I can say in that type of situation. I thought I might tease back to deflect attention from me or change subjects or something. What I'm doing now (basically word vomit) isn't working. Edited October 20, 2012 by ms_daisy21
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