Artie Lang Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 i like your BS. he wants to get to the complete truth, regardless of your "transparency." go get 'em, tiger-- RAWR! 2
Author wanting more Posted October 18, 2012 Author Posted October 18, 2012 So on one of the heated "discussions" last night BSO told me he and xMM BS have a hotel room for tomorrow afternoon then will drive to xMM work and tell him what they did. BSO has made so many threats and said so much about what he will do I don't think he's serious but at this point who knows.
BetrayedH Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 So on one of the heated "discussions" last night BSO told me he and xMM BS have a hotel room for tomorrow afternoon then will drive to xMM work and tell him what they did. BSO has made so many threats and said so much about what he will do I don't think he's serious but at this point who knows. If you had any guilt about not reconciling with your BSO, I think you can let that go now. Perhaps it is as Alice said. The heat is off of you at the moment. I suspect you'd prefer them have their little romp rather than get a punch in the face. If any of this drama is in front of children, I would seriously consider how long you can keep them around it. Your BSO seems hell-bent on revenge. They can't be around for this. What are you going to do? 1
Author wanting more Posted October 18, 2012 Author Posted October 18, 2012 If you had any guilt about not reconciling with your BSO, I think you can let that go now. Perhaps it is as Alice said. The heat is off of you at the moment. I suspect you'd prefer them have their little romp rather than get a punch in the face. If any of this drama is in front of children, I would seriously consider how long you can keep them around it. Your BSO seems hell-bent on revenge. They can't be around for this. What are you going to do? Thankfully his talks come late at night when the kids are in bed. All his threats of outing me at work so I'd lose my job, wanting to hit me, me ruining everyone's lives (which I have family from out of town now and last night he had to let then know what I'd done by stomping out the house, making noise when he left to wake the neighborhood up then coming right back and yelling to my dad how I f*%•ed a co worker did 3 years, which now my family is leaving as my dad is almost 80 with 6 heart attacks under his belt) has made any guilty feelings gone. Which I was going to tell my family anyway, just not like that
Pierre Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 Thankfully his talks come late at night when the kids are in bed. All his threats of outing me at work so I'd lose my job, wanting to hit me, me ruining everyone's lives (which I have family from out of town now and last night he had to let then know what I'd done by stomping out the house, making noise when he left to wake the neighborhood up then coming right back and yelling to my dad how I f*%•ed a co worker did 3 years, which now my family is leaving as my dad is almost 80 with 6 heart attacks under his belt) has made any guilty feelings gone. Which I was going to tell my family anyway, just not like that A scorned betrayed man can act quite crazy. The last thing a woman wants to do is betray a man that has a tendency to be violent. Nevertheless, you need to understand that you have inflicted a huge blow to your H and family. He is acting crazy because he is deeply hurt and humiliated. It seems he is full of rage.
woinlove Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 Thankfully his talks come late at night when the kids are in bed. All his threats of outing me at work so I'd lose my job, wanting to hit me, me ruining everyone's lives (which I have family from out of town now and last night he had to let then know what I'd done by stomping out the house, making noise when he left to wake the neighborhood up then coming right back and yelling to my dad how I f*%•ed a co worker did 3 years, which now my family is leaving as my dad is almost 80 with 6 heart attacks under his belt) has made any guilty feelings gone. Which I was going to tell my family anyway, just not like that I'm sorry your family experienced that. It is best not to assume your betrayed partner will keep the secret from people close by. Even if they wanted to keep the secret for you, their emotions may be so strong that they let it out anyway - and often they aren't interested in keeping your secrets. Not much you can do about this case, but in the future, I'd be careful to tell family and others close, before having them stay in close proximity to your partner. 1
Author wanting more Posted October 18, 2012 Author Posted October 18, 2012 I'm sorry your family experienced that. It is best not to assume your betrayed partner will keep the secret from people close by. Even if they wanted to keep the secret for you, their emotions may be so strong that they let it out anyway - and often they aren't interested in keeping your secrets. Not much you can do about this case, but in the future, I'd be careful to tell family and others close, before having them stay in close proximity to your partner. True. I'll tell my sisters this weekend.
mercy Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 So on one of the heated "discussions" last night BSO told me he and xMM BS have a hotel room for tomorrow afternoon then will drive to xMM work and tell him what they did. BSO has made so many threats and said so much about what he will do I don't think he's serious but at this point who knows. That's just sick. He's very unlikable. I get his pain but his anger really worries me. Does it concern you?
veryhappy Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 So on one of the heated "discussions" last night BSO told me he and xMM BS have a hotel room for tomorrow afternoon then will drive to xMM work and tell him what they did. BSO has made so many threats and said so much about what he will do I don't think he's serious but at this point who knows. Well, good for them. At least there's no STDs to worry about lol if they've been faithful. You need to worry about your H becoming violent with you. I'm really concerned about that. 1
Author wanting more Posted October 18, 2012 Author Posted October 18, 2012 That's just sick. He's very unlikable. I get his pain but his anger really worries me. Does it concern you? It actually doesn't concern me. If they do that, they do it. Could just be another threat or something to try and convince me I want to be with him.
nofool4u Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 But since I started here as an OW I'll put it here. So my BSO was supposed to meet with xMM BS. I don't know of they actually did or not but I know they're texting each other as last night sitting at sons football game he held his phone so I could obviously see her name show up. I didn't ask and don't plan on asking what's being said by either one but can't lie, I'm curious. And........?
veryhappy Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 It actually doesn't concern me. If they do that, they do it. Could just be another threat or something to try and convince me I want to be with him. Yes, it could be just a thread. Give him some condoms and wish him a good time. You have bigger things to worry about.
Author wanting more Posted October 18, 2012 Author Posted October 18, 2012 Well, good for them. At least there's no STDs to worry about lol if they've been faithful. You need to worry about your H becoming violent with you. I'm really concerned about that. Could he?? Possibly. I know I'm not the same person I was years ago when he was violent, he also knows that so I guess that's why he's controlled himself
Spark1111 Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 It actually doesn't concern me. If they do that, they do it. Could just be another threat or something to try and convince me I want to be with him. This situation is becoming very toxic. Can you and the kids leave? Can he? It is really time to put some serious distance between the two of you. Is that possible? He sounds very, very vengeful and I too am worried for you.
Author wanting more Posted October 18, 2012 Author Posted October 18, 2012 This situation is becoming very toxic. Can you and the kids leave? Can he? It is really time to put some serious distance between the two of you. Is that possible? He sounds very, very vengeful and I too am worried for you. He says he doesnt know where to go. There's no family where we leave now. I think he could probably find somewhere if he really wanted to. But I've said before, he's got it made where he is. Barely pays anything. I'm not going to leave. I've worked my a** off for my kids to have what they have. I knows if I feel he's going to become violent I will call the cops.
Author wanting more Posted October 18, 2012 Author Posted October 18, 2012 He says he doesnt know where to go. There's no family where we leave now. I think he could probably find somewhere if he really wanted to. But I've said before, he's got it made where he is. Barely pays anything. I'm not going to leave. I've worked my a** off for my kids to have what they have. I knows if I feel he's going to become violent I will call the cops. When the domestic violence happened, I worked, made little money and he basically controlled everything. That isn't the case now. That's ehy j moved 3 states over, to prove to myself that I could do this on my own. I know have a great job, great house and my kids are happy ( except fif this I know but my son and daughter have been shielded pretty well for now, my oldest daughter doesn't have the best relationship and thats been like that for years, nothing to do with my A, I know she would not be upset when he leaves). I still, even with him living with us for 4 years have paid majority of everything , house, car, bills, 90% of everything for the kids, That's why I say I'm not leaving. I worked for things for my kids. Ive proven to myself and everyone else (even BSO) that I can do this. 2
whichwayisup Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 Ship your kids to their friends house for a sleepover this weekend- Or your parents, or sister. This way you two can talk and figure out what to do next. His pain and anger is understandable, any BS can react like that (wanting to expose A to work place, friends, family neighbours, and some DO tell) but it's his explosive and possible anger outburst leading to violence is what should be your most concern right now. I doubt very much that exMM's BS and him are going to hook up. If anything, they are talking about it, talking about the A you and her H had. 2
mercy Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 It actually doesn't concern me. If they do that, they do it. Could just be another threat or something to try and convince me I want to be with him. No, I meant does his anger concern you.
Author wanting more Posted October 19, 2012 Author Posted October 19, 2012 Had MC last night. BSO decided he doesn't want any more questions answered. Did bring up that today is the day he and xMM BW meet to talk and decide if "fair is fair" and Beth sleep together. As he told the counselor, he knows it doesn't matter to me what happens but he wants to tell xMM "you fu*ked mine, now I fu*ked yours".
Pierre Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 Had MC last night. BSO decided he doesn't want any more questions answered. Did bring up that today is the day he and xMM BW meet to talk and decide if "fair is fair" and Beth sleep together. As he told the counselor, he knows it doesn't matter to me what happens but he wants to tell xMM "you fu*ked mine, now I fu*ked yours". WM: I understand you have painted your H as a bad H, perhaps rightfully so. However, you picked this guy and I have to assume you saw something in him. Regardless of your H's defects he has been given a huge blow. Deceit and betrayal are extremely difficult blows to a man and I can see why he is acting so weirdly. I know you expect civility, but he is in shock. Wanting to f**** the wife of your MM is probably one of those strange reactions. He may even consider hiring someone to rough up MM. Sadly, this is how many men react to infidelity. This is why sometimes affairs end with murder and violence. You never know if AP can become a bunny boiler, betrayed spouse goes nuts and murders the entire family and then commits suicide. Sometimes MOW and lover plot to kill the BH. Violence is sometimes a factor in EMRs. If you feel violence is a possibility I advice you take precautions now. You may have to leave your home and go live with your parents. 2
2sure Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 My x had several OW and I shared my discovery with the spouses or SO of those I felt I should . I spoke on the phone with 2 specifically (after Dday) and sight unseen they asked me to have sex with them for revenge. Now, I know it was a kneejerk reaction - but ewwww. The third I met in person to deliver documentation and he eventually called me with the same proposal. It was definitely a male territorial thing that women ...have a different reaction to. As crazy as i was at the time I am SOOOO glad I didnt do that - I would still feel disgusting. I have to tell you that one of these guys was a scary man - which my X totally risked exposing our family to , but I did regret contacting him because of what he might do while my daughter and I were still in the house. Turned out OK, but I didnt think hard enough about that 1
BetrayedH Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 Had MC last night. BSO decided he doesn't want any more questions answered. Did bring up that today is the day he and xMM BW meet to talk and decide if "fair is fair" and Beth sleep together. As he told the counselor, he knows it doesn't matter to me what happens but he wants to tell xMM "you fu*ked mine, now I fu*ked yours". Unless the other BS objects, I suspect that your BSO will be going thru with this since he essentially has nothing to lose with you. Without the prospect of saving his marriage, he has nothing holding him back from screwing the OM's wife except his character (which sounds lacking to begin with). Oddly enough, I also suspect that this will have little impact on the civility of your relationship moving forward except that it is a distraction. I suppose it was good enough to distract from the detailed Q&A. Anything positive come from the counseling together? Any idea how you will move forward amicably for the sake of the children? Otherwise, how are YOU doing?
Author wanting more Posted October 21, 2012 Author Posted October 21, 2012 Unless the other BS objects, I suspect that your BSO will be going thru with this since he essentially has nothing to lose with you. Without the prospect of saving his marriage, he has nothing holding him back from screwing the OM's wife except his character (which sounds lacking to begin with). Oddly enough, I also suspect that this will have little impact on the civility of your relationship moving forward except that it is a distraction. I suppose it was good enough to distract from the detailed Q&A. Anything positive come from the counseling together? Any idea how you will move forward amicably for the sake of the children? Otherwise, how are YOU doing? I think it was a good MC session Some yelling but not as much. BSO and BW did meet Friday. Didn't sleep together. Kind of a rough Friday night, BW didn't know details that BSO had (sexual) so I guess they talked about that and that wax hard did him to handle. I doing ok so far. Things are up and down of course but kids have me running around between football and softball so that helps
Author wanting more Posted October 21, 2012 Author Posted October 21, 2012 BSO told me that xMM BW texted him She confronted him with the info my BSO told get Friday night and said that he (XMM) feels that my BSO is trying to destroy their M with this info. She will call my BSO this afternoon to tell xMM version of the A and tell things about me. My BSO had way more details than his BW does apparently. Even after the email I sent her with what I thought was undeniable proof, he's convinced her it ended after last year when she found our the 1st time. Should be an interesting phone call. ( he told me he'd let me listen if I want to) Not really looking for advice, just writing everything as its happening.
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