Author ilikecupcakez Posted October 19, 2012 Author Posted October 19, 2012 No, I haven't seen Fatal Attraction... are you making fun of me? I really have no attraction towards the OM. He creeped me out. I keep getting crap from both ends though. I changed my number, and what I thought any email address I had used to talk w/ him through. I don't know how but he did get my work email, and sent a few really hateful messages. He keeps describing sexual events that happened, and using them against me. He says he's also positive which house we live in although I have NEVER taken him here, nor even step foot on my doorstep. Which just makes me wonder. I'm just afraid of what he would say to my husband to hurt him, and then a huge fight. However I believe he is just lying to try and hookup or he's being vengeful. I do not plan on saying anything back, and asking my boss for a new email. I really do not get how this keeps spiraling out of my control. When the A was going on, I was the one who was in control, and he had absolutely no say so. But I know I'm strong enough, and I love my husband too much to let this man try to poison my marriage anymore. I just hate when someone has the upper hand of talking crap about you.
Artie Lang Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 (edited) "I didn't realize how much this would hurt him." did you think he was gonna congratulate you? sounds like this man has a "fatal" for you. your marriage could be over if he(OM) decides to pursue you. by the way you tell it, he's(BH) a powder keg waiting to explode. KWIM. Edited October 19, 2012 by Artie Lang
Rocket Man Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 I wish I would have seen your post before you told your husband. IMO telling him is a selfish thing to do. Sure, it clears your conscience, but what does it do to your husband's mental state? I guess you can see what it does. He will be tormented to some degree for years. You should have kept your diry little secret to yourself and you should be the one tormented. If the affair ever came to light, then yes, own up to it. I'm not telling you this to bash you. I'm writing this because there are or will be others in the same position and, hopefully, they will not make the same mistake. I do wish you the best of luck and hope you can work it out.
Author ilikecupcakez Posted October 19, 2012 Author Posted October 19, 2012 No, I still DO NOT plan on letting his threats take another toll on my relationship. After the emails wouldn't stop, I told him to please stop contacting me or my husband was going to notify police, and have me pursue a stalking order/restraining order. He sent an initial email back saying I was stupid for staying w/ my H (he says we aren't sexually compatible), then repeating how he's now disinterested in me because I disposed of him so quickly, and that he wouldn't contact me anymore but yet says he won't be surprised if I contact him. I do not think I will be posting anymore. It was just easier typing it all out without saying the words out loud. And I thought somehow someone who may have been in a similar situation could give me advice, pointers, things to not do that could cause a trigger for my husband. But coming to this forum and reading it all only adds to my guilt and shame. I do appreciate everyones comments, advice, and those who were who had helpful things to say. I must also say this site has opened my eyes to a lot of things I didn't know about myself. It also made me think a lot about my marriage, and why I hurt my husband. I still cant entirely figured it out. One day I just hope I can try to help heal the damage I've done without feeling like my H is going to punch me in the face. I REALLY just want to mend my marriage as much as possible, and to not feel the disappointment seeping from him to me.
BetrayedH Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 Not sure why you would stop posting. There are many betrayed spouses here and several are willing to share what worked for them to be able to reconcile. Your choice, of course, but you seem to be learning and interested in learning so why stop? There are always going to be negative posters but to be honest, that helps keep you honest. They are helping in their way and many of them feel that sugar coating the messages does you a disservice. You're going to have to be able to withstand some anonymous internet posters if you expect to be able to withstand your betrayed husband's judgment. What I might recommend would be to start a new thread and specifically ask for people who have successfully reconciled to tell you how they did it. The moderators may even try to help reduce comments from those that haven't reconciled. You would lose some valuable feedback from people but you would probably hear exactly what you need from people that have successfully done it. Be sure to include reconciled betrayed spouses though because few waywards stick around here for long. As you can tell, this kitchen gets hot quickly. But there are several people here that have successfully reconciled and you should hear what they have to say. Either way, I wish you and your H a new healthy path. 1
TiredFamilyGuy Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 Cupcake. Something from your post leapt out at me. "I haven't seen my husband cry since the death of our daughter". Oh. I am so sorry. This is such a vast thing. Just maybe, if the reconciliation has first worked out with your H, then you can have another child. You are both so young and have much time. But after the reconciliation. Very best wishes and support. 2
The_Face Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 No, I haven't seen Fatal Attraction... are you making fun of me? I really have no attraction towards the OM. He creeped me out. I'm sorry you're having this tough time. It was an unnecessary film reference that served no real purpose, other than to say "affairs are bad!" but I wasn't trying to poke fun at you. I don't think it's funny, what you're going through. Actually it sounds like you are a stand up woman but you just made a mistake, and now you're handling it. You didn't run and hide from it, or keep it from your husband like a dirty secret. I think you handled it the best you could. And as time goes on, you could develop an all-new, stronger and more secure bond with your husband, if you two work on things together and stick it out through the hard times. Good luck to you! 1
Recommended Posts