Author Jingle14 Posted October 19, 2012 Author Posted October 19, 2012 (edited) In this situation of that long with NC, go ahead and contact them for a cup of coffee or to hang out. You have nothing to lose despite what others may say. You still have feelings so put them to the test. I am not telling you to call them up and ask for them back, in fact never bring that up. Just by having contact with them such as lunch or coffee all the old memories will flood back to them without the remembrance of you begging or pleading (not saying you did). You don't have to hate your ex, you loved them at one point didn't you and they did the same! If they spark interest in you without wanting sex and BRING UP that they want to date again well by all means go for it if you are both single. It is important to not expect that they want to jump back in your arms, if you were dumped it is not your choice unfortunately. Play it cool and see how friends go. If they ignore you or don't have much to say I wouldn't waste your time. If they love you THEY will tell you. Don't use a meet up as an excuse to cry and confess feelings. People hate being painted into a corner and will do anything to get out of that feeling. The last 3 times I have seen him - once intentionally to collect something and the others accidentally while out - and the last text exchanges, in July and last month, were all positive and his text replies warm and friendly, alluding to a place that 'you don't need to remind me where xx is'. Nothing begging or pleading at all. The last time he saw me I was sitting outside a cafe in the sun looking relaxed and happy (although I am not) with a friend. I have no plans to make contact but I might in the future. As for the negative comments, I'm not perfect, is anyone? I have dignity, I'm not a cold, unfeeling robot though and knocking someone when they are down - aren't we all to some extent, otherwise why would we be spilling our hearts out to strangers? - really is very harsh and unhelpful. Edited October 19, 2012 by Jingle14
simpilot Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 The last 3 times I have seen him - once intentionally to collect something and the others accidentally while out - and the last text exchanges, in July and last month, were all positive and his text replies warm and friendly, alluding to a place that 'you don't need to remind me where xx is'. Nothing begging or pleading at all. The last time he saw me I was sitting outside a cafe in the sun looking relaxed and happy (although I am not) with a friend. I have no plans to make contact but I might in the future. As for the negative comments, I'm not perfect, is anyone? I have dignity, I'm not a cold, unfeeling robot though and knocking someone when they are down - aren't we all to some extent, otherwise why would we be spilling our hearts out to strangers? - really is very harsh and unhelpful. Glad to hear it Jingle, I was only implying to contact them if you still had feelings for them which I had assumed you had. Keep on being positive and keeping your guard up from them. I don't think it is wrong to shoot a text or call their way after an extended period after the breakup. In my past I have always gone NC and for all the good reasons (they were just simply not a nice person, I was blinded by my love or "infatuation", I wasn't in love with them.)
Author Jingle14 Posted October 19, 2012 Author Posted October 19, 2012 (edited) Glad to hear it Jingle, I was only implying to contact them if you still had feelings for them which I had assumed you had. Keep on being positive and keeping your guard up from them. I don't think it is wrong to shoot a text or call their way after an extended period after the breakup. In my past I have always gone NC and for all the good reasons (they were just simply not a nice person, I was blinded by my love or "infatuation", I wasn't in love with them.) I absolutely do, I have never gotten over him and I doubt I ever will. I really felt he was my 'one' (he said the same too) and I wake up every day hoping this will be the day he contacts me. He never does though and, 16 months on, I'm still completely heartbroken at losing him but I do keep it together when I see him (he lives in my neighbourhood, sometimes I avoid going out in case I do see him if it's a day I'm not feeling great or able to deal with it). I never felt a stronger bond with anyone than him - again, he said the same, although he clearly decided otherwise in the end or he would still be with me - not even my husband or 22 years, the father of my son. Edited October 19, 2012 by Jingle14
simpilot Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 I absolutely do, I have never gotten over him and I doubt I ever will. I really felt he was my 'one' (he said the same too) and I wake up every day hoping this will be the day he contacts me. He never does though and, 16 months on, I'm still completely heartbroken at losing him but I do keep it together when I see him (he lives in my neighbourhood, sometimes I avoid going out in case I do see him if it's a day I'm not feeling great or able to deal with it). I never felt a stronger bond with anyone than him - again, he said the same, although he clearly decided otherwise in the end or he would still be with me - not even my husband or 22 years, the father of my son. Awe well I hope you either A. get over him completely or B. Make contact with them to find out if it is worth pursuing. We all get stubborn and reject that person during a breakup but if you really would like a chance at a relationship with them again after this long I don't see what it would hurt. Just coffee or lunch with NO motive of a reconciliation. If they oblige they probably have been wanting to talk and see you as well even if they don't have those feelings. You can gain closure without getting hurt. 1
Author Jingle14 Posted October 19, 2012 Author Posted October 19, 2012 Awe well I hope you either A. get over him completely or B. Make contact with them to find out if it is worth pursuing. We all get stubborn and reject that person during a breakup but if you really would like a chance at a relationship with them again after this long I don't see what it would hurt. Just coffee or lunch with NO motive of a reconciliation. If they oblige they probably have been wanting to talk and see you as well even if they don't have those feelings. You can gain closure without getting hurt. As someone who has been successful (and as others have said, you are in the minority, sadly) do you think it is still worth it after reading this (and excuse the typos in it, written in a hurry!)? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/348932-insanity-even-consider
simpilot Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 As someone who has been successful (and as others have said, you are in the minority, sadly) do you think it is still worth it after reading this (and excuse the typos in it, written in a hurry!)? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/348932-insanity-even-consider I will have a read and give you my honest opinion. I am a minority but of course that is because of the situation. My ex was an understanding realistic person that was willing to work on it. 1
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