Taking a break because of religious understanding

[Egychick]

Taking a break because of religious MISUNDERSTANDING.

 

If you have some knowledge of The Bible, it would be helpful or life experience related to a Christian relationship.

 

My boyfriend and I of more than a year, have been having issues, especially when it comes to the interpretation of the Bible. I feel I am very deep in my faith and growing closer to God everyday. He also is doing the same. Except the difference is he feels he knows so much more than me. Coupled with the word "submission," he believes he is the teacher and I am supposed to listen. Because I don't know much, I cannot argue his points, i.e., "Don't give what you don't have."

 

For example, I told him, everyone has their own personal relationship with God...and each relationship is unique. That means, we will follow His word but we have a personal relationship with him, he's like a father to us. And we are his child. No two relationships are alike. I did this to appease a discussion we were having. He started by saying, I hope you are not offended by my talk...and I tried to tell him, the above and that I respect different interpretations. I may not always see 1 verse of the Bible the same as he does. This is truth. But he got upset with me, and walked out. He packed his things and left. He says, he wants a woman of noble character who will accept her man whether he is wrong or right, treats her badly or not, and can humble herself, even if she is right, and he is wrong, to just say "sorry" and move on. There is truth to some of it. But I told him, I would never accept abuse from anyone...that's not right.

 

But he left cause he says, I am like 95% a noble woman, but I don't listen to the simple things he says. He wanted me to show submissiveness according to the Bible. I have tried to do this. But does that mean not saying my opinion when I feel he is looking at a Bible passage the wrong way? I don't want to be taught the wrong way. I've talked to pastoral staff, and that suggested I ask him, and he and I sit down with them. But he said, he doesn't need that now, he only needs it, if he decided I'm the one he should marry.

 

He says he used to be a player and slept around. Since he has been with me, he said he never cheated or did the things he used to do. And I'm the first woman that he has been faithful to. So, why is he leaving? Shouldn't you stay with someone who is a positive influence in your life. I know what you are saying...I'm answering my own questions....But just for the sake of argument...why leave someone who has tried to and has been a positive influence, taking you out of your own ways? Is the problem with me, or is he stubborn? I know I don't always listen, and I have my own opinion, and sometimes I mix up my words, and they don't come out right...but I try to do the best, to take his advice...and have done alot. But again, he says he doesn't see any changes and he is looking for me to change my attitude: That of a woman with a noble character.

 

Lastly, before he left he said: If I can't get what I want from a woman like you, with all of your good qualities and near noble character, how will I find it in any other woman?

 

So again, why is he leaving?

[threebyfate]

Imagine a lifetime of saying "Yes sir, no sir, three bags full sir". He's leaving because he wants a puppy, not a wife.

[Egychick]

He told me, he didn't want a slave. He wants someone with the attitude, And he mentioned (he's from Africa) that his cousin married a European and that it was sooo difficult. And he said, maybe he'd be better with an African woman.

[threebyfate]

Do you really want to marry a man you have to agree with, even if he's wrong? Do you want to live the life of a servant?

[Egychick]

No for sure not. It's just sad that he can't see it. I always pray that someone will talk to him by chance and tell him the truth. Sober him up, put him on the right path. But he always feels he's right in his interpretations of everything. Even when someone of the church tell him the truth, he'll only take what he wants to take. He'll understand, but only on a superficial level.

 

I'm just sad because I can't get through to him, it's really sad and disappointing to me.

[dreamstate83]

I will say this. My ex and I have been together for a very long time. I'm christian, she's athiest. Of all the disagreements we have had, religion was never a cause of trouble for us. We had our own beliefs and respected each other's as well. Maybe that's strange to a lot of people, but at the end of the day I'm looking for a life partner, not an after death partner (I won't need one when I'm dead after all).

 

The point I'm making is that if we could respect each other enough to not let it cause any issues, then there is no excuse for a christian to belittle another christian. I'm sorry you are going through this. Christianity isn't supposed to be a weapon (despite what the loud and corrupt might use it for).

[Egychick]

Thank you Gibson for the indept analysis! It was very useful. Yes, I feel like I have been emotionally beat down, and my self-esteem was already low before I met him, has basically now hit rock bottom.

 

Although he does have good qualities in many ways, it saddens me that he takes the Bible so much out of context. He uses my lack of knowledge by confusing me with lots of verses and parables, and I cannot compete with that. I'm still learning.

 

He sent me a text message a couple of days ago that said, "Hey my love, the one true love i've ever known that has brought me under submission of which I am proud to say" He told me to now misinterpret his intentions of submission. He said that I am not subjected to rules, laws, or his desires but that you EMBRACE submission as you ought to to fullfill that nature of a woman's noble character.

 

 

SO, then, how is it that his desire is for me to agree with him when it comes to the Bible? He is going against his words. He once told me, words don't mean anything (from me) he wants to see actions (from me). So then, am I to believe all of his love talk and sweet words were just that, words?!

 

I don't wish any bad on him. I wish no revenge nor do I have ill will towards him. But my one and only prayer is for God to humble him and show him the truth. Open his eyes to what he is doing...and how he intentionally/unintentionally misled someone who has trust in him...and only wants to understand more and not given the wrong meanings of things.

 

Really, I just wish God would open his eyes...I've been praying for this for a long time.

 

By the way, he said he isn't looking for a slave......

Edited October 17, 2012 by Egychick

[beyond]

Taking a break because of religious MISUNDERSTANDING.

 

If you have some knowledge of The Bible, it would be helpful or life experience related to a Christian relationship.

 

My boyfriend and I of more than a year, have been having issues, especially when it comes to the interpretation of the Bible. I feel I am very deep in my faith and growing closer to God everyday. He also is doing the same. Except the difference is he feels he knows so much more than me. Coupled with the word "submission," he believes he is the teacher and I am supposed to listen. Because I don't know much, I cannot argue his points, i.e., "Don't give what you don't have."

 

For example, I told him, everyone has their own personal relationship with God...and each relationship is unique. That means, we will follow His word but we have a personal relationship with him, he's like a father to us. And we are his child. No two relationships are alike. I did this to appease a discussion we were having. He started by saying, I hope you are not offended by my talk...and I tried to tell him, the above and that I respect different interpretations. I may not always see 1 verse of the Bible the same as he does. This is truth. But he got upset with me, and walked out. He packed his things and left. He says, he wants a woman of noble character who will accept her man whether he is wrong or right, treats her badly or not, and can humble herself, even if she is right, and he is wrong, to just say "sorry" and move on. There is truth to some of it. But I told him, I would never accept abuse from anyone...that's not right.

 

But he left cause he says, I am like 95% a noble woman, but I don't listen to the simple things he says. He wanted me to show submissiveness according to the Bible. I have tried to do this. But does that mean not saying my opinion when I feel he is looking at a Bible passage the wrong way? I don't want to be taught the wrong way. I've talked to pastoral staff, and that suggested I ask him, and he and I sit down with them. But he said, he doesn't need that now, he only needs it, if he decided I'm the one he should marry.

 

He says he used to be a player and slept around. Since he has been with me, he said he never cheated or did the things he used to do. And I'm the first woman that he has been faithful to. So, why is he leaving? Shouldn't you stay with someone who is a positive influence in your life. I know what you are saying...I'm answering my own questions....But just for the sake of argument...why leave someone who has tried to and has been a positive influence, taking you out of your own ways? Is the problem with me, or is he stubborn? I know I don't always listen, and I have my own opinion, and sometimes I mix up my words, and they don't come out right...but I try to do the best, to take his advice...and have done alot. But again, he says he doesn't see any changes and he is looking for me to change my attitude: That of a woman with a noble character.

 

Lastly, before he left he said: If I can't get what I want from a woman like you, with all of your good qualities and near noble character, how will I find it in any other woman?

 

So again, why is he leaving?

 

Hi Egychick,

 

I have just been reading some of your other threads posted over the last year about this 'man' - I use the term 'man' loosely.

 

You say you told him you would never accept abuse from anyone and yet he has done nothing but do that throughout your whole relationship. Do you see that, or has he got you feeling so low about yourself and lacking in self esteem that you can't see this?

 

Look back at your previous threads and read them as if a good friend/sister/someone you love has written them. Imagine what your thoughts and advice would be.

 

Previously he has been critical about your weight and said he wants to see results from you exercising or he will be angry and you said you felt scared. You mention that all of a sudden he will snap, ignore you and not want to look at you. He insults the way you speak, says when he gets money he'll find another girl and he doesn't know if he's happy with you. Do these all seem like loving actions?

 

I couldn't actually read anymore of your posts as it was upsetting. If all this weren't bad enough - he is deliberately taking the words of the Bible and twisting them for his own selfish ends. Gibson answered the religious questions you had perfectly and I would take a bet that you instinctivly know the real truth but are trying hard to think the best of him.

 

Please, PLEASE Egychick let him have this manipulative 'break' and use it to get the strength to see how badly he is treating you.

Can you talk to other respected members of your church and tell them your concerns? You can still pray for him and hope that God opens up his eyes to what he is doing but you don't have to be his girlfriend to do those things.

 

Of all the things you have said in the previous posts I looked at the saddest and most telling was - " Past boyfriends have had problems.....he's (this guy) the best one I've had so far"

 

xx

Edited October 17, 2012 by beyond

[Egychick]

We just broke up for good. He said he can't fight for this anymore. I pushed him to this. He said, he may never find another girl like me. But he had to do this, it was time.

 

With all my good qualities, love wasn't enough. He wants what he wants. And now he just wants to be single and do what he wants to do. Be by himself. He doesn't want any other woman right now.

 

Sadly, he won't even sit next to me in church.He says, I'll embarrass him, because people will think we are still together. And we are just "friends" and so he will say hi to me from time to time. But contact will be minimal. He will tell all his friends and people in the church that we are not together anymore. He said he will call our parents and tell them too.

 

He will come to pick up the rest of his stuff from my house tomorrow. And he'll give me my stuff that he has.

 

And as Beyond said, I have been praying for him. Praying that God will open his eyes and show him the truth about what The Word says. Not just what he thinks it says. One spiritual gift God gave me was a heart of love. So Eventhough he has not always been good with me, I still love him as a person and his good qualities and I do forgive him. I don't forget the bad. But I have to somehow be at peace. I hope God next time will send me the right guy...REALLY REALLY the right guy.