Girlfriend of 2 years said she didnt love me anymore and we broke up.

[shadow15]

Alright, this is my first time posting here and this is actually my first real break up, so ill try to keep it nice and short. Im just looking for suggestions and opinions on what people think about the situation and what i should do, im sure others have had similar stories, thank you for your time and input.

 

Alright to start it off, me and this girl started dating with i was a freshmen in college, i was 18, and she was a senior in high school, she was 17. This was also our first serious relationship and each our own first love, in which we became each others best friend. Shes the one that actually said i love you first, in which i replied by i dont wanna say that right now. Any who I lived at a school 2hrs away and we only got to see each other on the weekend that first semester; however, after my 2nd semester i came home to a community college, which then allowed us to start spending more time with each other. That first year was great, i cant really complain about anything about it. Following our one year anniversary, she was then a freshmen in college and was just 45 minutes away, she actually lived 30min away at her home but at college it was 45. That first year of college was different and it had its ups and downs, but we got through it together. Only real issue we had was she kinda ignored me when she was with her friends, meaning we didnt talk as much during the week especially at night, but that wasnt a big deal and we fixed that. There was the fact that we only got to see each other really on the weekends and maybe one day out of the week but we was used to that so it didnt really bother us. Plus during this year we both lost one of our grandparents, which brought us more close.

 

The following summer we got the closet we ever had been. She went on vacation with me and my family. We also got even closer before school went back in session, she stopped working the last little bit of summer at the beginning of august and we was able to see each other almost every other day, which was fantastic. Then school came back in session, and the first 2 weeks was fine. This year was her first year in the nursing program, plus she was also part of the cheer leading squad and does work study, so shes obviously is very busy. She barley had time to study and was not doing the best she could do in her classes due to everything else she had to do and was very stressed. I was still her rock at the time, she still came to me to talk about everything and we was ok. She also decided to stay home during her 2nd year of college, because of cost and since she was only 15 minutes away.

 

However she became closer girl friends to friends she knew in the nursing program and they asked her to get an apartment with them. I probably wasnt the most supportive boyfriend during that time, but i soon seen her reasoning behind wanting to get the apartment. This is where it starts going down hill, she felt distant ever since she got the apartment, we went on dates and it was fine at first but then she acted uninterested and bored by the end of the night. We didnt really talk as much and when we did talk she acted like she was forced. We started arguing more cause we wasnt talking and she came out and told me shes confused. I ask her why, and she says i want to enjoy college since its her only one time here, but i also want you and its hard to live a double life. She also told me about her she wished i went to school with her because she wants that experience of having class with her boyfriend, which i actually planned on going there this semester; however, i could not afford it.

 

Before anyone assumes, shes not the party girl. During our close time in august we discussed how we each changed each others lives. I was the dude who talked to every girl and was starting to party, but then i meet her and i didnt wanna do that, i knew she was the one and she also brought God back into my life. She told me how if it wasnt for me, she would more than likely be at a farther away school and be going down the party road like some of her friends did. She is also the type of girl saving herself for marriage, me and her did not have sex, even though we both wanted to, we just did everything else and i was her first for everything.

 

I also currently still go to the same community college and i work 20+ hours a week and with her schedule it was getting more difficult to see each other. And when we could see each other, she acted like she didnt want to or would say i want a chill night by myself, which made us argue more, so that put more tension on me cause i was trying my hardest to make time for both of us.

 

Our 2 year anniversary was coming up, i was planning something special, but she didnt wanna see me on our day. She said she does, but was to busy and had to study for 2 tests all night, which i let it go as bad as i didnt want to, hell i would have been happy to just eat with her for 30 minutes. I said ill see you tomorrow after your parade thing and pep rally since it was her schools homecoming week, my luck aye. I didnt hear from her except once that morning and i finally called her that night, she said we needed to talk and that i wasnt going to like it. She tells me she cant do this anymore, she said she feels bad for leading me on that she doesnt love me anymore and that she just sees me as a best friend. She said the reason shes been ignoring me and being mean these past couple of weeks was cause she wanted me to get mad at her and make it easier. She also said another reason was we grew apart, at least she felt that way, i of course didnt. I felt as if we didnt see each other as much, but i knew that was because of our 2 tough schedules but i was always trying to make it work somehow, by taking more days off work and getting more heat from there. She also said this has been going on for a while, off and on, but she said it was small and not a big deal, it always went away, but this time was different. She also never told me about when she was feeling that way before by the way.

 

So now its going on 3 weeks now, i was dead at first, i couldnt eat or sleep, its getting better but for some reason i want to know why she felt that way and i guess i want closure, but i also still have that small glimpse of hope i suppose. Isnt your boyfriend suppose to be your best friend though? Im guessing did we get boring or something with the same routine i suppose, i mean i dont know if i was too nice or to good. Im the type of boyfriend who makes her first and did what i could that was best for us, plus im the good boyfriend, i always opened up her car door and just always did little stuff u know.

 

I know shes the type that likes change and can not make up her mind for anything, and i guess she just got tired of us. She txted me a week after it happened asking hey how r you, but i wasnt going txt back, i didnt wanna deal with it, she then sent another one later that day saying so ur not going talk to me now. I then replied and we started having casual talk, she said the nursing program was getting harder, i replied with ur in the nursing program i didnt know that, and she sent me an emotion thingy and i said u could play along u know just kidding though with the lol jk in the txt, but she never replied that night. I txted her the next morning saying ill be serious, tell me how nursing school is getting harder, no reply and then i sent another one that night saying u know you can still talk to me and still nothing.

 

Another week goes by, i actually txted her first,yesterday actually, i dont know why, but i just a gut feeling saying to txt her. We casually talked again nothing big just about school, she said she was studying and i then ended the conservation by saying ill let u go so you can study; she did not reply. I also might add i accidently seen on twitter where she made a tweet about sometimes the grass aint always greener on the other side, but she then deleted it, so i can only assume what that means.

 

I do want us to work things out, i mainly wanna talk to her about how it ended, when it happened i asked her what are we going tell people and she said that shes going say we grew apart. I asked her why not tell the truth that you fell out of love with me, she says it is not their business. I disagreed, but i was to emotional to care at the time so i went along with it trying to be the better man, but i think im tired of it, i want people to know what really happened. I have had 3 weeks to pull myself together, and i noticed i been treated like crap.

 

I dont know maybe im just not over her yet, i did meet this one girl that i actually kissed, but in the back of my head all i was thinking about was the ex and thats not fair to the other girl, so me and her stopped talking. Now i just feel like nobody wants to talk to me, i msg girls but they dont really act interested and i would hang out with my friends but all my friends are 2 hours away and the only real friend i had was her.

 

Sorry if this sounds like a pity story and if i got a little longer that i intended. I really wanna know what other people think about this and i wanna know what their suggestions is since im guessing some can relate. I thank you for your time.

[Sav]

People change and feelings change too, I'm sorry to hear what you have gone through. I would advice you to focus on yourself during this period of time. You could spend a whole chunk of time wallowing in self-pity and wasting time while she gets on with her life OR you could grieve for awhile and stand up, dust yourself off and start improving your life.

 

You mentioned that you would like for the both of you to work out, but picture this. Tomorrow she comes back saying she made a mistake, you take her back, things are as as rosy as the past. Can you honestly say that you will not be afraid of her changing her mind again or "falling out of love" once more? IF you guys get back together, you would always have this scar and will always constantly be reminded of the way she left you that easily. The relationship will be a toxic one.

 

Things might work out YEARS later when you both become mature and different people but not now. It is hard to work through this but you will not die from a breakup. I understand where you're coming from because I too am in a similar situation where my ex of almost 3 years decided she fell out of love. It took me a month to see things how they were and work it out in my brain. I'm a few months into the breakup now and I can say even though I'm not 100% healed, I'm much better than the wreck I was.

 

Do I miss her? Hell yea. Do I want us back? Hell no. I will now always carry doubts in my head if we get back together. This will lead to quarrels, jealousy and many other problems that didn't exist in the first place. So go NC and heal, focus on your life, because no one else will

[NavyAirTraffic]

Ah sorry but you can't focus on yourself right now because you are still "couple you" you see the world from a couples perspective. When things happen you're used to texting your ex, want to see a movie you could just call her. Well like it or not the "couple you" is dead/dying. That is the pain you feel when you walk around, wake up, brush your teeth. You aren't used to "single you", your head and heart are fighting this transition with every step/breath you take.

 

First thing to do is focus on her. Sounds strange right but this is key. You are mourning a loss, she is no longer in your life and you must actively grieve. Take 3-7 days and grieve your loss. Don't focus on what you did wrong/could change, but only focus on "she's gone, she'll never be back". Bring to mind your best memories, first ever date, the day she just popped in. Really lean into the pain, make it hurt. You must stop after 7 days or it will become a habit. The more you do this the less impact they will have on you. By the end you'll almost force yourself to cry. This is a loss, almost like a death of sorts. This is natural and you're going to go through this grieving process anyway.

 

There is a lot more work to be done but for now morn your loss, grieve the death of couple you. This is the beginning of the transition to "single you".

[fetish1980]

Sav said it best, and Navy made good points as well.

 

Things are broken right now. It's like trying to pick up pieces of broken glass, you will cut yourself. Can you honestly say that you would ever be able to trust her again if you took her back? That part of the relationship has been changed forever.

 

I was in a situation too where an ex left me then wanted me back. I knew then it wouldn't have worked then because the only questions that would keep pounding in the back of my head is, Why did she leave? Who's she been with? and when will she leave again?

 

I know its painful. Navy made a good point, tho some of it i kind of disagreed with too. True , it's easy to get in to a habit of things and should out a limit to increase your awareness of how long we think about things. But don't be super disappointed if it takes longer than a specified amount of time because everyone heals at a different time. Some take longer than others.

 

I know it hurts, but keep focused on yourself and keep pressing ahead.

 

fetish

[shadow15]

Thanks for the input, and yea i do completely agree, my head and heart are constantly fighting each other. And i honestly dont want her back because of how she treated me and how it ended, hell when i went through our past photos, i started to realize i didnt even think she was that attractive any more and i knew i fell in love with her because of who she was and who we were, which is a good thing because thats what made me attractive to her. I guess thats real love, i dont know. But people change, which means im also going have to change to. I knew all of these things before i made this thread, i think i just wanted to talk to other people who been in my shoes. I was tired of aggravating my friends about it cause i know they dont wanna hear this stuff any more than what i wanna talk about it.

 

I think my main issue right now is, its been so long since i played the single game, its hard to wrap my head around it. I kinda forgot how to engage women that i do not know and i think that intimates me. I suppose this break up made me lose quite some self esteem, and i dont know how to bring it back up. Does anybody have any suggestions?

Edited October 17, 2012 by shadow15

[shadow15]

I also have another question to go along the gaining self esteem. I know this I stupid for thinking but I wanna contact to talk her about everything since we haven't since the break up. I'm now emotional stable to talk about it an tell her how I feel about the whole situation. Is this a good idea or should I continue the NC? Plus I wanna tell her about how's she changed and I know it's not my place to, but I feel like if I don't nobody else will. I know this still shows I still care and I know that's a bad thing, and she should be prolly realize it herself but i don't know. What does everyone else think, am I feeling stupid and should I just let this go or should I contact her and tell her how I feel about everything. I know this will prolly drive her father away but the way I see it she's already far enough, what's a little farther you know.

[Chi townD]

Yeah...okay. Dude, you're not emotionally stable. This break up is still new and nerves are raw. You're just trying to give yourself an excuse to see her again. If you do, I guarantee you that those romantic feelings for her arfe gonna come back to you hard. You're just re-opening a wound that you're trying to get healed.

 

Best to let sleeping dogs lie.

[shadow15]

What I mean by emotionally stable, is that I'm able to talk about it without getting upset and I can actually tell people how I feel about it without getting all emotional. I suppose it is a bad idea though, it's not my business anymore. Plus I wouldn't have gone seen her anyways, I would have emailed her bout every thing.

[NewPerspective93]

First off, you don't deserve to make yourself miserable by yearning for someone who doesn't feel the same. I apologize if I sound harsh, but accepting the fact that she doesn't harbor the same feelings makes it a bit easier, for it helps you understand that you can't do anything to change her mind but move on with your life.

 

I understand that you still have feelings for her, but the best course of action would be to accept it and move on. If you keep contemplating over what happened, it'll just make you feel worse.

 

Take a breather, walk to clear your head, and focus on school to better move on.

 

Keep your head up and breathe. It can only get better from here.