Mochalatte Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 (edited) I don't know what to make of it all. Our history...He was an old highschool friend that had a crush on me. We got back in contact. We live about 4hrs away from each other. His wife was an alcoholic and I was seperated. We fell in love. We saw each other maybe 3x a month for 9months..talked, txt, via chat. He finally said he had found an apartment and that he was leaving. Long story short. On that very day my stbx contacted his wife...all hell broke loose. He chose to stay with her (of course). Through me under the bus. We spoke over the phone and said our last goodbyes. Very painful. I feel into a depression. I really loved him. And really thought he did me. We both swore forever we would love each other. He said he would always love me. I felt as if he had died. My best friend and my lover were gone just like that. FF to now three years later. He contacted me via fb using a family members page two weeks ago. I was shocked but knew it was him. This family member was dying so he was using their fb to keep everyone informed. I knew he was obviously stalking my page so I left a kind note as a status. Addressed it as a way he know. Nothing sappy at all. Just kind. Two days ago he calls me out of the blue. Wow! Three years it had been. I was in shock. And wish I would have said more but I was so caught off guard. He got my public note and thought it was sweet. He asked for me to forgive him for what he did to me. That none of his feelings in the past were a lie. That he thinks about me everyday. He has been following me via fb all this time. He knew so many other things that had happened to me throughout the years. I am athletic...he had kept up with all of my game scores! He still even has some of my old things I gave him...he said buried in a drawer. He said that my fb post seem sad sometimes and at times really happy. He worries about me. He said he visited my city late last year and went by job site...and drove through the parking lots looking for my car. He had wanted to see me but "chickened" out. He said he cared about me so much. I told him that I was happy. That everything was good. Such a lie though. Told him I was divorced...life was better. He was still married to his wife. He said it had been a hard road. At the time he was forced immediately to make a decision and he didn't know what to do but stay. That my name still comes up and he isn't trusted at times. But he was ok with it. He said he was happy. Even expecting another baby. We ended the convo with he was going to keep up with me via a fb...but he couldn't call me or see me bc it wouldn't be fair to her. He said things happen for a reason. That he couldn't have left his job and moved closer to me. And he couldn't have asked me to do so bc I have children that need their family here. I asked him if he had any regrets about his choice, and he said no. Things were good and she was better. And he wants to be a better dad. But I can't help but think that he was full of it...just as much as I was. It was as if she was who he wanted her to be now, but there was still something missing. Like love. Real love. Now, my heart is broken all over again. Because I still love him. And I always will. We both said we would. But... it will never happen. It was so surreal talking to him...bc in my heart he died three years ago. Why did he do this? I have such mixed signals. Why even be concerned with me anymore...he has a baby on the way...a wife. Why would he say he cared about me...yet claim to be happy in his situation. Edited October 17, 2012 by Mochalatte
veryhappy Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 What a...I'm so sorry for you. How dare he? You can't keep in touch, he can't stalk you on fb. Tell him he's not to contact you unless divorced, and delete his access to your profile on fb or whatever. I'm not on fb - one of those people lol. It doesn't mean anything that he got in touch with you, he was jist nostalgic or wanted you to pick him up. Your feelings did not matter at all and that's all you need to keep in mind. 2
whichwayisup Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 He's got some big balls to do this..Then again, you kind of put it out there by making a FB status update that would bring him back into your life on some level. Anyway, what do you want to happen? A facebook friendship that feeds his ego? A one sided friendship, that he is in control of? It took you a long time to get over him, 3 years later and now you're feeling things that you thought were buried.. Is this minimal contact worth feeding your feelings? All for what?? Really think about this! The positives and negatives of you two keeping in touch on fb. Just my opinion, but it's pretty shi.tty of him to reach out to you this way PERIOD, especially since his wife is pregnant again. So there's no phone calls, no seeing each other 'out of respect' for his wife.. Yeah right. So fb is OK? That's still a form of cheating and betraying his wife..The woman he chose over you 3 years ago. I say, tell him goodbye, wish him well and then block him on facebook. 1
2sunny Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 He's got some big balls to do this..Then again, you kind of put it out there by making a FB status update that would bring him back into your life on some level. Anyway, what do you want to happen? A facebook friendship that feeds his ego? A one sided friendship, that he is in control of? It took you a long time to get over him, 3 years later and now you're feeling things that you thought were buried.. Is this minimal contact worth feeding your feelings? All for what?? Really think about this! The positives and negatives of you two keeping in touch on fb. Just my opinion, but it's pretty shi.tty of him to reach out to you this way PERIOD, especially since his wife is pregnant again. So there's no phone calls, no seeing each other 'out of respect' for his wife.. Yeah right. So fb is OK? That's still a form of cheating and betraying his wife..The woman he chose over you 3 years ago. I say, tell him goodbye, wish him well and then block him on facebook. I agree! He got his big fat ego boost AGAIN t your expense! Stop ALLOWING him to hurt you! He's not leaving her! Cut him off from seeing anything about you/your life! Go out on dates and with friends! Start living again! Life is too short - get busy living! 1
2sunny Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 And send a FB message to his wife telling her to have him stop stalking you or you'll file a restraining order if he contacts again. Get this chapter closed - he lied about getting a divorce in order to date you. Now he calls while his wife is pregnant... The guy's a total douche!
skywriter Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 I don't know what to make of it all. Our history...He was an old highschool friend that had a crush on me. We got back in contact. We live about 4hrs away from each other. His wife was an alcoholic and I was seperated. We fell in love. We saw each other maybe 3x a month for 9months..talked, txt, via chat. He finally said he had found an apartment and that he was leaving. Long story short. On that very day my stbx contacted his wife...all hell broke loose. He chose to stay with her (of course). Through me under the bus. We spoke over the phone and said our last goodbyes. Very painful. I feel into a depression. I really loved him. And really thought he did me. We both swore forever we would love each other. He said he would always love me. I felt as if he had died. My best friend and my lover were gone just like that. FF to now three years later. He contacted me via fb using a family members page two weeks ago. I was shocked but knew it was him. This family member was dying so he was using their fb to keep everyone informed. I knew he was obviously stalking my page so I left a kind note as a status. Addressed it as a way he know. Nothing sappy at all. Just kind. Two days ago he calls me out of the blue. Wow! Three years it had been. I was in shock. And wish I would have said more but I was so caught off guard. He got my public note and thought it was sweet. He asked for me to forgive him for what he did to me. That none of his feelings in the past were a lie. That he thinks about me everyday. He has been following me via fb all this time. He knew so many other things that had happened to me throughout the years. I am athletic...he had kept up with all of my game scores! He still even has some of my old things I gave him...he said buried in a drawer. He said that my fb post seem sad sometimes and at times really happy. He worries about me. He said he visited my city late last year and went by job site...and drove through the parking lots looking for my car. He had wanted to see me but "chickened" out. He said he cared about me so much. I told him that I was happy. That everything was good. Such a lie though. Told him I was divorced...life was better. He was still married to his wife. He said it had been a hard road. At the time he was forced immediately to make a decision and he didn't know what to do but stay. That my name still comes up and he isn't trusted at times. But he was ok with it. He said he was happy. Even expecting another baby. We ended the convo with he was going to keep up with me via a fb...but he couldn't call me or see me bc it wouldn't be fair to her. He said things happen for a reason. That he couldn't have left his job and moved closer to me. And he couldn't have asked me to do so bc I have children that need their family here. I asked him if he had any regrets about his choice, and he said no. Things were good and she was better. And he wants to be a better dad. But I can't help but think that he was full of it...just as much as I was. It was as if she was who he wanted her to be now, but there was still something missing. Like love. Real love. Now, my heart is broken all over again. Because I still love him. And I always will. We both said we would. But... it will never happen. It was so surreal talking to him...bc in my heart he died three years ago. Why did he do this? I have such mixed signals. Why even be concerned with me anymore...he has a baby on the way...a wife. Why would he say he cared about me...yet claim to be happy in his situation. I remember saying to the exM once, "You must really care about me to take the risk you do to come spend time with me". His reply, "Of course". Thank goodness, your ex contacted his W that day. It saved you, "some" wasted time, heaven know MM, aren't concerned with wasing your time. It's akin to brainwashing, Mochalatte. Rationalise this situation in your mind. Don't ask yourself why he would care about me?Ask yourself, why do I care what he's thinking and why do I even make contact? If he was'n t happy, he"s the only one, besides his W, that do something about it. You got your divorce. You post takes on a tone of feeling, maybe, sympathetic towards him. He threw you under the bus! That right there would trump anything else, for me.... 1
skywriter Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 How sad it is that this man stayed married because of obligation when he obviously loves another woman and not his wife. If that is true, then it is sad for all concerned. 1
GoldenFlower Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 Look at your situation as "You are the one that got away". Think about it do you really want to be in her shoes? It's hard to let go when we love someone and it hurts when they come back and we realize that although we have changed they haven't. If he really cares then he should let you have peace in your life and stay out the way. 1
whichwayisup Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 Interesting conclusion. My conclusion is: How sad it is that this man stayed married because of obligation when he obviously loves another woman and not his wife. He doesn't love her enough. if he did, he would have left his wife 3 years ago.. Remember, she reached out first and then the rest of the contact came from him afterwards. Who's to say (you?) that the guy doesn't love his wife? Men like ego strokes and he knows that she's still into him. If he wanted what was best for her, loved and respected her, he wouldn't be playing this 'let's keep in touch on fb only, to keep tabs on each other'.. I doubt he is "in love", if anything he's in love with himself. 4
2sunny Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 His phone all served what purpose? To see IF YOU might step back in with him.. You should have told him to take a flying leap! Call his wife and tell her!
whichwayisup Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 How sad it is that this man stayed married because of obligation when he obviously loves another woman and not his wife. Yet his wife is pregnant again.. 1
skywriter Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 Yet his wife is pregnant again.. Timing on this one is obvious, eh?!! Mochalatte....how's this info make you feel about high school mate?
shayla Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 This was a 4 position mindf__k, nothing more. Oh, how nice of him to grace you with his hallowed prescence, on Facebook no less....I swear FB is the devil! I'd block everything I had that he could get to and never speak to him again.
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