missing them/the relationship?

[JustALittleBit]

Hi all, just wondering on the distinction between the two. Lately I have been missing him, which is strange because it has been consistent for the past few days and before that I was just angry (I switch between the two).

 

Today I thought, maybe I just miss him because I miss the relationship. And in some respects it is true, I miss having someone to hold/be held by mostly. Also to talk to.. I don't know, just some random things. (I have lots of friends though so I am not lonely but I HAVE been stressed). For some reason being with him made me feel like everything would be ok, even though I felt he did not support me enough.

 

But there is more to it, I feel like in some respects I do actually miss HIM. But at the same time, I can't place why and our relationship often left me feeling unfulfilled. I almost feel like it's like a sibling, where you can love them but not like them, because right now I really don't like him - mostly because of how he made me feel not good enough etc. So when I think that I miss him, I can't pinpoint anything I actually miss.

 

We broke up a few months ago btw, haven't spoken in over a month. I don't really have urges to contact him, but I guess I am still hoping he will contact me... although I don't know if I'd even reply. He didn't do anything horrible, just didn't invest like I did and I think still had feelings for his ex.

 

So yes, basically - what is going on inside my head?

 

Edited to add: After re-reading this, I think it sounds like I am stressed and miss the comfort. But how could he have provided me with comfort while at the same time making me feel not good enough? How does that work?

Edited October 17, 2012 by JustALittleBit

[River Rain]

After the breakup, I missed the idea of "us". I was lonely for the company, missed the conversations, that feeling of comfort/security at having a boyfriend who loved me, and the talk about plans for the future. Though now I wouldn't want to ever get back with him because I don't like him as a person. I don't think it's unusual for you to miss the relationship because maybe at this point, you're idealizing it in a way?

[JayL]

It's normal..

 

I'm currently at my "acceptance" stage.

 

It all ended as she was only 50% into the relationship (her own words) the whole time and she could not explain or pinpoint why.

 

She enjoyed her "freedom" too much, her alone time, her space, she's always out with friends, which was fine.

 

She did not like the idea of being committed to someone, but wants a relationship.

 

At first, we were fine making plans together, but the last couple of weeks we were together, if I ask her "Want to go to Niagara Falls this weekend?" She will tell me "We'll see, I'll let you know". That's because she wants to know first if her friends are doing something for that weekend.

 

If she spends time with me on a Saturday, for example, she will spend the ENTIRE day first with her friends and spend the remaining few hours of the night with me.

 

I never said a thing, I let her do her thing. If she's out with friends, she doesn't hear from me and she's the one to text me or call me when she gets home. Perhaps, she did not like the feeling of obligation that someone is waiting for her to message/call when she gets home?

 

I've always been a very laid back type of boyfriend.

 

Yesterday, I shouldn't have, but I did send her a text message.

 

This is what I exactly said...

 

"Hey, I know it's been awhile now, but I want to say this for the last time as I don't want to look back in the future and have regrets. I still have feelings for you, I still want to be with you, so if you feel the same, let's talk things over. I'm not sure what it was that held you back from fully investing your emotions into our relationship, from being open with me. I know that there were things that you kept hidden from me and whatever it is, I am open to accept them and live with them as they are a part of you. You don't have to respond, I just needed to let this out and try for the very last time before the last shard of my feelings for you fade. At least that way, one day, when I look back... I can say I gave it my everything".

 

She did not respond.

 

I'm at the stage where I've come to accept that it's over, but I still look back to the days that her and I spent together, the things we did together, the moments we shared together.

 

I miss all of them, her kiss, her touch, the way she smells, the warmth of her body, her text messages every morning, in the afternoon and our goodnight phone calls at night. Me driving straight to her place after work to have dinner together with her and her family.

 

They're all gone now and they're all good memories now.

 

Move on and carry them with you.

 

You're getting there.

Edited October 17, 2012 by JayL

[Hobbit]

Its been months since my BU and Im missing her more everyday. I have to see her most days and it kills me inside. It hurts more because I still have no closure from her yet, I know I had faults but I dont know what triggered her falling out of love with me.

 

I feel like Tantalus, always seeing her but never being able to reach out and touch her again