AllieKat Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 Anyone have any advice, pointers, tips on how to go about rebuilding the trust in a marriage after lies? No affair took place just lies! Anyone had any luck doing this?
TheFemaleVoice Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 I can honestly say i have been where you are right now, it can be done, but he has to be willing to put the forth the effort to change, realtionships are a 50/50 thing and to me honesty is the base of every relationship. My husband and I have been through this before several times, and its almost ripped our marriage apart, but i think he has finally changed for good this time. You have to remeber to breath beause it will take time and nothing can magically change overnight as amazing as that would be. Men dont think about things in the same perspecitve as us women do, and sometimes that can make it really hard. If its nothing to bad, and this is the first time that hes really lied to you, then i say take a leap of faith and just talk it through. Best of luck to you.
Author AllieKat Posted October 17, 2012 Author Posted October 17, 2012 Thanks! Im actually the one who lied so Im hoping we can move forward and rebuild the trust. Right now Hubby isnt sure if we can or cant.
River Rain Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 I think it all depends on the person individually. I wanted to trust him again, but there were just so many lies and I was afraid I would always be wondering if he was telling me the truth or not. I kind of have a zero tolerance trust threshold, which is probably harsh to some, but once my trust has been betrayed, I can't go back. Trust is built on honest, positive experiences and quality time together. I hope you can work things out and stop the lying.
mass millz Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 What do these lies consist of? Did you lie to get out of something? Lying over bad habits? Telling stories that never happened? Every lie has it's own damage effect. What is it exactly your lying about....Please be honest
Author AllieKat Posted October 17, 2012 Author Posted October 17, 2012 I just lied about to him about one major thing. Its never been my way or my style but I did it! I lied about going to dr for bloodwork when i was preggo. I told him i went but i didnt i chickened out and didnt come clean till i miscarried a few weeks later. I have had miscarriages before ( ectopic) and thats why i chickened out i didnt want to hear this baby would be a miscarriage too and i was in i think at the time thinking if i didnt go they couldnt give me bad news! I wasnt thinking straight no excuse either way I lied!
veryhappy Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 You actually have a good excuse. You were extremely anxious. Just explain it to him, and he should understand.
mass millz Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 Aww hon I'm sorry, Nothing wrong with the way you handled things. There is no real breach of trust or pathological lying going on. You knew it would be bad news from past experience... I know, been there myself a few times before my first son was born. Blood work early on is not a good sign of a healthy pregnancy. You are not a liar and if he can't trust you over that then he needs to grow up a little. He should have sympathy for you other then underlying trust issues. You know your body better then anyone else and knew what the outcome was going to be beforehand. It's not on you, and I'm sorry for your loss...
CarboniteCammy Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 He needs to cut you some slack, IMHO. (hugs)
whichwayisup Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 I just lied about to him about one major thing. Its never been my way or my style but I did it! I lied about going to dr for bloodwork when i was preggo. I told him i went but i didnt i chickened out and didnt come clean till i miscarried a few weeks later. I have had miscarriages before ( ectopic) and thats why i chickened out i didnt want to hear this baby would be a miscarriage too and i was in i think at the time thinking if i didnt go they couldnt give me bad news! I wasnt thinking straight no excuse either way I lied! I think under the circumstances, he needs to put himself in your shoes and understand the emotional turmoil you felt in the past and how hard it is/was for you. Also, that you probably didn't want to worry him (or as you say, hear negative things from him) so you did what you thought was best. This wasn't a malicious lie or one to hurt him - it was more to protect yourself from more pain. Don't beat yourself up over this. Give him time to work through it and hopefully he'll come around and understand, be more trustful of you again soon.
Author AllieKat Posted October 18, 2012 Author Posted October 18, 2012 Thank you all!! Im hoping to he trust me again
Recommended Posts