kyle77 Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 So I am a little confused with my progress lately. It seems at time I am completely over my ex-girlfriend but then in a couple weeks, I am crazy about her again. This has been happening on and off for a while now. I am just wondering when does that Ahaa moment come where you are like "I am completely over my ex"? Do I just have to accept that I will never be over my ex? That doesn't seem to be to healthy mentally. I would love to hear your stories too, about how you officially got over your ex!
NavyAirTraffic Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 Took me 5 years last time I had my heart broken. Didn't officially get over her until I joined the navy and moved 3 states away. Having said that it's been just over 10 years now and I still think about her. It doesn't hurt when I do, I just think of her once in a blue moon.
Author kyle77 Posted October 17, 2012 Author Posted October 17, 2012 Oh boy! I don't even want to live or even think about living a life where I recall all these moments of my ex. Ill go crazy
RachaelSwerk Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 I don't think that you'll go crazy dear. We have all had to deal with it. It is simply part of life. It is what all those heartbreak songs are all about. Overtime, the thoughts will fade so that they don't bother you that much. They will still be there, but they wont have the same impact.
Author kyle77 Posted October 17, 2012 Author Posted October 17, 2012 Will that be anytime soon because its been a year and every time I get the impression a guy is going after her or trying to be with her I want to rip his head off and I can't do anything about this feeling....admittedly it has gotten a bit easier but I just get the impression that I am never going to have closure, which is really what I want if I can't have my ex back.
RachaelSwerk Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 It will probably be a few months after you finally quit paying attention to your ex, dear! How would you know if some guy is about to ask her out? How would you know that she is still alive? Unless you have a child together, what reason do you have to keep touch with her?
Author kyle77 Posted October 17, 2012 Author Posted October 17, 2012 I guess I'm just a little messed up right now because occasionally she texts me and talks to me like there is still something there. So I get excited and I tend to check her social media accounts more closely for a week afterwards. I know it's not good and it really is my fault for feeling this way but I feel like I subconsciously would rather go through the pain for the hope that I could one day be with her again.
RachaelSwerk Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 Do you think that if the two of you did get back together that it would work? There are plenty of stories on this site of couples that tried again, and failed again.
Author kyle77 Posted October 17, 2012 Author Posted October 17, 2012 To be honest I think it would work....I have learnt a lot and I have realized how much I truly did value our relationship. I feel guilty that it took me this long to realize this and it is my fault I didn't realize it when I was with her. But I can't make her love me and I don't want to. I guess my problem is that I want her to be with me but it has to be a decision of her own and she has to make the decision to want to be with me or to even give me a chance
RachaelSwerk Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 I think that explains why you are still waiting for an "ahhaaa" moment. You are still waiting for her to come back. 1
Author kyle77 Posted October 17, 2012 Author Posted October 17, 2012 so you think I have to make the decision then to pursue her or keep her out of my life for good?
Hobbit Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 Not bloody soon enough I have to see my ex nearly everyday because of our kids so I guess never, I dont have the luxury of making a clean break gutted
GoldenFlower Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 I have 3 kids with my old old ex (many moons ago) we were together from the time i was 17 until I was 25 (when we had our last baby) it took me about a year to get over him not being tied to me as a bf. I had to put my kids first and move on. I don't think there was ever and "ah ha moment"" but I learned to accept that we just weren't good as a couple. I still love him (just not in a romantic way) but I don't want a relationship outside of the kids (other then being good parents to them, which we are). Give yourself time, it gets better trust me. Don't beat yourself up about it. 1
River Rain Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 I came to that realization after lots of thought about the reasons why I shouldn't have been with him in the first place. If I kept dwelling on the nice times, promises and loving words, I'd still be wishing for "us". What helped as well was meeting new people, and starting to get to know new guys for potential dating. That also showed me that I deserved to be treated better, and it kind of helped to erase the "what if" thoughts. And sure, I think about him, can't help it, he was a big part of my life this year, but there's really no romantic feeling attached to the thought anymore. Just a kind of "phewf" feeling that I'm out of that relationship.
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