shelley3 Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 I just left my ex of 7 years we have two kids and are bitterly fighting over custody. Ever since then I have lost nearly all my friends it feels like and I am lonely and need someone to talk to. I thought I would be fine, I thought I had lots of friends to listen. I am disappointed I feel I was so wrong. My friend asked me to lunch saying he wanted to be there for me. He ended up trying to kiss me and when I said I'm not ready for this he didn't take it well. I've had several friends ask me out on dates or express interest, I felt disappointed. Things are different after i reject the advances, no matter how nice i am. I feel like they were never my friends. My girlfriends are more interested in going out and don't really willing to listen, they act like some drunken night out is the cure and to start dating just move on. I have 3 kids and am fighting to keep them drinking and dating are not on my mind. Also its been only one month since I left my ex and its way to soon. I am just kind of lonely all the time and could use an actual friend not someone trying to sleep with be or be my drinking buddy. I felt the need to cent tonight so I came here since no one else gives a crap.
carhill Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 Are your girlfriends also mothers? IMO, it would be healthy to pass on men in general for now, at least heterosexual single men. It's normal for them to smell blood in the water when a woman is contemplating or going through a breakup or divorce. Few can turn off those base drives and instincts and probably that's a good thing. IME, such times are better spent with family and friends, and of course one's children. A lot of ladies on LS are mothers so perhaps they can offer additional insights. IMO, part of recovery is becoming comfortable with and loving the person currently alone, yourself. Good luck.
Author shelley3 Posted October 17, 2012 Author Posted October 17, 2012 Thank you for responding. My kids are the only thing that gives me peace right now, I can't talk to them about any of this though it wouldn't be right. I am trying tokeep them as little effected as possible. I hope people on here will be kind. Who knows thank you
carhill Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 Your username reminds me of many late night phone conversations a generation ago with someone in similar circumstances, someone I had loved during that time. So, perhaps, that impels an empathy not otherwise shared. At minimum, you're not alone. It's a big world with a lot of people, and many of us have gone or are going through what you are experiencing. If you ask your girlfriends for quality friend time alone, rather than 'going out' and 'partying' with guys, what is their response? A good friend is flexible. I recall, during my D, my best friend and his wife would have a standing invitation to dinner at their house each weekend. He and I would BBQ, drink some beers and just be together as men. He knew my exW, and they continue as friends, but he was there to support me during a difficult time, as I've done for him over the decades. I've no exigent fear of 'being alone' but will state that those weekends helped immeasurably during a painful time in life and have told him so. What are your options? You have your parents, apparently living with them now. Your children do provide love and affection in their innocent way, the balance being a protection of their feelings from the painful realities of what you face, as you shared. Friends you say you have lost many of. OK, accept that. It's real. It's here. It's now. TBH, I found the MC (counseling) my exW and I went through to help immeasurably, even though the M ultimately failed. Is that in any way available to you? In our case, I spent some of my retirement on it as insurance didn't cover it all. Being 'heard' is important. Finding new potentials and new truths and new paths is also important, as you are embarking on a new chapter of life. If it is possible, consider it (counseling). It won't assuage the feelings of loneliness in the same way as the touch of another human does, but it can help one process the real in a different way, so 'alone' doesn't have to mean 'lonely'. For comic relief you can watch the presidential debates, on right now
Author shelley3 Posted October 17, 2012 Author Posted October 17, 2012 I am staying with my parents who are very supportive but more of the "I told you that you should've left him years ago" type people. My girlfriends do want to do things I will not drink though so a movie or dinner night sounds so nice. All my money is paying for my lawyer so counseling unless free I just can't afford. Its just good to vent sometimes. So thanks for listening I have never been on a site like this till now I can see how they can be therapeutic. I do feel some possibly in part because I am used to having a partner even if he was very mean. I just felt the need to vent so had tonight, I just felt lonely. 1
carhill Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 A couple of options might be the psychology department at your local college or university which offers free or low-cost counseling, or some self-help with a local 'parents without partners' or similar group for divorcing or recently divorced parents. Cast around and see what you can find. Perhaps, incidental to such pursuits, you might meet some people who would become new friends. Divorce is a life change, for some only second to death of a partner or self. It's a big deal You'll get through it.
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