Immissme Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 He was fired from his job cause he got arrested for DUI on his way to my house from his buddy's house. I feel bad but I'm not sure what situation I'm going in if I continue to date date him. Hes a nice guy and we get along well. Any advice? Thanks.
Mme. Chaucer Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 When I read the title, I planned to come here and say "of course! Lots of people lose jobs, it's not a character inditement." But, losing a job because of a DUI arrest? I'd lose the guy fast. That said, though, it looks like you think it's normal for a guy to drive drunk. Why would a responsible guy do that? I think you should move on. And watch out for danger signs in future prospects. 3
missgangrene Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 He was fired from his job cause he got arrested for DUI on his way to my house from his buddy's house. I feel bad but I'm not sure what situation I'm going in if I continue to date date him. Hes a nice guy and we get along well. Any advice? Thanks. Ummm, in this situation, the fact that he drives drunk is worse than him being unemployed.
Author Immissme Posted October 17, 2012 Author Posted October 17, 2012 Weve been seeing each other for 6 weeks exclusively but were not in a relationship yet. We said for any reason we decide not to see each other we let each other know. I met his friends. He met my mom.
HeldbyGravity Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 I would be more concerned with the DUI than a lost job. I have read your situation before though... I think he was a wee bit intoxicated coming to your house, not normally the type to do that stuff? I think his response to the lost job matters a lot. My dad was laid off so many times, but he kept getting back in the game to get a new job. Eventually, he found the one he'd be working at for the rest of his life, problem solved. I mean it's normal for him to be even a little depressed about it, but as long as he gets his head back in the game, he may be fine.
CarrieT Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 When I read the title, I planned to come here and say "of course! Lots of people lose jobs, it's not a character inditement." But, losing a job because of a DUI arrest? I'd lose the guy fast. That is practically what I was about to say... I lost my job a few months into dating my current BF and he was completely supportive in my job hunt.
ascendotum Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 I have not been done on DUI, but have a few friends who have. For some it was just a matter of time due to their recklessness, but for others it was just a rare incident...getting busted driving to the shop 5 mins away in the back streets, getting a call by a woman to come over after they had had a few (just over the limit), etc. Reckless disregard or stupid acts were not part of their regular behaviour. It would be really rough of a partner not stick by them due to that imo Given you are not in a relationship, well its not a good start by him. No car & no job, given you are still in the 'getting to know you' stage of things, I would not blame you for re-evaluating things.
mammasita Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 I don't think losing the job is as big of a deal as the DUI. Absolutely I would date someone who was unemployed, but it really depends on the circumstances. Laid off Vs fired and why.
Author Immissme Posted October 17, 2012 Author Posted October 17, 2012 He's never driven drunk before. It's the first time, maybe cause he wanted to go to my family's party thats why he drove intoxicated. Before if he was drinking, he always spent the night at his buddy's house. I invited him to go to my family's party it's the same night he and his buddy were hanging out. He's a responsible guy as far as I know.
carhill Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 I have an anecdote: employee burns rubber out into the street after having a few drinks at his house. Cop observes, stops him and processes DUI. His girlfriend was in the house. He goes to jail for the night. His DUI causes his termination from job, as his job is driving a heavy hauling truck, requiring a CDL and appropriate insurance, neither of which can be provided to a DUI recipient. His girlfriend continues to date him, as far as I know. At minimum, her car is still parked at his house. I know because he rents the house from his now- former employer, now paying for it with unemployment benefits. This is a mid-30's male with two teenage daughters. You can't make this stuff up. A job loss wouldn't phase me but a DUI, and knowing how many times one gets away with drinking and driving before getting 'unlucky', would have me running for the hills. First time, indeed. 1
KraftDinner Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 When I read the title, I planned to come here and say "of course! Lots of people lose jobs, it's not a character inditement." But, losing a job because of a DUI arrest? I'd lose the guy fast. That said, though, it looks like you think it's normal for a guy to drive drunk. Why would a responsible guy do that? I think you should move on. And watch out for danger signs in future prospects. Almost word-for-word what I was going to say. 1
mtnbiker Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 (edited) I never got a DUI, but I think some may be fooling themselves if they are saying they have never driven above the legal limit ever in their lives. Obviously, not everyone has, but many more people do than those that get DUI's. If this truly is out of character for him I would not end things. If you do not believe this is truly not the norm, then I would. If I was dating a woman who got one, but I truly believed it was not anywhere near the norm for her I would not end things. Edited October 17, 2012 by mtnbiker
xdahliax Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 A job loss wouldn't phase me but a DUI, and knowing how many times one gets away with drinking and driving before getting 'unlucky', would have me running for the hills. First time, indeed. This. I know many people that drive drunk at least once per week. Few of them have ever been pulled over. One person in particular is pretty much drunk 24/7 and drives hours on end for his job. Your guy is either really unlucky or he's a liar.
veggirl Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 It might be a dealbreaker, depends on the cirumstances. Okay, from your first thread when this happened, it doesn't sound like he was driving wasted and it doesn't sound like something that happens regularly, he had a couple drinks and drove (what did he blow?). Does he drink often? that would be a dealbreaker. What was his job? Is he skilled / educated in another area so that he will be able to find gainful employment again? Or is it such that his job was driving and now future possible employers will tell him "hell no" because of this? (that would be a dealbreaker).
oaks Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 Losing a job - not an issue so long as the person either has the means to support themselves, or is actively seeking work. The DUI thing... if he needs to drive to do whatever his job was then he's not just lost his job but his livelihood since he might struggle to get another 'driving' job in the near future. That's a more serious problem unless he has other employable skills or is prepared to retrain or do unskilled work. If he's now unable to get work and unable to support himself that sounds like a bigger issue than just losing his job. 1
Later82012 Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 I would check my own qualifications and worthiness before judging others. 1
pink_sugar Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 He was fired from his job cause he got arrested for DUI on his way to my house from his buddy's house. I feel bad but I'm not sure what situation I'm going in if I continue to date date him. Hes a nice guy and we get along well. Any advice? Thanks. This says a lot about what type of man he is. I definitely would not get serious or go further.
Later82012 Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 To the few that seem confused about her dilemma, she already okayed the guy as a person. I think the question is whether she should date him without his job or not. IMO Oaks and Veggirl gave the best all-round replies so far.
Author Immissme Posted October 17, 2012 Author Posted October 17, 2012 I'm not worried about his character. He's a good person. He hangs out and drinks with his friends on weekend, usually Friday night. Normally, he spends the night at his friends house after drinking. That Friday was the only time he drove buzzed. He was on his way to see me that night when he got pulled over. What I'm trying to figure out is what I'm getting myself into if I continue to date him. I like him and getting a DUI doesn't change the way I see him as a person.He just made a bad choice that night and he had a reason why he made that choice..my friends said the reasons might be because he really wanted to spend time with me and he really likes me. He has a degree in finance. His last job was a government job, working as one of the managers. I work in medical field and make decent money. I know that I would pay for most of the stuff when we go out since he lost his job and has no income. I may need to drive him around too since he is not allowed to drive. So there are a few things I have to consider if I want to continue to see him. Thats why Im asking for advice if that's a good or bad idea.
veggirl Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 I'm not worried about his character. He's a good person. He hangs out and drinks with his friends on weekend, usually Friday night. Normally, he spends the night at his friends house after drinking. That Friday was the only time he drove buzzed. He was on his way to see me that night when he got pulled over. What I'm trying to figure out is what I'm getting myself into if I continue to date him. I like him and getting a DUI doesn't change the way I see him as a person.He just made a bad choice that night and he had a reason why he made that choice..my friends said the reasons might be because he really wanted to spend time with me and he really likes me. He has a degree in finance. His last job was a government job, working as one of the managers. I work in medical field and make decent money. I know that I would pay for most of the stuff when we go out since he lost his job and has no income. I may need to drive him around too since he is not allowed to drive. So there are a few things I have to consider if I want to continue to see him. Thats why Im asking for advice if that's a good or bad idea. You guys have very recently started dating, I don't think it's appropriate for him to be relying on you for rides right now, and I don't think you should really be offering that so much. Does he think he'll be able to get a similar job? I was seeing a guy once who lost his job after a DUI (he was driving his work truck at the time) and I stopped seeing him because of it. He started having to apply for server jobs, I was just so turned off by how irresponsible he was in that situation. Your guys doesn't sound as bad as his though? I'm surprised that he was fired for that if his job does not directly involve driving--usually a first DUI is going to get down to a misdemeanor anyway.
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