femmefatale123 Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 My ex and I dated for around seven months. We spent a lot of time together and traveled together. Basically, he broke it off because he was hurt badly before by an ex-wife who cheated on him, and he’s been scared of relationships since then—until he met me, he said—at least early on. I thought I had broken through them because everything was great. Apparently, he’s still got defense mechanisms in place and split when we were getting closer. That was about two months ago, and he sent me a message, apologizing a month ago, saying he felt bad about what happened. No attempt at reconciliation. He got some things back to me that I left at his place. I have pretty much ignored him in that time and not initiated contact. I told him I wasn't going to chase him, and I haven't begged him to come back. Just over a week ago, on a Saturday night, he sent me a Facebook message, saying that he found some body spray in his bathroom and wanting to know if it was mine. (The only other person to whom it might belong would be his daughter who visits occasionally.) It's inexpensive and I’m pretty sure there wasn't much of it left. If I were him, I would have been tempted to discard it and not make contact. I replied on Facebook with a simple "Yes." He replied, saying he would get it to me. But then the next day, on Sunday, he turned around and sent me a text telling me he could leave it somewhere or I could pick it up. (He hasn't texted me in two months.) I texted back a few hours later, saying I didn't know anywhere to leave it, and I would just pick it up later in the week. He texted back "K." Four days later, on Thursday, he sent me another text, saying, “I going out of town for a few days at noon. You want me to leave the spray on the porch, or just get it later?” (I already knew from before our split that he was going to see his daughter this particular weekend.) I replied, saying, “I’m going out of town, too. I’ll get it later.” He texted back, “Have fun.” I replied, telling him to have fun, too, and tell his daughter “hello.” He said, “Will do.” I've been working on myself in the time we've been apart and have gotten asked out by about three different guys, one of whom I've gone out with, but I still have feelings for this man, and I’m not sure what he wants from me. My female friends say he’s not over me if he’s staying in contact, and he’s using the body spray to lure me back. They think I should ask him outright what he wants. One of our male friends who knows him agrees that he’s trying to lure me back with the friendly texts and the spray I left at his house, but he says to ignore him, and he will keep coming back. He said to tell him to discard the spray and make him go back to the drawing board to try to get me to come over. This friend says even if he does want me back, he won’t come out and say it directly. He said he wouldn’t, and many men wouldn’t, even if they wanted a second chance. We’re both adults, and I this feels like game-playing. However, this guy’s really shy and can be insecure sometimes. We were SO compatible and have so much in common, a point he brought up when he broke up with me. I would be willing to give him a second chance if he really wants one--with some stipulations about future behavior--but how do I approach him without scaring him away?
WhatYouWantToHear Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 Scare him away? How do you scare someone away who's not there? You have nothing to lose, lay your cards on the table, tell him exactly what you said in your post: We were SO compatible and have so much in common, a point he brought up when he broke up with me. I would be willing to give him a second chance if he really wants one--with some stipulations about future behavior Say that to him.
moviegurl Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 By the way, we've remained Facebook friends. He has either "liked" or commented on one or more of my posts daily for the past couple of weeks. Mostly, I just share fun stuff or something thought-provoking. He "liked" and commented on a lot of my stuff before we started dating and a good bit while we were dating. Now it's daily, several times a day. This weekend, while he was on the trip to see his daughter, I went to a party and wore a sassy little red dress. I posted some pics on Facebook. Today at 2 p.m., he "liked" the album. Later, around 5 p.m. he commented on it with a single word: "Ouch." Flirting now?
Quest4_TheLost Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 Well I have been in a on and off relationship that is currently off. He txted me out of the blue after NC for a while that I had left my bra at his house and asked if I was still mad at him. I replied that I wasnt mad just hurt (I was still kinda mad though) I told him to keep the bra and he says (FINE! I will burn it then. Are you happy now!??!) ROLMFAO I just said ok then and laughed. We recconnected about a wk later and no he didn't burn the bra. Men can be really immature. But I totally get where your comming from where somtimes men just can't come right out and try to get you back directly. I would agree that he is probably trying to reach out. I know alot of people are going to say don't play games tell him what you want yadda yadda. Somtimes people are not that simple and are scared to come out and say exactly what they want or feel especially if they still might be confused. I say play the game... Go pick it up be happy, cheerful. Ask how he has been but cut it short saying you have plans and have to run. He is eventually going to run out of items to give back to you lol. Go back to your NC or LC.. If he dosen't come right out and try to spend time with you then leave it.. People do play games its just life. I don't think these situations are hopeless but if the games continue definetly know when its time to cut your losses.
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