Doing No Contact With my Ex, Now He Is Blowing Up My Phone

[Sunshine77]

So. My exboyfriend broke up with me about a week ago. I begged and pleaded for him to come back to me...Even though I knew that I should be the one leaving him. Basically he is bummy. Still lives in his mother's basement. Still a sophomore in college at the age of 23. Has loser friends who hold him back even more. I spent most of the relationship trying to encourage him to better himself, and helping him do HIS homework. He "forgot" my birthday, valentines day, christmas, and never got me any presents. I spent over $800 worth on him of presents and I continued to be the best girlfriend I could be to him. Even though he NEVER took me out. NEVER drove to see me. I always had to drive to see him (45 minutes). He never gave me gas money. And when I would get to his house, we would just sit in his mother's basement. Finally. I spoke up about it. And after I spoke up. He dumped me. I thought he would try to change. But he just up and dumped me. We have been together for about 3 years now. I was not expecting that. We'd broken up before, but we'd always gotten back together like the next day.

 

I begged and pleaded for him to come back to me. But he was so COLD to me on the phone. "What do you want?" "No. I'm done with you." Oh my goodness. It hurt like hell. So after two days of begging. I decided to just let it go and move on. So I told him that I was not going to contact him during our time broken up, because I just needed my space and I didn't think it was healthy. We didn't contact each other for 3 days, then all of a sudden out of the blue, I get a text saying, "I miss you. I know that it was all my fault. I love you. I would be there for you through anything." So in my head... I'm thinking that we're getting back together. So I call him. He picks up. And I am talking and I tell him how I feel the same way about him. About how much I love him. And then he blurts out that he doesn't want me. And he gets all cold again. OMG. When I tell you that I was SHOCKED. You have no idea. So I cried. And cursed him out, because I really felt like he just tricked me. Like he just wanted to see if he could get me back, you know?

 

So after that I cursed him out, and didn't talk to him for about 2 days. Then I was just boiling with rage, and I called him and told him I wanted the money back that he has owed me for a couple of weeks. I went to his house to collect the money. As I was halfway back to my house, in the middle of the highway, I get a text from him telling me that he needs to see me, to be with me. So... I turn around. Come back to him. We're crying cuddling hugging. Here I am thinking.. We're gonna get back together. Then as we're in the middle of making out. He's like "I think we should stop. I don't want you to think this is something that it is not." AGAIN. A big BLOW to my heart. So at that point. I'd had enough. I got up. Put on my shoes, and grabbed my purse. He struggled with me for literally 10 minutes, trying to keep me from leaving. I didn't care how late it was. I LEFT. I got back to my place and I left him a voicemail telling him I love him, and I wish him the best, and I am tired of trying to fight for him because getting rejected hurts too much, so he can be free.

 

I left him that message on Saturday night. Since Saturday night he has been RINGING MY PHONE NON STOP! I mean 40 times a day! ALL HOURS OF THE NIGHT. Now he is sending texts like "I NEED TO TALK TO YOU" ...I honestly just feel like it's another trap. What do you all think I should do? My goal was to go 30 days of no contact.. And I honestly feel that if he wants to get back with me, he'll up and say it...Right? Through a text or a voicemail. I feel like he is just being selfish, wants to keep me in his reach until he figures out what he really wants.

Edited October 16, 2012 by Sunshine77

[River Rain]

My ex did something similar, minus the stalker-ish behaviour of 40 calls a day. I fell for it three times and got very hurt. I basically changed my phone numbers and blocked his email address. I also deleted his contact information so as not to tempt myself into contacting him. You listed so many reasons why you were unhappy with the relationship, go re-read your own words. There's more negative than positive according to what you wrote.

 

Even if he does eventually say the words that he wants you back, can you trust him after all that? I think you would be much better off moving on. Hope my opinion helps.

[Balzac]

"Even though I knew that I should be the one leaving him. Basically he is bummy"

 

Move onto the NEXT guy. Your relationship was toxic and apparently thrive on drama. Grow up and get a new phone number.

[geegirl]

I'm so baffled. He's not holding you back until he knows what he wants! This is who he is. Period. He has no ability to manage his own life and you think he can manage a relationship? This is your ex. Lacking emotional and mental maturity.

 

You ask if he is selfish? He has exhibited selfishness all through your relationship. Didn't even give you a fart in a box for all those special days of the year while you were showering him with gifts trying to win his love. Are you kidding me or are you just so oblivious and lost in lalaland. You'd literally settle for nothing and make it into something because you have to justify being with someone.

 

Yes, you should call him and talk to him. Then you should go to his house and spew words of love to each other. Then when he tells you that he can't do this, for the 246th time, you should put your shoes back on, grab your purse and run home crying.

 

Then when he contacts you again and tells you he misses you and wants you back after 5 days, you should run again to his mother's basement and spew words of love. Then he will tell you again that he can't do it and you will run away once again, tell him you love him and that he needs to pay you back for the burger you bought him for lunch and then go back to counting the days for when he's going to want you back again.

 

Wake up. This man put ZERO effort into maintaining you and the relationship. You did everything for him. He did ZERO. What is s great about this man that you keep wanting to bust your balls to please him? He disrespectfully lets you go, then whines and then pisses on you and then whines and there you go, dashing to him like you've just won a prize.

 

Waiting for the next time to de different? It won't because you've enable his behavior and he knows he can treat you like a rag doll. This man gives you nothing and yet you keep going back like an addict.

 

There is a reason you called him a bummer. Unless you like taking care or bummers and being disrespected by them, I'd say you should aim higher.

[Quest4_TheLost]

He is acting like he is 16.. With this come here go away $hit..

Many people will say not to play games with people and if you do then your childish etc. Unfortunatly dating and relationships often begin or lead up to those games.

 

Everyone has their flaws I'm not going to say he sounds like a bad guy for living with his parents while going to school. But I would definetly stop being the chick wrapped around his lil finger. All those things you have mentioned are things he can change. Like coming to see you instead of you seeing him.

Stop spending money on him. MAKE him put in more of an effort. If he dosen't then I would definetly just leave this guy in his cold basement to rot.

 

As of now yes ignore him completley. You have told him you loved him he knows you want to be with him. Now you tell him your not playing his games anymore. I would ignore him completley for atleast 2 weeks.

At that time if he still wants to talk.. MAKE HIM COME TO YOU!

Tell him if you want to talk he knows where you live. He does know where you live right? lol If he can't atleast make that move I wouldn't waste another second on him. If you do get to talk and he again plays this bs game with you. Drop him.. Maybe he needs a few months to get his head strait or its time for you to get your head out of the clouds and find a guy that deserves you. I promise they're out there. So don't sell yourself short!

 

[lil hoodlum]

He is acting like he is 16.. With this come here go away $hit..

Many people will say not to play games with people and if you do then your childish etc. Unfortunatly dating and relationships often begin or lead up to those games.

 

Everyone has their flaws I'm not going to say he sounds like a bad guy for living with his parents while going to school. But I would definetly stop being the chick wrapped around his lil finger. All those things you have mentioned are things he can change. Like coming to see you instead of you seeing him.

Stop spending money on him. MAKE him put in more of an effort. If he dosen't then I would definetly just leave this guy in his cold basement to rot.

 

As of now yes ignore him completley. You have told him you loved him he knows you want to be with him. Now you tell him your not playing his games anymore. I would ignore him completley for atleast 2 weeks.

At that time if he still wants to talk.. MAKE HIM COME TO YOU!

Tell him if you want to talk he knows where you live. He does know where you live right? lol If he can't atleast make that move I wouldn't waste another second on him. If you do get to talk and he again plays this bs game with you. Drop him.. Maybe he needs a few months to get his head strait or its time for you to get your head out of the clouds and find a guy that deserves you. I promise they're out there. So don't sell yourself short!

 

 

 

Excellent advice as well as what geegirl said.

 

Listen, for future reference, you shouldn't be the only one contributing to a relationship. He hasn't invested very much into the relationship so it doesn't mean as much to him. You, on the other hand, have invested so much into the relationship. That is why you are willing to keep going back. To get your "reward" so to speak.

 

If he had any real intention of changing his ways, a good first step would be to get in a car or walk to where you live and speak to you. His time for empty words are over. He needs to but his mouth to where his wallet is.

 

Please stay strong. You are worth so much more deserving than this kind of treatment from this fella.