Ninja'sHusband Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 You can't win. I got blasted for trying to trust my wife, you get blasted for not trusting yours. *sigh* There's just a lot of angry people on these forums (and I'm one of them lol)
whichwayisup Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 You can't win. I got blasted for trying to trust my wife, you get blasted for not trusting yours. *sigh* There's just a lot of angry people on these forums (and I'm one of them lol) I've known Wogs for a long time and know his back history. He's been through a lot of bad stuff and knows that looking at those kind of links and searching the net on subjects that set him off isn't a good thing. It just feds his fears and worries. In all honesty, his wife truly has NOT given him any reason to be doubtful. His trust issues are all his, none of it is his wife's doing. 1
Author Woggle Posted October 17, 2012 Author Posted October 17, 2012 You can't win. I got blasted for trying to trust my wife, you get blasted for not trusting yours. *sigh* There's just a lot of angry people on these forums (and I'm one of them lol) Who blasted you for trusting your wife? The same thing happened to me after my divorce. I was called sexist for just assuming a woman would be faithful but when I express doubts about women on here I am also wrong. A man just can't win no matter what. For the record I trust my wife but I admit stuff like this really makes me question things sometimes.
Untouchable_Fire Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 Who blasted you for trusting your wife? The same thing happened to me after my divorce. I was called sexist for just assuming a woman would be faithful but when I express doubts about women on here I am also wrong. A man just can't win no matter what. For the record I trust my wife but I admit stuff like this really makes me question things sometimes. But this isn't about your wife. Every time you go down this rabbit hole, you are giving more power to the women who hurt you. Cut them off. Some wounds are so deep it's incredibly tough to heal. I've been there... I get it. You need to keep working at healing. 2
road Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 I don't dismiss the negative experiences of women but the fact is that they get more empathy and are given much more leeway on this board than men who vent. Men can't say anything on here without somebody getting bent out of shape and calling us misogynists. I sometimes both genders who have been through stuff would find common ground but good luck getting some women not to see all men as the enemy. To any woman on here if what I say does not apply to you then don't take it personally because I am not talking about you and I am sure most men here aren't either. We go through things and deal with relationship drama just like women do and we have a right to vent on a relationship board. I don't wallow in hatred but I don't see why I should shut up about gender issues. Time to Man up.
Owl Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 You can't win. I got blasted for trying to trust my wife, you get blasted for not trusting yours. *sigh* There's just a lot of angry people on these forums (and I'm one of them lol) NH...you know well I'm not one of those "angry people on these forums". I'm not angry with Woggle either. I just think he needs to seek out some counseling. As others have said, his threads, his comments...his ACTIONS in deliberately reading this article and then posting it here with the deliberate intention of creating the 'fight' here...all point out to me that he's a scarred man, in need of some professional help. He is unable/unwilling to change his actions and behaviors on his own, and even refuses to see that he can. No anger, no hate in my post. Simple observation and desire that he get the help he needs. 1
Owl Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 What did reading it SOLVE for you? And this solves your problems how? Actually, your answer was basically ignoring all of the questions I'd asked. What are you doing to help yourself deal with everything? You can't change the world, you can't change others...all you can do is change how you react to them. I wanted to add...what does actively seeking this out and focusing on it do? I get that ignoring it doesn't make it go away...but focusing on it is making what positive outcome for you? What are you changing? Woggle...still truly interested in your answers here. Maybe this was missed in the shuffle?
Spark1111 Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 I've known Wogs for a long time and know his back history. He's been through a lot of bad stuff and knows that looking at those kind of links and searching the net on subjects that set him off isn't a good thing. It just feds his fears and worries. In all honesty, his wife truly has NOT given him any reason to be doubtful. His trust issues are all his, none of it is his wife's doing. Then I feel REALLY sorry for his wife. If today he has a woman who loves him and trusts him, she must be exhausted from constantly trying to prop him up and reassure him she will NOT screw him over. Woggle, your fear is sapping a lot of joy out of your life, your marriage and your wife and your confidence to trust true friendship and intimacy. Put those demons to rest for good and live strong and happy. Stop worrying about what isn't and what could be tomorrow. 1
Author Woggle Posted October 17, 2012 Author Posted October 17, 2012 I know what people say is right but when I read stuff like this it just puts me in a mood. Sadly it is a common view these days.
Pyro Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 I know what people say is right but when I read stuff like this it just puts me in a mood. Sadly it is a common view these days. Stop reading it then. Why is it so hard to not read it? 2
Author Woggle Posted October 17, 2012 Author Posted October 17, 2012 Stop reading it then. Why is it so hard to not read it? Because even if I don't read it still doesn't change the fact that it seems to me though I admit I might be wrong that most women feel this way. I also wonder if maybe they are right. Maybe my wife is a stepford wife who is a handmaiden to the patriarchy like my mother says and maybe I just need to take it when women abuse me because it is women's time to rule. Would people be happy if I started thinking that way instead of having some pride and self respect for once in my life?
Pyro Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 Because even if I don't read it still doesn't change the fact that it seems to me though I admit I might be wrong that most women feel this way. I also wonder if maybe they are right. Maybe my wife is a stepford wife who is a handmaiden to the patriarchy like my mother says and maybe I just need to take it when women abuse me because it is women's time to rule. Would people be happy if I started thinking that way instead of having some pride and self respect for once in my life? It only seems that way to you after you read one of those articles. Do you act this way just to get attention on here? I can't think of any other reason why you purposely read shyt that sets you off and ruins your day and the same shyt that will eventually cause your nervous breakdown which will cause your wife to leave you. We tell you over and over and over and over and over that they are wrong but you don't listen. From now on lets just tell you that they are right so that you will stop asking the same things over and over and over and over. You live on the Jersey shore though with a bunch of guidos so it makes sense why you think that way. (Generalizing sucks doesn't it?)
Author Woggle Posted October 17, 2012 Author Posted October 17, 2012 I don't do it for attention. I just let it build inside me and then I need reassurance that the opposite sex is not really like this.
Pyro Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 I don't do it for attention. I just let it build inside me and then I need reassurance that the opposite sex is not really like this. You only need that reassurance after you have read that garbage.
angie2443 Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 I don't know how to say this so I hope it doesn't sound really off base. It feels to me like you give more power to the women out there who aren't decent people, while you give less to the good women out there who are decent people. Plenty of good women here have given up their time and energy to help you over come this fear you have that all women are evil. Give more energy (thought, respect, etc.)to these women, and the other ones will become less signifigant to you. After time, you may understand that there are at least as many good people, men and women, as there are bad. Maybe there's even more. When you get to that point, you might be to be able to read an article about women gone bad, shake your head, and then move on without giving it much more thought.
Owl Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 I don't do it for attention. I just let it build inside me and then I need reassurance that the opposite sex is not really like this. Then you need to seek out counseling. Because you're the one doing this to yourself...this isn't anything that anyone else is doing. This isn't on the women around you...this is entirely and totally about how you feel about them...and in reality has nothing to do with what they're really like. Seriously...get help.
Author Woggle Posted October 18, 2012 Author Posted October 18, 2012 Then you need to seek out counseling. Because you're the one doing this to yourself...this isn't anything that anyone else is doing. This isn't on the women around you...this is entirely and totally about how you feel about them...and in reality has nothing to do with what they're really like. Seriously...get help. I am already in counseling and I do good for a while and then I hit a wall like this. I just feel sometimes that if I don't fight the war against misandry constantly I will be caught be surprise.
Owl Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 I am already in counseling and I do good for a while and then I hit a wall like this. I just feel sometimes that if I don't fight the war against misandry constantly I will be caught be surprise. You're not fighting a war against anything. You're just reinforcing your own fears, projecting them into everything/everyone around you, and basically derailing any forward progress you might be making with therapy. Stop trying to be a martyr for a cause that doesn't need your help. Listen to your therapist, and the advice you've been given over and by folks here on LS.
silicone Posted October 20, 2012 Posted October 20, 2012 Anything that comes out of the HP these days seems like utter tosh, but the problem is that some of it is true.
Steadfast Posted October 21, 2012 Posted October 21, 2012 Not only have men and women been at odds forever (it seems) but people in general. Those participating usually have an agenda to control, influence or justify for self-serving reasons. It's not enough that they believe a certain way, they want you to feel that way too. If you don't, you're judging. There is no avoiding it; to make a stand one must use judgement. I once met a colleague for breakfast who, filled with thought and emotion, systematically laid out her plan to screw over her husband who wanted to financially help his elderly parents. She didn't, and her actions would make sure that no one would be left standing in the end. She was surprised and angry when I expressed my opinion on the subject, but it didn't stop her. The point? All we control is ourselves. All we can do is hope to positively influence with our actions. The frustration we feel towards wrongdoing is wasted if we try to control something -anything- that's beyond our control. Our best course, in my opinion, is to make sure personal motivation is pure and without selfish agenda. People are people. Some are part of the solution, others are part of the problem. Which side will you choose? 3
strongnrelaxed Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Good post Woggle. Let me say at the outset that cheating is wrong. If you promise fidelity, then you should deliver it. I just think that promising such a thing in one's twenties for an entire lifetime leads to what we see in modern society. Lifelong Monogamy is not natural in humans or in most primate species. It just doesn't happen in practice on a large scale, at least without some very strong cultural or legal enforcement. Hence the article. I have heard many statistics on cheating that run the gamut from small numbers to numbers that make it sound that pretty much everyone cheats. While I think the numbers are telling, the bigger issue to me is this - what kind of society do we want to have? How do we ensure that families stay in tact and healthy? How do we help people stay faithful when that is their intention and to avoid temptation (hint, the existing methods are failing) We are also finding out that women cheat roughly as often as men, they just do not admit it - even in anonymous surveys. I will try to dig up where I read this. This is not a judgment. That is boring and a waste of time. Facts and data are more interesting to me than aspersions and fears. Women are just about ruling the US these days, so you will see more of this. These things go in cycles, so if you read up on history, you will be able to predict where this will all go. It is just a matter of when.
strongnrelaxed Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Our best course, in my opinion, is to make sure personal motivation is pure and without selfish agenda. People are people. Some are part of the solution, others are part of the problem. Which side will you choose? Wow. I agree with just about everything you said Steadfast. Well put. While I agree that we should TRY to be less selfish, every human on the planet is selfish by nature. We are born competitive and we are very selfish. In fact your first words attest to this! This may be the very essence of life - how do we fulfill our own needs and wants, while being mindful of the people around us? Buddhists would provide you with one answer, Protestant Christians another. Ultimately we are left to our own intrinsic sense of goodness. A major problem with this is that we pervert that inner goodness with bizarre societal norms, cults, etc.
SteveC80 Posted October 31, 2012 Posted October 31, 2012 It's funny how these women claim "it doesn't matter what society thinks" when it comes to getting their side dick, yet it DOES matter what society thinks when it comes to getting married in the first damn place.....or trying to stay married after cheating, and maintaining their image as a wife, mother and family woman.
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