SheLeftMe Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 So tomorrow is my ex-fiances birthday. We were together for 6 years and engaged for only 3 months. We have been broken up for a little over a month now. When she broke up with me, she said that she still loves me so much but that she needs to figure out her life and she doesn't want to cut me out of her life...(seems like GIGS). I begged for a few days but after that I just kept to myself. We haven't really spoken in the last month besides what to do with the bills and everything in the house. I know I'm going to call her tomorrow to wish her a happy birthday so you won't be talking me out of that. But, do i just keep the conversation short? Wish her a happy birthday and leave it at that? Or do i ask her how shes been doing and test the waters a little bit? I've been doing a lot better since she left me, but deep down i know nothing would make me happier than for her to be in my life again. Thanks for your replies.
mammasita Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 I would keep it short - go into it with a plan that you'll only say Happy Birthday and I hope you are doing well. If she wants to talk more, then I'm sure she will keep you on the line longer.
flitzanu Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 So tomorrow is my ex-fiances birthday. We were together for 6 years and engaged for only 3 months. We have been broken up for a little over a month now. When she broke up with me, she said that she still loves me so much but that she needs to figure out her life and she doesn't want to cut me out of her life...(seems like GIGS). I begged for a few days but after that I just kept to myself. We haven't really spoken in the last month besides what to do with the bills and everything in the house. I know I'm going to call her tomorrow to wish her a happy birthday so you won't be talking me out of that. But, do i just keep the conversation short? Wish her a happy birthday and leave it at that? Or do i ask her how shes been doing and test the waters a little bit? I've been doing a lot better since she left me, but deep down i know nothing would make me happier than for her to be in my life again. Thanks for your replies. horrible idea. she isn't speaking to you, and you wishing her a happy bday isn't going to change any of that. it will also show that you're sitting around thinking about her and remembering dates like that. 3
Author SheLeftMe Posted October 16, 2012 Author Posted October 16, 2012 How do you not remember the date of their birthday when you've been in love with the person for 6 years? Its not possible. She'll know I'm just trying to make a point and see right through it.
flitzanu Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 How do you not remember the date of their birthday when you've been in love with the person for 6 years? Its not possible. She'll know I'm just trying to make a point and see right through it. that's not the point. of course you'll remember. why are you going to show her that you still care when she isn't making any attempt to reconcile? 3
Floored Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 It's her birthday, I don't think there's a problem with a short, cordial wishing of happiness on it. I'm all about NC, but when my ex's birthday comes, I will wish her a happy one, regardless of where we stand. To avoid talking to her altogether for the sake of pride on her birthday would be almost malicious. And it would be more work and keep her more in your mind if you sat all day wondering if you should than if you just did it. Pick a time, call her, write a short script and keep to it; if she doesn't answer, just leave a voicemail, done.
flitzanu Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 It's her birthday, I don't think there's a problem with a short, cordial wishing of happiness on it. I'm all about NC, but when my ex's birthday comes, I will wish her a happy one, regardless of where we stand. To avoid talking to her altogether for the sake of pride on her birthday would be almost malicious. And it would be more work and keep her more in your mind if you sat all day wondering if you should than if you just did it. Pick a time, call her, write a short script and keep to it; if she doesn't answer, just leave a voicemail, done. it would be malicious to NOT wish someone happy birthday, a person who chose to reject you from their life? more like it's validating that you're still crawling back for attention and allowing them to feel you'll still be begging at their feet regardless of what they've done to you. 2
Avulare Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 I agree, wishing her a happy birthday is a bad idea that will only make the OP look needy and insecure. If she really wanted the OP to tell her "happy birthday", she wouldn't have broken off the engagement and dumped him after six years right before her birthday.
Author SheLeftMe Posted October 16, 2012 Author Posted October 16, 2012 She hasn't rejected me from her life. I just think she can't face the guilt about what she did to me. I talked to her sister a couple weeks ago (she's basically my ex's mom, 10 years older, lived with her all in high school) and she stated that my ex told her she didn't want me out of her life and that she still loves me. I know i could be setting myself up for withdrawal after i hear her voice, but it's a chance i'm willing to take. I believe if you want something bad enough, you have to fight for it. I really don't see the point in not wishing her a happy birthday. It lets her know that i still care and i also come out looking like the bigger person. win-win.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 Say nothing. You are already looking to use it as an angle to get back in and when it doesn't work, you are going to be despondent. I did this when my ex had her birthday a few weeks back. I figured I'd text her and if she responded, I'd parlay that into buying her a drink at whatever birthday celebration she had planned. I texted, she responded "Hey thanks!", I asked what she had planned in celebration, got no response and it put me back in a bad place. I guarantee that it will not go your way and I guarantee you she won't care either way whether or not you wish her a happy birthday. 1
Own Worst Enemy Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 You will say far more if you say nothing. If she wants you back, that isn't going to change because you don't wish her happy birthday. And if she doesn't... Well.... That isn't going to change because you don't wish her happy birthday. All you will really be saying in the subtext is "I'm still thinking about you". 2
TopCat22 Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 I think you should wish her a happy birthday. No matter what happened you can still be civil. NC is great but I think it just looks petty to not say anything to her. Just don't use it as a way to get talking to her again.
Tree_Salmon Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 I'm sure she'll get your happy birthday text right when shes about to go blow her new man. Imagine how special she'll feel when she knows you're still hanging on her all the time and is spending the rest of the night pleasing someone new. This is as harsh a reality as I can paint for you because THIS is what happens. And if I was in her shoes I would probably think the same thing. You would too. Don't worry about messages and being polite. That sh*t is over now. 6
ParadeRain Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 I know I'm going to call her tomorrow to wish her a happy birthday so you won't be talking me out of that. Just make sure you don't interrupt her birthday sex... 3
cypher32 Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 Every girl want's to feel special on her B-Day send a card then you don't have to break NC if it arrives a day or two late who cares, it will give her a day or two to stew about what an ass you are then when it arrives she'll feel guilty.
flitzanu Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 She hasn't rejected me from her life. so she didn't DUMP YOU?
Author SheLeftMe Posted October 17, 2012 Author Posted October 17, 2012 I would send her a card, but im not exactly sure where i would send it to. She has been living with 2 different mutual friends (both engaged couples) and i don't even know either of their addresses anyway. I'm just gonna give her a call tomorrow, wish her a great day, and be done with it. If she wants to start a conversation, ill cross that road when i come to it. One last thing, why are 95% of the people always so bitter on here? People are looking for a way to feel better and it seems people on this forum just try and crush any once of dignity you have left. I'm looking for advice, not to be criticized for doing something i believe is right.
Avulare Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 One last thing, why are 95% of the people always so bitter on here? People are looking for a way to feel better and it seems people on this forum just try and crush any once of dignity you have left. I'm looking for advice, not to be criticized for doing something i believe is right. Actually, most people on here are advising you to preserve your dignity, by recommending that you forgo sending birthday wishes to the would-be wife who kicked you to the curb. The majority of people here are speaking from experience... Doing that kind of stuff will only prolong the pain and prevent you from moving on. 3
skydiveaddict Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 So tomorrow is my ex-fiances birthday. We were together for 6 years and engaged for only 3 months. We have been broken up for a little over a month now. Ugh. This must be awful for you
Calico Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 One last thing, why are 95% of the people always so bitter on here? People are looking for a way to feel better and it seems people on this forum just try and crush any once of dignity you have left. I'm looking for advice, not to be criticized for doing something i believe is right. No, you weren't looking for advice. You already knew what the only sensible advice is: Not calling her. You ruled that out in your original post, and flatly stated that we won't be talking you out of this. When I read this, I thought, "So, what does he want?". See, it doesn't matter one bit if you have a short, somewhat short, medium short, not so short or longer than short conversation with her. What matters is that you'd call her after she's shown zero interest in you or a relationship with you. I don't blame you for wanting to call her, and if that's what you want to do, then do it. But you're kidding yourself if you believe that "how" you handle the call is of any significance if the significant part is that you call her in the first place. So from here, the question is like asking, "Shall I take this cyanide pill with coffee or do you think tea might be better?" It doesn't make a difference. The result will be the same, whatever it is. 4
Sugarkane Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 Why is it rude NOT to wish them a happy birthday? I mean it was pretty rude when my ex dumped me by text after a year. So why should we be bending over backwards for them? My ex hasn't wished me a happy birthday, not even once. Why the hell should be nice? I got crapped on and dumped cruelly. People on here are giving you this advice because a lot know what's going to happen after you do it. 2
Tree_Salmon Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 I would send her a card, but im not exactly sure where i would send it to. She has been living with 2 different mutual friends (both engaged couples) and i don't even know either of their addresses anyway. I'm just gonna give her a call tomorrow, wish her a great day, and be done with it. If she wants to start a conversation, ill cross that road when i come to it. One last thing, why are 95% of the people always so bitter on here? People are looking for a way to feel better and it seems people on this forum just try and crush any once of dignity you have left. I'm looking for advice, not to be criticized for doing something i believe is right. Stop being mesmerized by memories of vagina and take some advice. We've all been there. And, like Gibson said, you wont believe it till you see it. I believed the same sh*t about a girl a very very long time ago and i learned very quickly that they don't give a crap about you once they dump you/leave you/ break you/etc. I have tons of female friends who do the same and then laugh about it with me. Stop fooling yourself into thinking her vagina was the most beautiful perfect one on the planet. Because it's not. She has 4 guys on the side for sure. And if she hasn't already rode one behind your back, she is definitely doing it for her birthday. Probably right when she gets your happy birthday wish. This has nothing to do with being "bitter", this is REALITY. I know because I've seen it happen many a time and not just to me. In fact, I did the same when I dumped an old ex. I appreciated her wishing me a happy birthday right as I was grabbing my new girlfriends ass. We're all human and capable of doing what we want. Pick yourself up and let this girl go. I doubt you'll be convinced until you see her naked next to another man. But you can do what you want to do. if sending this birthday greeting helps you move on or feel better then do it. But don't expect it to magically make her love you and want a relationship. 1
Sugarkane Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 Sure you can do it but don't complain If you don't get an answer or get told to stop contacting her. Or even laughed at. Good luck
Author SheLeftMe Posted October 18, 2012 Author Posted October 18, 2012 Made the call....she answered the phone and it was just a quick one minute conversation. No painful feelings came from it. Just a nice friendly chat, her asking how ive been, me hoping she's doing well, and that was the end of it. To be honest it felt like a lot of weight was lifted off my shoulders. I'm sure i would have regretted it if i didn't do it. I appreciate everyones advice on here i really do. We have all been in this position either right now or in the past. I know exactly how your feeling and it hurts like hell. But there is no reason to give out low blows and chippy remarks because thats how your own story ended. Have some respect.
Ramzk001 Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 It would your big mistake, They actually dump you because they want nothing from you, they lose their interest and find interest somewhere else. She probably doesnt want anything from you and you still want to wish her on her bday, It means you are pushing yourself because you still have expectation from the dumper. Expecting reply, communication. She might or might not reply you but wouldnt continue for long. Then you'd feel even more bad. Nothing will change her until she'll realize that you were too good for her, until she come back begging for you. Don't message her if you want to keep your dignity. Just an advice, because in the past i did same mistake and suffered the consequences. Final decision will be yours
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