LoveHurts88 Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 So yesterday was my 31 day of NC. She broke up with me long story short. She messaged me yesterday telling me that she would pay the statements with her bank and that i wouldnt need to drop off statements. Legitimate message so i replied. Funny thing was i had a feeling she would msg me yesterday and yesterday was the day i decided to give her something back since our b/u of 2 months. I find that weird... We talked on IMS for a bit and have stopped now. I dont know how she feels i didnt ask.. I love her and want her back but i dont know how she feels or what shes thinking.. If her feelings arent there i would like to start NC again and just forget about her for good
flitzanu Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 So yesterday was my 31 day of NC. She broke up with me long story short. She messaged me yesterday telling me that she would pay the statements with her bank and that i wouldnt need to drop off statements. Legitimate message so i replied. Funny thing was i had a feeling she would msg me yesterday and yesterday was the day i decided to give her something back since our b/u of 2 months. I find that weird... We talked on IMS for a bit and have stopped now. I dont know how she feels i didnt ask.. I love her and want her back but i dont know how she feels or what shes thinking.. If her feelings arent there i would like to start NC again and just forget about her for good still reading between the lines here. and now you've broken NC and will be starting fresh again. 30 days is at least something to be proud of though. 1
Author LoveHurts88 Posted October 16, 2012 Author Posted October 16, 2012 I myself am not sure whats going on. I think about her everyday. Should i just leave it as is? Start NC again? What if she msgs me again?
flitzanu Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 I myself am not sure whats going on. I think about her everyday. Should i just leave it as is? Start NC again? What if she msgs me again? she didn't talk to you, she said someething about bills, and payment, right? that's not "talking to you". you mistakenly PUSHED the convo past the original intent. it has been 30 days and she's not talking to you, that should speak pretty clearly to you right?
Author LoveHurts88 Posted October 16, 2012 Author Posted October 16, 2012 she didn't talk to you, she said someething about bills, and payment, right? that's not "talking to you". you mistakenly PUSHED the convo past the original intent. it has been 30 days and she's not talking to you, that should speak pretty clearly to you right? Actually after she told me shes going thru to the bank i said okay thanks... She then started the convo "hows work?" I initiated nc not her before and well i guess she stuck with it?
Simon Phoenix Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 Actually after she told me shes going thru to the bank i said okay thanks... She then started the convo "hows work?" I initiated nc not her before and well i guess she stuck with it? She was making small talk to be polite. Nothing more, nothing less.
Author LoveHurts88 Posted October 16, 2012 Author Posted October 16, 2012 =[ fair enough. Go Nc again?
Simon Phoenix Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 =[ fair enough. Go Nc again? Yes. When one is reading into everything the way you are, NC is the way to go. 1
Calico Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 Actually, you might as well just ask her, then you won't be wondering so much. Just say, "Do you think we have a chance to get back together?" She'll either say yes, no or give you a "not right now" answer, which is also a no. NC will be easier when you get the no. You'll feel worse for a bit, but the clarity should help in the long run.
Tree_Salmon Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 Actually, you might as well just ask her, then you won't be wondering so much. Just say, "Do you think we have a chance to get back together?" She'll either say yes, no or give you a "not right now" answer, which is also a no. NC will be easier when you get the no. You'll feel worse for a bit, but the clarity should help in the long run. For once, I have to disagree with you. Don't show her any of your intentions. She clearly doesn't want to talk to you about it and will probably see you as needy or some other dumb sh*t as a result. Keep it close to your chest till the time is right. If it ever becomes right. Just play it cool and let her ask all the real questions. Why are you so eager to get back someone who you broke up with? Give it some time and maybe she will either come back as a better person (highly unlikely) or you'll move on. Playing these head games with yourself only keeps you stuck in the same rut. Trust me, we've all been there.
Calico Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 I suggested that to him because he's stuck wondering whether she wants him back, and he wants her back still (bad condition for using NC efficiently). That is pretty strong emotional glue there. Since he just broke NC, he may as well get that out of the way and get the clarity he needs. It's obvious to you and I that she doesn't have interest, but it's not so clear to him. Getting that clarity will help him to move on -- instead of breaking NC in a few weeks or months when the wondering gets too strong, or worse, waiting. It's not what I normally recommend, but I see little harm in this case. The answer is predictable, but he'd benefit from hearing it from her. 1
Author LoveHurts88 Posted October 16, 2012 Author Posted October 16, 2012 Well she msged me just now.. Tbh i know her quite well, can read her like a book.. Her status on whatsapp is "lost" I have a feeling she misses us but doesnt want to be with me.. Hell she probably has another person.. And as of now im not gonna ask just going to leave it. Whatever happens happens. I want to know but i believe shes gonna stick with her decision. Shes stubborn i dont feel like i should b the one who should hve to ask her since she brokeup with me.
Calico Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 Stop having feelings, wondering and trying to guess what she thinks. ASK her. At this point, you have got nothing to lose (a little bit of extra pain is a cheap price for the clarity you'l gain).
Author LoveHurts88 Posted October 16, 2012 Author Posted October 16, 2012 Knowing her asking her might even push her away furthur. Even if it was a yes, me asking might turn that to a no. I am not gonna lie i think about her everyday but NC has helped
Calico Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 I'm trying to think of a nice way to tell you that you're hopeless, and I fail. I mean this in a loving way, really. But your way of thinking right now really sucks. You completely refuse the possibility that she does not want you. You won't ask her because if she says "no", you'll think it really meant "yes" and your asking ruined it. What if "no" would really mean "no"? What would it take for you to accept that she's not interested, and that she's done? Everything she has been doing, or not doing, screams "NO INTEREST", but you don't want to acknowledge that. Asking her is the only way to get a straight answer if all those "signs" aren't clear enough for you, but you have already made up a ridiculous reason why her "no" would not really mean "no" even if you did ask. Do you see what you're doing to yourself here? You put yourself in a situation where you will be endlessly hoping, wondering and hurting. Have you had such masochistic traits before in your life or is this the first time where you do this? You are so convinced that she is just "stubborn" and that she really wants and loves you, but for some reason cannot or will not admit that. From everything you have posted here, there is nothing -- nothing at all -- that indicates that this is likely to be the case. There is nothing wrong with thinking of her every day. I do that, too. We all do. Bt there is a LOT wrong with wondering and "having feelings" and second guessing instead of simply asking her and then believing the answer and acting based on it. This isn't about her. I care about you and your well-being here. It's painful to see what you are doing to yourself. You deserve to feel so much better than you do. 1
Author LoveHurts88 Posted October 16, 2012 Author Posted October 16, 2012 Thanks man appreciated. No ive never been like this before. I will accept the fact that we are done. No looking back. Its true ive always had hope she would b coming back but i know its just hope. Thanks again man well said
Author LoveHurts88 Posted October 17, 2012 Author Posted October 17, 2012 I finally asked her. I just had to to get moving. I asked her if we were only going to be friends... She answered i dont mind if you can. I got my answer and its good to know. I had nothing to lose. Now thats out of the way NC will begin again i guess day 1 starts tomorrow. I told her not now maybe later on we can be friends
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