AsItIs Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 I'm pretty sure I already know the answer to this... BY LOVING YOURSELF But honestly, I find it hard to not really get into a guy, that I'm very interested in. Granted...this does not happen alot because, as I stated in an earlier post, I'm extremely picky & only find about 1% of the male poplulation attractive in the first place. I've dated men out of boredom & loneliness, that I knew instantly, I couldn't see myself with long term so, I had an "I don't give a f*ck" attitude about them, and they couldn't get enough of me! The guys that I've been totally into...eventually lose interest. How do you strike a balance here? Seems like true love never lasts for a lifetime
Imajerk17 Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 (edited) I'm pretty sure I already know the answer to this... BY LOVING YOURSELF I might have a lot of people disagree with me here. You know what though? I actually DISAGREE with this--what you bolded. Sure sounds great on a Hallmark card or something though. I might "love myself" but I still have a need for things outside of myself. Things such as oxygen, water, and food. And beyond my immediate survival, I still have a (healthy) drive to be part of something worthwhile that is larger than myself, such as a mission, family, and yes, a healthy intense relationship. Anyway, the rarer it is that you feel attraction for someone, the more it is that when you do meet that special someone whom you feel attraction/connection with, the more that person will represent that rare chance for you to get into that relationship you desire. And the more attached you feel towards the outcome. Self-esteem notwithstanding. That's how I see it anyway. Edited October 16, 2012 by Imajerk17 2
DollWelch Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 I've dated men out of boredom & loneliness, that I knew instantly, I couldn't see myself with long term so, I had an "I don't give a f*ck" attitude about them, and they couldn't get enough of me! The guys that I've been totally into...eventually lose interest. I am with you on this one. I have been there far too many times; actually, that is my state of mind at the moment. But there are drawbacks to this. Once you do find that special someone, and he wants to build a connection with you, that is when the "I Don't Give a F*ck" attitude will hurt you. I am currently experiencing some of this drawback. Generally, the man will start to resent you and feel that you are pushing him away. Eventually, he will throw in the towel and walk away. Part of loving yourself is to let your guard down and allow that rare encounter to see the kind of amazing person that you are -without having to jump hurdles. This takes time -but it is definitely worth it.
carhill Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 How do you not get attached to someone too fast? For myself, it's been a combination of two factors: 1. Having numerous and loving friendships; relationships which allow expressions of love, receipt of love and value of that synergy. 2. Remembering that this person, the one with whom a potential fast attachment may occur, is one of billions of people on the planet. They're unique and special as one of those billions, but not the be-all and end-all of special. Everyone is unique and special in their own way. 2
JayL Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 I'm pretty sure I already know the answer to this... BY LOVING YOURSELF But honestly, I find it hard to not really get into a guy, that I'm very interested in. Granted...this does not happen alot because, as I stated in an earlier post, I'm extremely picky & only find about 1% of the male poplulation attractive in the first place. I've dated men out of boredom & loneliness, that I knew instantly, I couldn't see myself with long term so, I had an "I don't give a f*ck" attitude about them, and they couldn't get enough of me! The guys that I've been totally into...eventually lose interest. How do you strike a balance here? Seems like true love never lasts for a lifetime I feel ya... I've gone on dates with many women whom I did not give 2 sh*ts about and just called them or hung out with them when I was bored and they were all over me. I used to have a different "fling" every 2 months in just about 2 years. In the beginning of summer this year, I saw a girl who really attracted me, approached her at the mall, we went for coffee and she immediately struck me HARD. We went on 3 to 4 dates in a span of 2 weeks, became official and fell for her within the following week, I could not get enough of her, I wanted to see her everyday, spend every waking moment with her, have sex with her etc. A month and a half later, she admits to me that she wasn't that into me but tried to build that emotional connection, but she couldn't. She found me attractive, confident, liked my qualities, I have a career, I'm financially stable, well-dressed etc, but the "thrill" faded and she just didn't feel the same anymore. This world is just weird.... people are just weird... 1
HeldbyGravity Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 I'm pretty sure I already know the answer to this... BY LOVING YOURSELF But honestly, I find it hard to not really get into a guy, that I'm very interested in. Granted...this does not happen alot because, as I stated in an earlier post, I'm extremely picky & only find about 1% of the male poplulation attractive in the first place. I've dated men out of boredom & loneliness, that I knew instantly, I couldn't see myself with long term so, I had an "I don't give a f*ck" attitude about them, and they couldn't get enough of me! The guys that I've been totally into...eventually lose interest. How do you strike a balance here? Seems like true love never lasts for a lifetime I think that all you have to do is keep reason in your mind. Like what I'll do is I'll be looking up all of the love songs and smiling and such- I'll allow myself that. But I take a little time out of the day to say, "You don't really know him completely, so you can't love him" "You may be falling, but you've got other exciting things happening in your life" "You would be very sad if he left, but it wouldn't kill you." It's fine to enjoy their company, fine to live in the moment a bit and yeah, fine to admit that you Are falling for them. You have to let yourself enjoy another person's company and companionship, and don't be afraid of doing so. But just find something like this that can keep you grounded. 1
mtnbiker Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 as I stated in an earlier post, I'm extremely picky & only find about 1% of the male poplulation attractive in the first place. You are not lying...~1%?! That is beyond "picky".
veggirl Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 you can help yourself not get attached so fast by taking a step back and realizing I DON'T EVEN KNOW THIS PERSON. if you recognize that your feelings are excitement and lust, you'll be okay. it's when you confuse "butterflies" for "omg i can feel he is my soulmate" that you get in trouble.
EasyHeart Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 you can help yourself not get attached so fast by taking a step back and realizing I DON'T EVEN KNOW THIS PERSON. if you recognize that your feelings are excitement and lust, you'll be okay. it's when you confuse "butterflies" for "omg i can feel he is my soulmate" that you get in trouble.Bingo! I'd even go so far as to say that when I get "butterflies", it tells me that I'm being flooded with hormones and this isn't a person that I'm ever going to have a LTR with. BEWARE THE BUTTERFLIES!!! I'm pretty sure I already know the answer to this... BY LOVING YOURSELF I am really good at this part. But sometimes I get so busy loving myself that I forget to love other people. . . .
SJC2008 Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 IMO it's something you can't control. I've dated quite a few women over the last year or so and have only gotten attatched to one and most everyone here knows about it. Sometimes people just hit a sub-conscious cord or something and it triggers a strong attraction. They're probabaly not even aware they did so. 1
Avulare Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 You are not lying...~1%?! That is beyond "picky". I'm pretty much the same way... Though in my case, it doesn't sound so extraordinary when you consider the fact that the proportion of men who are scientists is quite small (and as a woman in science, I tend to only go for men who are in those types of fields as well).
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