StrikeFreedom Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 My social worker said that if I think about my ex I should write down my thoughts to get them out and see them in front of me to help me relieve stress. So I wrote this... it's about my first/ now ex girlfriend.. it's been 1 year and 2 months since we broke up. I am turning 23 years old in December. I dumped (ex's name) because… -I wanted to try dating someone else (my first ever love interest, a girl from my past) -I was turned off and annoyed by (ex's name) needy personality -I was bored of our relationship -I didn't feel my desire to find and be in love with someone was satisfied -I wanted to have sex with more women before I committed to one person I believe I feel guilty because… -I love her and would never want to hurt her or cause her any pain -I feel like I didn't take our relationship seriously I have several negative emotional problems since the break-up such as… -I feel heart broken when I think of her having sex with other people -I feel like I should be there comforting her trying to help her feel better -I feel like I can’t live with myself unless she knows that I truly do love her even if we’re not together -I constantly think about her and it leads to overwhelming anxiety and feeling burned out from thinking so much
Author StrikeFreedom Posted October 16, 2012 Author Posted October 16, 2012 the grass is greener syndrome. Thanks for giving your opinion. Does anyone else believe GIGS is the root cause of most of my post-relationship guilt? 1
NavyAirTraffic Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 Thanks for giving your opinion. Does anyone else believe GIGS is the root cause of most of my post-relationship guilt? I do. I have done the same in the past. I look back on 2 relationships I ended because I thought I could "do better" and I see two beautiful, smart, loving, compatible women that I left for what reason?? I haven't done any better since, and if I had the option I would go back in time to try my best to make it work. I partly blame hollywood for this one, I know it sounds stupid. Most people watch love stories "Serendipity" where they find the most beautiful person and everything is roses and teddy bears, they only show the "honeymoon phase". Nothing in the world is that perfect, or remains that perfect for long. Relationships are a struggle, a great journey. I think that most people that act on GIGS do so in pursuit of the "Serendipity" moment. 1
Floored Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 I do. I have done the same in the past. I look back on 2 relationships I ended because I thought I could "do better" and I see two beautiful, smart, loving, compatible women that I left for what reason?? I haven't done any better since, and if I had the option I would go back in time to try my best to make it work. I partly blame hollywood for this one, I know it sounds stupid. Most people watch love stories "Serendipity" where they find the most beautiful person and everything is roses and teddy bears, they only show the "honeymoon phase". Nothing in the world is that perfect, or remains that perfect for long. Relationships are a struggle, a great journey. I think that most people that act on GIGS do so in pursuit of the "Serendipity" moment. I call it the Disney Effect. Things take effort to make them worthwhile, relationships included and probably top of the list. @OP: GIGS entirely. It's funny now though, I've been using GIGS to describe my breakup, but I never think she will ever regret it. I didn't think so, but here you are more than a year later still pondering it and seeking council for it. Did you ever try reaching out to her? How long were you together?
Author StrikeFreedom Posted October 16, 2012 Author Posted October 16, 2012 (edited) I call it the Disney Effect. Things take effort to make them worthwhile, relationships included and probably top of the list. @OP: GIGS entirely. It's funny now though, I've been using GIGS to describe my breakup, but I never think she will ever regret it. I didn't think so, but here you are more than a year later still pondering it and seeking council for it. Did you ever try reaching out to her? How long were you together? Thanks for your reply. Wow... I'm a little overwhelmed with what I'm going to say in return but here goes. I was thinking the other day... about my age and how my generation seems to have been pretty much *raised* by television and movies, more to the extreme than any other generation prior due to the boom of TV shows and movies in the 90's onward. I believe this type of growing up led to what you call the *Disney Effect*. And it's clearly affecting today's generation of young people and how they approach life and relationships. Anxiety and depression cases due to disappointments in life have gone through the roof in an overly out of control spiral. As much as I'd like to talk more about that issue in general however I'd like to refer back to my situation as I'm doing my best to strive for a satisfying recovery and acceptance of my break up. To rip the extreme negatives it has generated out of my life... so I can be more peaceful, happy, and content. No amount of superficial success can possibly make life enjoyable and happy when one carries around such emotional pain. This is all under the assumption of course that a person can ultimately overcome whatever negativity has become bound to them because of this type of traumatic experience. _________________________________________________________________ Lol, sorry. All that info just came pouring out of me. Here is more information about my situation with some facts from my end. My EX and I were together for nearly 2 years. After I broke up with my ex... about a week later I began to *feel sorry* for her. This led to us meeting up and trying to talk but I noticed her and I were unable to really talk about anything.. concrete? We weren't really able to bring up any major issues about why we broke up other then underlying feelings of uncertainly about the future and a lot of sappy emotional *love* talk, which I deem as very holly-wood like, fake, and ultimately useless. I remember when I started pouring the *love you* talk all over her and how empty and fake I felt inside while saying all of those things. We did decide however after that we were getting back together and we did. But after that day my ex's behavior changed. She seemed very uncertain about everything and became a bit miserable and unhappy. I confronted her about her feelings but it was more of a heated guilt trip on my end because I was scared she was going to leave me. She told me we should go on a break because she was confused about what she wanted. I found out however in the week that we didn't speak, someone suggested to her to make a PlentyOfFish account to try and meet new people. Well she ended up meeting someone on there and apparently liked them. We got into a major argument and didn't speak for 2 weeks after I guilt tripped her about the *go on the break* thing, because I assumed it meant she was going to date another guy which I could not accept. *sigh* this is turning into a long rant... I hope this doesn't become too painful for people to read my story and give feedback on it. Continuing on.... after about 4 weeks of not talking to my ex since our fight, I contacted her and turned into an emotional wreck. I found out she was dating the other guy and I wanted her back but when I had found out they slept together I was unable to remain stable as my jealousy and heart-break shot through the roof. She said she wanted me back as well, and we agreed to get back together again however we both ended up becoming emotional wrecks because she didn't want to hurt to the other guys feelings or give up the fun she was having with him. Ultimately she stayed with the guy. However about 3 weeks later when she went back to college she contacted me. I was very happy to hear from her and end up calling her over to hang out... we ended up having sex and I drove her home and found out she was still with the POF guy. We met up several times after that day to talk about what we should do about possibly getting back together or not but again there wasn't really anything in our conversations besides negative emotions and uncertain feelings. We didn't talk for 4 months. After that I reached out to her again and we met up and slept together but I was unaware if she was single or not. She said she had recently dumped the guy but then got back together with him right away. After that I told her I loved her blah blah blah... and she called me up in tears telling me she had left the guy for me so I went over to her place to see her and we got back together for about 2 weeks but she was acting extremely distant and we agreed we needed more time away from each other to heal because we were both emotional wrecks. We agreed if we still felt something for each other we would meet on our anniversary day 5 months down the road. I never ended up going to meet her but a few days after she sent a letter in the mail with a necklace in it. I became very confused. In any case I met up with her again to *talk* I guess? But when we saw each other she basically said nothing and was waiting for me to say something but I didn't really know what to say either. We agreed we still had chemistry and feelings for each other but that we're still not stable enough to get back together. I have since looked her facebook once in the past week and it seems she has a new boyfriend now. Jesus well I hope people are able to take the time to read this. Damn lol Edited October 16, 2012 by StrikeFreedom
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