Marques_Gil Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 (edited) Well my name is James, 25 yr old, Air Force military from Portugal. My case it´s pretty much the same I have read so far in this forum. I started dating this girl in 2010 befora I joined the military, dated for two years. Actually we broke up in the our second year anniversary. The first year kind of went smoothly. The second one, not as good. Usually ppl say that it takes two to tango. On my behalf I know I´ve kind stopped being myself. Got lost in relationship, got away from lots of my friends and started focusing only on the relationship and in my career. Got insecure and jeoulous as well. In nutshell, I forsaken my true identy in order to maintain this relationship. Gave a lot of myself and did a lot for my ex. She, well, she has a bit of problem concerning self-esteem. Although she´s a good looking and has presence, she has a lot of issues with herself. One time she thought I was interested in a friend of hers, who´s lesbian lol, I knew it has well, just because I gave her a little bit more atention one time. I did it actually because I didn´t like some of my ex´s friends so I kind of went from quite to social with this friend of hers, just to please her lol. With the time passing by, I started to notice some traits I didn´t fancy, such as being a little spoiled, and liked things to be done her way, if they weren´t she sulked, in a very annoying way. And because of her lack of confidence, some of fights reflected all of her shortcomings. She had some good qualities, but summing up I realized that she wasn´t the woman i thought she was, but only when we broke up. We broke up in April on our second year anniversary. She was the one who came forth. My ex just fell out love, I on the other hand was still in love with her, and like most of the dumpees, asked for a second chance. Denied. She asked me though if we could remain friends, and since I had a still a glimpse of hope ingetting back together I agreed. The next two months were hell for me, i went in NC with her and started on rescuing my "old self", the guy who was a social beast, the guy who was always smilling, the guy who did a lot of sports. I got together with a lot of old friends and made a lot of new friends. My social life is better than years ago. Many of my old friends stated they missed the old me. They said that in the day a started this RS, I transformed in a totally different person, that was great to have me back on board. I healed pretty nicely, although the first two months were kind of hard because I missed her a lot. When I felt strong enough, I contacted her. We talked a little, from time to time. We talked about grabbing a cup of coffee to catch up in person and exchange our stuff but she was always postponing, saying that she was busy, bla bla bla. One day, and not so long ago, it kind of hitted me like a bolt of lightning: why da hell she wants to remain friends with me if we speak so little and don´t even a met in person in 5 months. F*** that! Deleted her from FB, and when she noticed it we talked. We met in person and exchanged our stuff. I told her that during the past months, I rediscovered the true meaning of friendship and comradeship. Our "friendship" was nothing compared with what I have realized my friends, and since it was born from a BU situation, the best thing to do was to go our separate ways. I told her that people have time lenght in eachothers lives, and that her in mine was over. She did not take it vey good actually. She told me that we agreed to be friends and that what I told her wasn´t a good excuse, she took her things and walked away. To be honest, I still have mild connection with her, I would be lying saying I hadn´t. But at the same time... I kind of feel relived things went this way , I learned a LOT. Never to forsaken yourself for others.... Never forget your friends... And to love yourself above everything ELSE. Well this is my experience with my latest BU. The only thing I didn´t understood was her reaction. We rarely talked, we haven´t been together since the breakup. WOMEN, who can understand them? I sure can´t sometimes lol Edited October 16, 2012 by Marques_Gil
NavyAirTraffic Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 Never to forsaken yourself for others.... Never forget your friends... And to love yourself above everything ELSE. Amazing advice!! These are the main things I learned from my last relationship as well. I think it hurts so bad because we lose ourselves in our partners, we lose our independence, we forget our friends, and forget what is most important in this life, OURSELVES. I am also a firm believer that breaking those 3 rules above is what causes people to walk away. We put too much of the burden on them, maybe they can't handle it, we lose the balance. I'm guilty of doing it, but I hope I've learned my lesson.
Author Marques_Gil Posted October 17, 2012 Author Posted October 17, 2012 I felt like sharing my story, it seems many ppl in here live in a dream world where he or she is still coming back. People, getting back together is never going to happend. Might has well move on, learn from the experience and live your life. Enjoy single life and in the meanwhile, maybe, we´ll meet someone worthy. Thanks to our past mistake, we´ll love deeper and at same time we´ll be capable of setting the bounderies in the RS and don´t get overboard. I´m talking in a dumpee´s point of view actually. Once they BU with us, there´s no way coming, might as well cut everything from the root and forget the friendship thing, it´s not going to help in the longrun and it just feels like you got demoted instead of promoted. Focus on yourselves, get in touch with old friends, make new ones and think about the positive things in your lifes. People are attracted to positive vibes believe me guys
Sugarkane Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 Amazing advice!! These are the main things I learned from my last relationship as well. I think it hurts so bad because we lose ourselves in our partners, we lose our independence, we forget our friends, and forget what is most important in this life, OURSELVES. I am also a firm believer that breaking those 3 rules above is what causes people to walk away. We put too much of the burden on them, maybe they can't handle it, we lose the balance. I'm guilty of doing it, but I hope I've learned my lesson. That was the biggest mistake I made also. Then my ex royally screwed me over and I felt like I had no one. I think I wouldnt have sunk so far down into depression if I had better support.
Author Marques_Gil Posted October 18, 2012 Author Posted October 18, 2012 In order to exist balance in a RS, wecan´t grant too much power to our better half, it has to exist harmony and balance.
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