Frustrated with my ex - Every girl is the same :(

[bcm235]

I have written on here a number of times in the last 6 months. Though I have been quiet for the last three. I split with my ex in early May. We were in an LDR and things got difficult. She spent too much time with male friends on her course, slept over at there houses because her house was in the middle of nowhere and talking about two of them a bit too much. Recently she got in touch with me now that i've moved to the same area and we recently met up. It was really nice and I felt like she was a different person. She had lots of insecurity issues when we first met and she had been to counselling and she seemed healthier. She started texting me non stop and said things would be different if we could start again then one day I made it very clear that I did not want to get back with her.

Less than 10 days later she is in a relationship with one of these male friends she was a bit too close too whilst we were together. I have taken it quite badly. Not because I want her necessarily but for three key reasons:

 

1. Knowing that she was into me again gave me a confidence boost and feel pretty great about myself which I hadn't felt in a long while.

 

2. She ended up in a relationship with the one man I blame for ruining our relationship! In a sense I felt she emotionally cheated on me with him.

 

3. This is my third serious relationship. This is also the third time an ex has jumped into a relationship with a male friend I was always suspicious of during our relationship. How can it happen three times to someone!

 

THIS 3rd REASON IS REALLY MAKING ME FEEL DOWN!

I always feel like the warm up act or the main course before they move onto something better!

 

I text her last night to say I could no longer go to the theartre with her in 2 weeks because I didn't feel it appropriate. She proceeded to rant at me saying I let her down as a friend and started making me feel bad.

It eventually comes out that she still wants me and isn't serious about this guy he's all she 'deserves' at the moment. I told her we needed to cut ties and that she needs to learn to love herself. I also told her that whilst she had a boyfriend particularly one that I was angry with from our time together there is no hope in hell we will be 'best friends' and that I want to be away from her right now.

 

I just feel kicked in teeth. She said this guy had been working abroad and she thought of me all summer and wanted us to be together now he seems to be flavour of the month. Wish it was anyone else but him! Clinging to the hope that it is a mini rebound.

 

She is 22 and I am 27 (he is 29 :/

[stillafool]

You told her there was no chance in the two of you getting back together. Why is is not okay for her to move on to someone new? That doesn't make sense to me. You definitely cannot be her friend because you two still care about each other in a romantic way. It is best to create distance from her and move on if you do not see the two of you getting back together.

[todreaminblue]

I have written on here a number of times in the last 6 months. Though I have been quiet for the last three. I split with my ex in early May. We were in an LDR and things got difficult. She spent too much time with male friends on her course, slept over at there houses because her house was in the middle of nowhere and talking about two of them a bit too much. Recently she got in touch with me now that i've moved to the same area and we recently met up. It was really nice and I felt like she was a different person. She had lots of insecurity issues when we first met and she had been to counselling and she seemed healthier. She started texting me non stop and said things would be different if we could start again then one day I made it very clear that I did not want to get back with her.

Less than 10 days later she is in a relationship with one of these male friends she was a bit too close too whilst we were together. I have taken it quite badly. Not because I want her necessarily but for three key reasons:

 

1. Knowing that she was into me again gave me a confidence boost and feel pretty great about myself which I hadn't felt in a long while.

 

2. She ended up in a relationship with the one man I blame for ruining our relationship! In a sense I felt she emotionally cheated on me with him.

 

3. This is my third serious relationship. This is also the third time an ex has jumped into a relationship with a male friend I was always suspicious of during our relationship. How can it happen three times to someone!

 

THIS 3rd REASON IS REALLY MAKING ME FEEL DOWN!

I always feel like the warm up act or the main course before they move onto something better!

 

I text her last night to say I could no longer go to the theartre with her in 2 weeks because I didn't feel it appropriate. She proceeded to rant at me saying I let her down as a friend and started making me feel bad.

It eventually comes out that she still wants me and isn't serious about this guy he's all she 'deserves' at the moment. I told her we needed to cut ties and that she needs to learn to love herself. I also told her that whilst she had a boyfriend particularly one that I was angry with from our time together there is no hope in hell we will be 'best friends' and that I want to be away from her right now.

 

I just feel kicked in teeth. She said this guy had been working abroad and she thought of me all summer and wanted us to be together now he seems to be flavour of the month. Wish it was anyone else but him! Clinging to the hope that it is a mini rebound.

 

She is 22 and I am 27 (he is 29 :/

 

 

It sounds like a rebound she did choose to ask you first, you declined she moved on to someone else she knew.most likely a rebound..she dated from her friend zone......it isn't unusual I am sorry that it happened to you more than once...but you don't want her really so let her go......find someone you want to be with don't waste time with regret on who she is with now....find someone for you...best wishes..deb

[TopCat22]

There is no excuse for cheating (emotional or physical) but your exes clearly weren't getting what they wanted from the relationship. The fact that this has happened to you three times shows either you are very unlucky or that there is something you are doing in a relationship that is causing them to wander.

 

I'm not excusing their behaviour, but perhaps you are not good enough at setting boundaries? If you allow your gf to sleep at other guys houses etc. then you are not defining a boundary. You don't need to be jealous or possesive but you need to make clear what is acceptable behaviour to you.

 

People will treat you as you allow them to treat you and this is even more so in a relationship. I would suggest you look at each of these three relationships and examine what you may have done that would have given them cause to look elsewhere. If you can find that then you will be able to fix it and make sure you don't make that mistake again.