Emissary Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 Bit of back story here, though only paragraph 3, paragraph 6, and beyond are really relevant to the question. By friendzone, I mean a relationship is absolutely not going to happen. There's this girl I work with, we were always friendly to each other, but by the start of September it became clear that it wasn't just co-worker friendliness and that we genuinely enjoyed each other's company. Anyway, for my part I was always attracted to her, and internally I toyed with the idea of being together. She took a two week vacation at that point, and just before she came back, she got transferred to a different store. I was thinking about asking her out when she came back, but she never did, I lost my opportunity. If I wasn't sure how I felt about her before, I knew then that she really meant something to me. We hadn't started talking to each other outside of work yet, so I was left with very limited options in approaching her. Enter our other co-worker and mutual friend outside of work, she decided to be my wingman and invited us both to a coffee double date with her and her fiancee. While I was thrilled that I was going to get a chance to at least bridge the gap and get her number, I was also horrified that she did that without even asking me beforehand. The double date never happened, she cancelled a few hours before and travelled to her hometown for a couple days. I didn't know for sure what really happened, but I gave it up as a sign that I should pursue elsewhere for the time being. I was doing good, but then a couple days ago I was running errands for work that brought me to the other store, we saw each other briefly. We said hi, but when she asked how I was doing, I tried to be impassive, simply saying "eh", shrugged and left. When I left her store, I felt like I needed to drop everything and go back to her, I kept driving though. Still, I couldn't stop thinking about her. While doing some quick paperwork in my store's office, I glanced at the wall, a list of everybody's phone numbers, including hers... I knew the number was there, I always did, I just never used it out of respect, it is after all unprofessional to use the list for non-work related business. I jotted the number down, and when I got home, I texted her. It started off with simple hellos, but I made quick to say sorry for using her number without permission, but more than that, that I was truly sorry for how our mutual friend involved herself in everything, that I should have just been a man and handled things myself from the start. She said it was all good and that I shouldn't be sorry, good enough start. A little further down the conversation she said our main boss pulled her aside and asked if we liked each other as more than friends(I'm her favourite employee, and I guess she clued in that I was upset about the transfer). She said she didn't know how to answer that because she didn't know how I really felt. I decided it was time to be more open, I told her, "I do" (like her as more than a friend), and that sometimes I just have a hard time saying it. Anyway, I didn't let that be the sole topic of the conversation, we chatted for a good while about other things besides my feelings for her. I thought it went really well, took a huge weight off my shoulders, but then she asked me what days I work. We realized that we have all the same days off, I capitalized by suggesting that we maybe try round two with that coffee meeting, minus everybody else, just us. She said "us maybe", I don't know exactly what she meant by that, but I decided not to push the issue any further for the day and created an out so we could end the conversation. Our mutual friend told me before that initial double date that I should take my time with this one. I asked if she was hesitant regarding me, she said something about her being a bit unsure, and that maybe coffee could lead to more. During the big conversation with the girl I like, we brought most of everything out into the open, that our friend wanted us to be together, and that I cared about her in that way. What we didn't talk about though, is how she feels about me. Still, I don't have a lot of experience with in this regard women, but she more or less invited me to tell her the truth about how I feel for her. I know from our mutual friend that she already knew I liked her that way, perhaps she wanted to hear it for herself. What I do know from experience though, is that women don't like talking about feelings with a guy they don't care about, they avoid it and will hate you if you bring it up. She didn't avoid it, she wanted to know. She texts me everyday to ask how my day is, we chat quite a bit, but I haven't brought up any sort of date yet, I'm letting her sit on it for a while. That's my plan, but I have this nagging feeling that I've missed something. That perhaps we only are friends and that she was just letting me get everything off my chest to give me some peace of mind. I don't know.
Mrlonelyone Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 Lets look at her actions in response to your actions. She bailed on the initial coffee double date type thing. She transferred to another store. She was not freaked out about you texting her off a list of numbers from work. You told her you liked her and almost set a coffee date. She text you asking about your day etc. You should ask her out for that coffee pretty soon. I don't see where she FZ'ed you. In fact your so nervous it's killing you.
Author Emissary Posted October 16, 2012 Author Posted October 16, 2012 Lets look at her actions in response to your actions. She bailed on the initial coffee double date type thing. She transferred to another store. She was not freaked out about you texting her off a list of numbers from work. You told her you liked her and almost set a coffee date. She text you asking about your day etc. You should ask her out for that coffee pretty soon. I don't see where she FZ'ed you. In fact your so nervous it's killing you. To clarify, she didn't ask to be transferred. She just didn't like the hours she was getting, I guess the store owner decided that since she couldn't give her better hours at my store, she offered an opening at the other store for her to jump in. No more late night shifts, those suck. I also forgot to mention that she bought me a gift on that vacation she went on(Disney Land lol), so it went without saying that we would have seen each other eventually.
Author Emissary Posted October 17, 2012 Author Posted October 17, 2012 It's probably something I should have mentioned as well, but she's just recently gotten out of an abusive relationship, I think they split up in the middle of August. I remember before I really started noticing her, I asked her what her plans were, if she was going to be seeing anybody else soon. She said she might wait a while, but had some ideas of who she would like to approach. I have no idea if I was one of those guys she meant, but she did say she needed time. I just don't know how much time she needs. Her past relationship lasted roughly 8 months, she broke up with him two months ago, could he have really been so horrible that she needs that much time? I've been told by two girls now that I need to take my time to make this work. I know this is true, and the last thing I want to do is rush things along, but time isn't exactly on my side. I haven't had much luck with women, and the fates curse me that two leads would present themselves so close together. There's another girl, I'm interested in her, but not nearly as much as the one I need to wait on. I already made the first move on the other girl, shortly before I realized I didn't want to lose out on the first one. Sooner or later I will have to make a call of which one I'm going to choose. What more could I say to her though? She knows I like her, I affirmed it myself. On Sunday, I left an open ended proposal that we do coffee sometime, her response was vague, so I left it at that. Do you think I should ask her again, but this time with a set day? Coffee on Thursday perhaps? Is coffee even rushing things? I mean, coffee has always been just a pre-date, testing grounds, there's no commitment to each other there.
carhill Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 Stop the open-ended proposals. 'I'd love to take you to lunch tomorrow at xxx (be specific). Would you like to join me?' Yes = date No = erase Reschedule = onus on her; if no suggestion is immediately forthcoming, erase. As an erstwhile expert regarding women from abusive relationships/marriages/childhoods, etc, no two are alike and boy can some suck the life out of a person. Good luck.
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