Meeks7 Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 There are many reasons men aren't successful with women. You have to do an introspective analysis and figure out what it is. Can you be more presentable? In terms of your physical appearance? Are you a negative person? That negative energy shows whether you're aware of it or not. Are you shy? Are you scared to make moves? Are you too nice? Do you let women walk all over you? Is your social circle limited? Do you need to expand it? +100 Also, if you seek something TOO hard, you will give off a desperate vibe, whether you believe/know it or not. My GF vouches for this. She can sense weird vibes from lonely guys who are trying WAY TOO HARD to find a woman, and it ends up turning her off. Women just want a fun, solid, confident guy they can feel safe with yet have some sense of danger/thrill/fun. And guys who search way too hard, who spend their time thinking about girls 24/7, usually can't provide that which women are looking for. And so, the vicious cycle repeats itself. 2
Imajerk17 Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 (edited) I actually agree with all of this, Meeks. Well-said. You (SD) can enjoy talking with and flirting with women RIGHT NOW via dance class, approaches, your college classes, but women can't be your focus in life. The guys who make women the focus on their lives either keep chasing them to no avail (the PUA Community has a lot of these guys) or they get a girlfriend who loses interest, cheats on them, and so on. You want a girl who thinks your life is cool and exciting. And the only way that will happen is if YOU think your life is cool and exciting. Remember, Women Follow Your Lead. Don't you (SD) do salsa and are good at it? That is quite a nice card to have in your hand. +100 Also, if you seek something TOO hard, you will give off a desperate vibe, whether you believe/know it or not. My GF vouches for this. She can sense weird vibes from lonely guys who are trying WAY TOO HARD to find a woman, and it ends up turning her off. Women just want a fun, solid, confident guy they can feel safe with yet have some sense of danger/thrill/fun. And guys who search way too hard, who spend their time thinking about girls 24/7, usually can't provide that which women are looking for. And so, the vicious cycle repeats itself. Edited October 18, 2012 by Imajerk17
Meeks7 Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 The sad thing about this vicious cycle is that the lonely "I just/only want a GF so badly!" guy keeps on harping on the belief that if he attempts anything that's not DIRECTLY GF-related (i.e. flirting with single girls, etc.), then it's a waste of time as it "pulls him away from his goal." Example: "Work out 30 minutes each day? No! Why? That time could be spent daydreaming or searching the net for relationship advice" Before they know it, it becomes so ingrained in them that they exude desperation out of their pores. Ironically, by attempting so hard to get a girl... is the VERY thing that most prevents them. Very ironic, and in many cases, sad to witness. 1
Author somedude81 Posted October 18, 2012 Author Posted October 18, 2012 somedude Congrats The first step is learning how to talk to a woman, how to get her into a conversation. You can practise by talking to the check out girls where ever you shop. They all have some banter, did you find everything OK, or how's your day. Ad lib, mention how you like this fall weather, and how it makes you want to be a kid again and go jump in a pile of leaves. It doesn't always work, but in many cases over time they begin to see you as a person, rather as a customer, and sometimes begin to open up about their lives, which gives you more to talk about. The idea is to practise talking to women and to begin to build up your confidence I started our as a tongue tied teenager, but over the years, I began to see women as just another person, and that in turn helped me in my dating life. At the sametime you are learning to talk to women, teach yourself how to listen, truly listen to what they have to say. Being able to have conversations isn't my problem. I do it all the time. It goes back to my first post, I don't do good with women because I don't know what I should really be talking about or how to act with them. Here's an example, I was talking to one of the girls I'm interested in (she's in my salsa class) and she said that she went to a belly dancing show during the weekend, then I found out she does some belly dancing herself. Then we started talking about how it can be difficult because it requires body control with the hips and arms etc. It was a decent conversation but a guy who knew how to talk to girls, could have taken it into a sexual direction and possibly expressed some interest in her or was able to make some plans with her or something. That's what I'm talking about not knowing what to say to girls. THIS. The problem with many unlucky men today is that they try to score instead of having fun. Looking at women as people and not as sex objects will make a huge difference. Hah! My problem is that I'm looking to have fun and not score, I don't see women as sex objects. Frankly, somebody has to see somebody as a sex object or nothing will ever happen. 9 times out of 10, the man has to make the first move. Women like a man who can laugh, love and listen. Show compassion and enthusiasm about what you enjoy and show respect and enjoyment in what she says. Instead of looking at her body, look at her heart. IMO, that's just the basics for friendship. Yes, but we still want him to be a man. Don't be afraid to be a man. You are attracted to her, as a man. Express it! Make it clear that you have romantic interests, not just friendship. That is definitely the key. But for some guys, definitley me, it's easier said then done. ------ MrCastle said: "There are many reasons men aren't successful with women. You have to do an introspective analysis and figure out what it is." Can you be more presentable? In terms of your physical appearance? IMO I dress good enough, make sure I always look good. I dress "normal" for a college student in SoCal. The only other way I can improve my appearance is losing my fat and gain more muscle. That is a work in progress and will take time. Actual visible change will be minimal to the outside observer. Are you a negative person? That negative energy shows whether you're aware of it or not. Negative only when I'm alone. When I'm around people, it does not show through. Are you shy? Are you scared to make moves? Are you too nice? Do you let women walk all over you? Both of these are key and are included under the general umbrella of not knowing what to do with women.
fortyninethousand322 Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 It's not because the guy is short or ugly or doesn't approach random girls or doesn't have high confidence etc. It's because he doesn't know what he should be doing or how to do it. Send an average guy who happens to do badly with women, out with a few single girls, and all he'd probably do is make a couple new friends. He would have no idea how to interact or talk to them properly in a way that makes them see him as a man. Put a guy who knows how to talk to girls in the same situation, and he'd most likely end up hooking up with at least one of the girls, if not make future plans at least. It doesn't matter if he's uglier, shorter, poorer than the first guy. All that matters is knowing what to do. Finally, you accept the truth.
JamesM Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 Being able to have conversations isn't my problem. I do it all the time. It goes back to my first post, I don't do good with women because I don't know what I should really be talking about or how to act with them. Here's an example, I was talking to one of the girls I'm interested in (she's in my salsa class) and she said that she went to a belly dancing show during the weekend, then I found out she does some belly dancing herself. Then we started talking about how it can be difficult because it requires body control with the hips and arms etc. It was a decent conversation but a guy who knew how to talk to girls, could have taken it into a sexual direction and possibly expressed some interest in her or was able to make some plans with her or something. That's what I'm talking about not knowing what to say to girls. Not necessarily. But if you remember that she took belly dancing the next time you talked with her and mentioned that you look into it and it did look like fun. And sometime you want to check out a belly dance show. She may know of one and invite you, or you could keep your eyes open for one and invite her. Or when you meet her again, you could tell her how you read an article about belly dancing and you remembered her and how she liked it. It made that article more interesting because you knew her. It is the little subtle ways that work first rather than the obvious sexual innuendo for most normal men. Hah! My problem is that I'm looking to have fun and not score, I don't see women as sex objects. That is okay. Actually it is good. You simply need to bring it to the next level. Many men cannot even do what you do. Frankly, somebody has to see somebody as a sex object or nothing will ever happen. 9 times out of 10, the man has to make the first move. IMO, that's just the basics for friendship. Seeing a woman sexually is different than seeing them as a sex object. Having them get to know you as a person and yes as a friend can get them to think of you as more. And in my experience, if a woman wants you, then she will "help" you make that first move, or give you so many hints that if you can't see them, then she feels offended.
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