Jump to content

The number one reason why guys do poorly with women

somedude81

By somedude81
in Dating

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

Posted
Posted

It's not because the guy is short or ugly or doesn't approach random girls or doesn't have high confidence etc.

 

It's because he doesn't know what he should be doing or how to do it.

 

Send an average guy who happens to do badly with women, out with a few single girls, and all he'd probably do is make a couple new friends. He would have no idea how to interact or talk to them properly in a way that makes them see him as a man.

 

Put a guy who knows how to talk to girls in the same situation, and he'd most likely end up hooking up with at least one of the girls, if not make future plans at least. It doesn't matter if he's uglier, shorter, poorer than the first guy.

 

All that matters is knowing what to do.

  • Like 5
Oxy Moronovich Established Member

Oxy Moronovich

Posted
Posted

Pretty much.

  • Like 1
Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted

Sounds like a great epiphany. Much you have learnt recently, young padawan. :)

  • Like 1
ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

Posted
Posted

I'm surprised it took you this long to figure out :laugh:

  • Like 2
Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted
I'm surprised it took you this long to figure out :laugh:

 

C'mon, better now than never. Give the dude some credit where it's due. :laugh:

  • Like 2
ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

Posted
Posted
C'mon, better now than never. Give the dude some credit where it's due. :laugh:

I know, I know. I'm glad it's clear :).

  • Like 2
  • Author
somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I'm surprised it took you this long to figure out :laugh:

Actually, I've thought about it for a long time, but there were other things that I paid more attention to that distracted me and I thought they were more important.

 

It's a real eye opener to see guys who are shorter and far less attractive than I am, do much better with girls than I do. Then it became clear that they actually know how to interact with the girls. And that's what the girls respond to.

  • Like 1
Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted
Actually, I've thought about it for a long time, but there were other things that I paid more attention to that distracted me and I thought they were more important.

 

It's a real eye opener to see guys who are shorter and far less attractive than I am, do much better with girls than I do. Then it became clear that they actually know how to interact with the girls. And that's what the girls respond to.

 

Yes, yes, and yes!!

 

So, what are you going to do about that?

ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

Posted
Posted
Actually, I've thought about it for a long time, but there were other things that I paid more attention to that distracted me and I thought they were more important.

 

It's a real eye opener to see guys who are shorter and far less attractive than I am, do much better with girls than I do. Then it became clear that they actually know how to interact with the girls. And that's what the girls respond to.

So how has this discovery impacted you?

 

Has it inspired you? (hopefully it has).

yongyong Established Member

yongyong

Posted
Posted

It's like saying 'you should understand customers to do well in business'

 

who doesn't know that? who's not trying that? the question is how exactly...

  • Author
somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Yes, yes, and yes!!

 

So, what are you going to do about that?

 

So how has this discovery impacted you?

 

Has it inspired you? (hopefully it has).

The first thing I realize is that there is no point in complaining about anything physical. In the long run those things just don't really matter, and can be made up for.

 

It's also to throw out the notion that being able to approach random women is important. It isn't necessary at all.

It's like saying 'you should understand customers to do well in business'

 

who doesn't know that?

It's one of those things that seems really simple and that everybody knows but it's obviously not common knowledge.

 

Just look at all the guys making threads here blaming X for their girl problems, when it's simply because they don't know what to do when they are around girls.

 

Even the 5'0 Asian guys could get a hot blonde girl if they knew how to "work it." Lots of girls are fun and easy going and they just want a guy who makes her have fun but the guy also has to know how to push things in the right direction.

 

the question is how exactly...

Yes, the question is how.

 

I know what doesn't matter, but how to do what does, that's the hard part.

  • Like 2
yongyong Established Member

yongyong

Posted
Posted

I don't know what you are trying to say. are you at least trying to share some insights? which I don't see any.

 

You know there is nothing to learn when the coach says 'do your best!!!'

Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted
I don't know what you are trying to say. are you at least trying to share some insights? which I don't see any.

 

You know there is nothing to learn when the coach says 'do your best!!!'

 

You clearly have not been following SD's posts. This is a major breakthrough for him.

 

Yes, the question is how.

 

I know what doesn't matter, but how to do what does, that's the hard part.

 

Practice, by pushing yourself to socialize more. Hopefully you are more open to this suggestion now?

  • Like 1
ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

Posted
Posted
The first thing I realize is that there is no point in complaining about anything physical. In the long run those things just don't really matter, and can be made up for.

 

It's also to throw out the notion that being able to approach random women is important. It isn't necessary at all.

 

It's one of those things that seems really simple and that everybody knows but it's obviously not common knowledge.

 

Just look at all the guys making threads here blaming X for their girl problems, when it's simply because they don't know what to do when they are around girls.

 

Even the 5'0 Asian guys could get a hot blonde girl if they knew how to "work it." Lots of girls are fun and easy going and they just want a guy who makes her have fun but the guy also has to know how to push things in the right direction.

 

 

Yes, the question is how.

 

I know what doesn't matter, but how to do what does, that's the hard part.

You, my good sir, have had quite the quantum leap :D:D

 

You will learn how soon - need any resources and I'll give them to you.

mtnbiker Established Member

mtnbiker

Posted
Posted

My neighbor is a chunky, hairy dude and pulls good looking women as gf's every few months. He must be good with women.

 

The Wholigan, I had asked for those before, but for some reason I can't send or receive PM's on here yet.

  • Like 1
  • Author
somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I don't know what you are trying to say. are you at least trying to share some insights? which I don't see any.

 

You know there is nothing to learn when the coach says 'do your best!!!'

After striking out, player complains to his coach.

 

"I don't have enough muscle on me to hit the ball"

 

The coach responds, "Are you watching the ball before you swing?"

 

It's not supposed to be some deep insight. As I said before, myself and a lot of other guys were blaming something and focusing on the wrong area for the problem.

 

For me, it means that there is no point in whining that I'm short and not really good looking. Simply because it's still possible to be successful. They are not the roadblock.

  • Like 2
silicone Established Member

silicone

Posted
Posted

Being short is and isn't a roadblock.

 

I'm in a stable job and I can talk to girls, doesn't mean that I find them attractive or visa versa.

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted
for some reason I can't send or receive PM's on here yet.

 

One more post and ten more days.

 

Topically, having 'done well' with women for decades, as fellow humans and dear friends, what separates the 'winners' from the 'losers' in romance is perceived attractiveness amongst the target demographic. To put it in business terms, one must be or become adept with 'marketing romance'. A lousy salesperson, even with a stellar product, is going to return crickets. The 'chunky, hairly dude' markets aspects of himself which are attractive and minimizes the attention paid to his chunkiness and hairyness as disincentives to loin stirring. If he were to resist being proactive and let nature take its course, then first appearances would likely run counter to his objectives. Same visual, different impression. Human nature is an interesting dynamic.

  • Like 1
ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

Posted
Posted
My neighbor is a chunky, hairy dude and pulls good looking women as gf's every few months. He must be good with women.

 

The Wholigan, I had asked for those before, but for some reason I can't send or receive PM's on here yet.

I think you need about 100 more posts before you get PM privileges. Once available I'll mail you some links and some names of a few programs that helped me get better with girls.

mesmerized Established Member

mesmerized

Posted
Posted

Lol, the problem is there is no magic word you can tell girls and suddenly get their interest. Every girl is different. Even the hottest players who think they know what to say go back home empty handed sometimes.

 

Just improve yourself in every way you can and know that even if you do your best, you might lose sometimes though you will win a lot more.

  • Like 2
ascendotum Established Member

ascendotum

Posted
Posted
Lots of girls are fun and easy going and they just want a guy who makes her have fun but the guy also has to know how to push things in the right direction.

Being a fun guy. This I'm sure is a short coming of many of the hard luck harry's here when it comes to girls. They are variations of a little shy, introverted, down on confidence, self conscious, bit insecure, little bit depressed, little bit aspey, a bit geeky, etc, and they just do not convey a fun persona, and that really does help a lot. The thing that makes it hard for such guys is that their equivalent in a girl, does not initiate conversations, and many want the opposite of them, to bring them out of their shell or to make their life more fun & exciting. Being a fun guy will definitely help make up for looks (looks are still king though), but for some its just not in their nature. If they can change that then it will help with their social life which definitely has flow on effects for interest from girls.

mtnbiker Established Member

mtnbiker

Posted
Posted (edited)
Lol, the problem is there is no magic word you can tell girls and suddenly get their interest. Every girl is different. Even the hottest players who think they know what to say go back home empty handed sometimes.

 

Just improve yourself in every way you can and know that even if you do your best, you might lose sometimes though you will win a lot more.

 

That's what I've been doing the last five weeks and will continue to do so. I quit a 16 year smoking habit, got back to weights instead of just cardio and mtn biking, started taking salsa classes and started taking a cooking class. Also started seeing a psychologist.

BTW, quitting cigarettes has been H*LL!

Edited by mtnbiker
xxoo Established Member

xxoo

Posted
Posted

Wow, SD! For a moment, I thought someone hacked your acct!

 

This is a huge step in the right direction for you.

 

Question--does this epiphany make you feel more hopeful? Like it is in your reach to be good with women? A few guys on here have talked about turning it around, and figuring it out. That could be you in time, passing on advice to guys still struggling :)

  • Like 2
SmileFace Established Member

SmileFace

Posted
Posted
Lol, the problem is there is no magic word you can tell girls and suddenly get their interest. Every girl is different. Even the hottest players who think they know what to say go back home empty handed sometimes.

 

Just improve yourself in every way you can and know that even if you do your best, you might lose sometimes though you will win a lot more.

This -- times ten.

  • Like 1
olivec Established Member

olivec

Posted
Posted
After striking out, player complains to his coach.

 

"I don't have enough muscle on me to hit the ball"

 

The coach responds, "Are you watching the ball before you swing?"

 

It's not supposed to be some deep insight. As I said before, myself and a lot of other guys were blaming something and focusing on the wrong area for the problem.

 

For me, it means that there is no point in whining that I'm short and not really good looking. Simply because it's still possible to be successful. They are not the roadblock.

 

Somedude your finally learning my boy. Great insights now put this new found confidence and attitude to work. Ultimately you cant give a **** and worry about it. Hell i lost this girl i was talking/dating for about a month. Yes ofcourse I was pissed off gave her a few more trys nothing worked so i said screw it deleted her number and moved on. You have to have that attitude as dating is a discovery phase .

  • Like 1
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...