mtnbiker Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 I believe I read on here a response to another poster something to this effect. I began to think about this myself. Often, when I am more distant, aloof, less desire to be with and around them, less caring of the outcome and my feelings(like with intended FWB's) they end up liking me and wanting more. I am not disrespectful though. On the opposite side is when I am in a real relationship and want more I tend to be a little suffocating towards them. I am not jealous or argumentative, but I expect too much, care too much and wear my emotions on my sleeve to some degree. This, for the most part, has led to me being heartbroken at some point. So should I act like it is a FWB with my next hopeful real relationship? Any merit to this thought?
JayL Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 I believe I read on here a response to another poster something to this effect. I began to think about this myself. Often, when I am more distant, aloof, less desire to be with and around them, less caring of the outcome and my feelings(like with intended FWB's) they end up liking me and wanting more. I am not disrespectful though. On the opposite side is when I am in a real relationship and want more I tend to be a little suffocating towards them. I am not jealous or argumentative, but I expect too much, care too much and wear my emotions on my sleeve to some degree. This, for the most part, has led to me being heartbroken at some point. So should I act like it is a FWB with my next hopeful real relationship? Any merit to this thought? I'm the same way and I just got f'd over. Just be yourself. If it's the right one, you don't have to pretend. You wouldn't want to wake up each day just to walk on eggshells, do you? 1
zanesfan Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 Being a woman who has dealt with a man that played games, I never want to go through that again. So if I met a guy that is aloof, distant, etc. Im running in the other direction. It always depends on the girl that your interested in. Some women like to be suffocated and some done. Ask her what she prefers and try to adjust accordingly. 1
ascendotum Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 Being a woman who has dealt with a man that played games, I never want to go through that again. So if I met a guy that is aloof, distant, etc. Im running in the other direction. It always depends on the girl that your interested in. Some women like to be suffocated and some done. Ask her what she prefers and try to adjust accordingly. Many women will no doubt agree with you, and while there are many who will say they wont play games they seem to instinctively do. I've found the same as the OP, and as have some of my friends complained of the same thing even though it seems counterintuitive, and it shows up in some PUA literature and I have read a number of posts on LS from other guys saying the same (and a few from women). Acting like the girl is not the priority in your life is not a sure shot recipie for arousing interest in all women, but if a guy finds it works more often than showing he is totally into the girl in the initial stages, well you tend to go with what works.
NoMoreJerks Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 Being a woman who has dealt with a man that played games, I never want to go through that again. So if I met a guy that is aloof, distant, etc. Im running in the other direction. Same here.
ThaWholigan Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 Many women will no doubt agree with you, and while there are many who will say they wont play games they seem to instinctively do. I've found the same as the OP, and as have some of my friends complained of the same thing even though it seems counterintuitive, and it shows up in some PUA literature and I have read a number of posts on LS from other guys saying the same (and a few from women). Acting like the girl is not the priority in your life is not a sure shot recipie for arousing interest in all women, but if a guy finds it works more often than showing he is totally into the girl in the initial stages, well you tend to go with what works. Agree with this - it does work to varying degrees. Obviously you don't treat them like sh*t, but I've noticed that there is a fine line between aloof and clingy. Gotta find that balance . It usually manifests in a way that girls you are actually interested in think you're clingy, while girls you aren't interested in are really into you - sometimes without you even knowing.
xpaperxcutx Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 One thing my relationship has taught me- don't play games. As a person who's been known to be incredibly cruel when it comes to game playing, I have settled into a position where I am just better off being myself. One, I'm more honest as a person and around my boyfriend, I actually can be myself without putting on an act. Two, my boyfriend, likes everything about me even when I can OD on the clingy-ness. When two people like each other enough, they tend to overlook each other's faults.
ascendotum Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 It usually manifests in a way that girls you are actually interested in think you're clingy, while girls you aren't interested in are really into you - sometimes without you even knowing. Yep, this is what myself and some of my friends have found. If a woman is into you, either approach will likely do well. When it comes to a woman that you are really keen on (could well be a bit more attractive than the ones interested in you), then its instinct to be enthusiastic about her, think about her and want to be in her focus as much as possible, especially if she has plenty of options & a busy life. Sometimes it ended up with me likely coming off as clingy trying to get in her life while she is puppy dog like to a guy that treats her as not a priority in his life. Some women will see keeness as a sign that the guy is really into her, but others will see the guy being less caring & aloof as a sign he has options and is of higher value, and there is intrigue about him and a possible desire to win him over.
Author mtnbiker Posted October 15, 2012 Author Posted October 15, 2012 Agree with this - it does work to varying degrees. Obviously you don't treat them like sh*t, but I've noticed that there is a fine line between aloof and clingy. Gotta find that balance . It usually manifests in a way that girls you are actually interested in think you're clingy, while girls you aren't interested in are really into you - sometimes without you even knowing. I agree that I need to find a balance, unfortunately I have not been able to find it yet. I never treat anyone like sh*t, not even FWB. You are right, when I started dating my ex two different FWB's messaged me saying WTF, who is this girl and what about us? I was taken aback.
clia Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 I don't think you need to be aloof or distant, but it's a matter of not getting emotionally invested too early on. That emotional investment is what leads to the behaviors that the person might find to be too needy or clingy. (i.e., too many texts, etc.) You do this by consciously pacing the relationship and not letting your emotions get the better of you. It can be difficult when you really like the person, but it works. I'm not saying you can't wear your heart on your sleeve to some extent, but you don't want to go overboard too quickly.
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