ottavit16 Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 I was trying to think of a short version to this story, but I really can't. I've recently reconnected with my last ex and we've been sleeping together, but she's not totally single. She's been talking to her "the one" off/on ex of the last 3 years, and plans to take him back AGAIN. Part of the reason is that he's never cheated on her... but last week I was told otherwise and I'm not sure what to do. I could either tell her myself, or let the person he cheated on her with do it... but honestly would it really change anything? For those who read this whole story, thanks. I assure you it's quite interesting, dramatic, and sex filled. I've told it so many times I hope it's getting more concise by now. This all started about 2 years ago, the fall of 2010. I was a 26 year old guy in college, and started dating a lovely 18 y/o girl named Suzy, when I left to serve my country in Kuwait for a year. A couple months after I left, Suzy had a new best friend - Jack. They hung out all the time, drank together, and I found out from a friend she'd been staying in his room. She flunked out of school fall semester. She told me all about Jack, and his off and on relationship with his girlfriend Diane. Well, I guess Jack and Diane got back together sometime in the spring semester, and in July 2011 became engaged. When I came home in September, I moved in with Suzy and after about a month I broke up with her. A couple days after the breakup, she went to Jack (and Diane) for comfort and ended up in a threesome with them. Shortly after this, Jack broke up with Diane again, and was sleeping with both Suzy and Diane until the fall semester ended and he moved halfway across the country. I was still sleeping with Suzy until February, when I finally told her that there was no way we were getting back together. Beginning of March, Suzy started officially dating Jack, and planned to move out there. This naturally upset me quite a bit, so I sent a message to Diane (who had moved away from college back home due to stress with Jack mainly) offering her someone to talk to - the enemy of my enemy is my friend. Well, Diane and I hit it off. We started texting every day, then calling, then webcamming, and in a few weeks I went to visit her and we had great passionate sex. Total lust, great chemistry. I couldn't understand why Jack would let a woman like this go. Every couple weeks we would visit each other and more of the same. We were very much falling for each other. The first week of May, Diane came to visit college for a week to see me and her other friends, and we started officially dating. During this week, I made a grave error - one night while having sex, I came inside her without warning. She ended up taking Plan B, which ended up wreaking havoc on her body and she bled for two weeks. After returning home, things quickly deteriorated. Her mother forbid her from seeing me (for other reasons) and a week before I was to visit her, she called me on June 2nd telling me it was over. She cited several reasons, but my disrespect for her with what I did was the main cause. I was devastated, because at this point I was really in the honeymoon stage and everything about her seemed perfect. To me, it was like she went through this hard time and us not being able to see each other killed it. Two days after the breakup, Diane messages me saying that Jack and Suzy broke up the same weekend. Diane and I basically enter "no contact" all summer, and she goes on to date a guy she works with while talking to Jack. She broke up with local guy at the end of the summer, and moved back to college. Her first day back, she called me up to go to dinner with her and her mother. The next day, we went to lunch and were hanging out at my place when some innocent cuddling quickly got sexual, and we did everything but have sex. As time progressed, we started sleeping together again, and she talked to me about Jack. How he is "the one" and she feels guilty about sleeping with me when she wants to be with him. They talk every day via phone/cam (much like her and I used to) and as soon as one goes to visit the other (likely about a month from now) they will get back together. She told Jack what happened between her and myself, and he hates me now. Fine by me, the bastard had no problem moving in on Suzy while I was away. Truth be told, even if I don't end up with her, their relationship is extremely toxic and every single one of her friends and family (AND HIS!!) would love to see them completely out of each other's lives forever. The problem is, she is always hanging onto those "highs" (to include their great sex) and he keeps failing at relationships with other women after they see through his bs. Also, she also protests that despite him always leaving, he has never been unfaithful to her when they were together.So, I had accepted to just have a FWB type relationship with her until they get back together, because once they do Jack will no doubt tell her she can't talk to me anymore. Truth be told, I don't know what I want from her, but I know I like hanging out with her and the sex can really be amazing at times, I am VERY attracted to her. Now here's why I've come to loveshack - I've recently started talking to Suzy again. Suzy is in a new committed relationship, and neither of us wants to get back together, only to be civil and get over the past. Now because Suzy was so close to Jack and Diane I've asked her for "dirt" that Jack had told her behind Diane's back. Now there's a lot of he said/she said nonsense, but last week something really big came up. In August 2011, before I came home, Suzy was readying our apartment together and Jack came to stay with her for a couple weeks. During this time, they slept together several times, both cheating on their respective others. Until now, I never knew that Suzy had cheated on me... and Diane certainly has no idea her "perfect boyfriend" Jack had done so. Suffice to say, Suzy and Diane detest one another, as they both fought over Jack for a long time. Keep in mind, when this happened, it was a month after Jack asked Diane to marry him, the "happiest moment of her life". I'm seriously torn what to do here. I feel like this is something Diane should know... I honestly care about her, but I don't know if it's even my place to tell her. Suzy has offered to tell her, even sent a message to Jack threatening to tell her (Jack still has some of her ****). Diane will likely dismiss it as a lie, and Jack will lie about it happening. I asked Suzy to get some proof, like old emails or facebook messages, or at least other people who can attest to the affair. Right now, Diane and I are getting along great, but the sexlife is unpredictable at best. However at this point, from talking to her and her friends, I don't think there's anything I could do to sway her opinion. Even with proof, anything I would say or do would fall under "shoot the messenger" and I can kiss whatever's going on between her and I goodbye. Partly I want Diane back, partly I wish she was gone and I didn't care anymore, but more than anything I wish he could just let her go. Everyone else in her life believes it would be in her best interest to never speak to him again, because they know all the pain and anguish that he has put her through. Diane told me that Jack's parents split and got back together FOURTEEN TIMES so this off/on **** is normal to him. So I've debated a few things here. Right now, I could tell her myself. I could let Suzy tell her anytime. I could wait until they get back together, and then tell her as her and I wouldn't be talking anymore. Or I could just suck it up, and let it go. Just try to be my awesome self for the next month or two and hope for the best. A lot of her friends and family like me as well. I'm not really seeing anyone else myself, and I'm absolutely infatuated with her again. My only problem with her is this undue devotion she has to Jack. But as her "friend" I have to be supportive of the decisions she makes. I just don't know what I should do.
Chocolat Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 This was waaay too much to read, but based on your first paragraph, it appears that your ex is also cheating, so it sounds as though she and her "the one" are a good fit. And just going on the length of your post alone, which suggests lots of drama, you are right that telling her probably wouldn't change anything. Why are you involved with this situation? I was trying to think of a short version to this story, but I really can't. I've recently reconnected with my last ex and we've been sleeping together, but she's not totally single. She's been talking to her "the one" off/on ex of the last 3 years, and plans to take him back AGAIN. Part of the reason is that he's never cheated on her... but last week I was told otherwise and I'm not sure what to do. I could either tell her myself, or let the person he cheated on her with do it... but honestly would it really change anything?
Author ottavit16 Posted October 16, 2012 Author Posted October 16, 2012 I'm involved in this situation because I've been ****ing her, and she hasn't actually gotten back together with the other guy (distance), just talking at this point. Suffice to say the "FWB" situation is subpar, as she claims she "only wants to be friends" yet situations keep arising where we hook up. As such, I'd like to hook up more often yet she shuts me down a lot. However, I suspect that she's into me as well - I catch her wanting to hang out a lot (daily pretty much), sending me "nothing texts" and I've even caught her calling me "babe" or "baby" a couple times. I like this girl. Hell, that's why I dated her in the first place. Honestly? I'd like to destroy this other guy. Even if I don't get back together with her, I wish she could just be single and free to do what she pleases while she's young and in college. She's constantly beating herself up for hooking up with me (and anyone) because she's "in love" with the other guy. Right now, I'm asking this third party (the girl he cheated on her with) to get evidence and bring it to her. I don't want to be the messenger... and somehow I doubt telling her without evidence would only cause more fighting. I just know how much of a dick this other guy is, but as they say, love is blind.
kae Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 ok so you like her but she doesnt like you enough cuz she is hopeful of the other guy. she is using you for sex and you are getting feelings and now want more so you are digging up dirt but sadly she still doesn t like you enough. if you tell her she wont really care.. she will still like him and most likely forgive him becasue of the distance. be honest with yourself and dont put up with this dynamic. i find it so weird that you know and still want her. what if you do become `the one` will she still have someone else on the side??? probably..
Chocolat Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 I'm involved in this situation because I've been ****ing her, and she hasn't actually gotten back together with the other guy (distance), just talking at this point. Suffice to say the "FWB" situation is subpar, as she claims she "only wants to be friends" yet situations keep arising where we hook up. As such, I'd like to hook up more often yet she shuts me down a lot. However, I suspect that she's into me as well - I catch her wanting to hang out a lot (daily pretty much), sending me "nothing texts" and I've even caught her calling me "babe" or "baby" a couple times. I like this girl. Hell, that's why I dated her in the first place. Honestly? I'd like to destroy this other guy. Even if I don't get back together with her, I wish she could just be single and free to do what she pleases while she's young and in college. She's constantly beating herself up for hooking up with me (and anyone) because she's "in love" with the other guy. Right now, I'm asking this third party (the girl he cheated on her with) to get evidence and bring it to her. I don't want to be the messenger... and somehow I doubt telling her without evidence would only cause more fighting. I just know how much of a dick this other guy is, but as they say, love is blind. Ok, so we have a young woman who is sleeping with guy A while claiming to still be in love with guy B. She's ok with a FWB while she thinks about getting back together with guy B, who she really loves. This isn't the first time she's done this -- she dated guy C over the summar while still maintaining contact with guy B. So it seems that guy B is her drug. Whatever you and everyone else on the planet might think of him, she is not ready to give him up. And frankly, it probably won't matter if you show up with a videotape of guy B cheating. About all you can do is back off. You are not her friend and you are not her bf. And you are not even in a good FWB since you clearly want more and she is incapable of giving it. Maybe, in a few years, she will grow up and recognize that "bad boys" aren't all that much fun. And maybe not.
rocketman122 Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 This was waaay too much to read, yes, and I didnt. saw the whole thing, and said hell no!
Author ottavit16 Posted October 17, 2012 Author Posted October 17, 2012 Thanks for the replies, especially to anyone who read the whole thing. I know it's a lot. So my plan will continue as follows to not say anything. People have told me to cut her out, back off, etc and they're probably right, but as I said love is blind. I'm really not that sure what I want right now. I kind of enjoy the rollercoaster, the mixed signals, and never knowing when the last hookup will be. Take today's events for example. She comes over for lunch around noon today. Hangs out at my apartment until 9pm basically, while throughout the day I'm in an out, even going out to dinner with another girl. At 9, she leaves back to her dorm and cams with Guy B as above poster named. At 1030, she hits me up for a booty call. For the next couple hours, we have the best sex we've had in over 5 months (when we actually dated). For those familiar with BDSM, she said she felt like she was in subspace. It's playing with fire, I know. But damn, why does fire have to be so... hot? By the way, I believe if I really want to get her from guy B, I'd have to do it with amazing sex. Regardless, I'll at least adhere to the advice of not telling her about the cheating.
Author ottavit16 Posted October 30, 2012 Author Posted October 30, 2012 So, interesting sequence of events... For better or worse, I divulge via text to Suzy that I'm ****ing Diane. The message is then forwarded to Guy B, and Diane blows up on me for breaking her trust that I'd keep it a secret. Admits that her and Guy B are about to split. I decide then to tell her about the cheating - this is yesterday. Later that night she sends me a text saying "Newly single :/" then even later calls me and it starts a fight, where she is upset with me for divulging information about our sexlife (definitely my mistake) and says she'll call in a few days or something. I then take a couple hours to get my thoughts together and email her an apology letter. Earlier this evening, a harmless "can I get so and so's number from you" text from me to her turns into her saying "can you bring me my blah blah" "can you pick me up, it's raining" "can I stay at your place"... apparently she got my letter and isn't that upset with me anymore. Of course, this lead to several hours of "fun time", and after her last orgasm she passed out and is currently on my bed From conversation, however, it seems like those two were on the out n out anyways. I'm sure there's a few things to consider here, but I think my timing on talking about the cheating was gold. I'm still wary of how "final" the split really is, but either way now there's a green light for the two of us to continue hooking up. Thanks before everyone for saying to keep my mouth shut. I think it's paid off.
bolase Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 I just have 2 things to add. I don't think you should tell Diane. I don't think that you guys have been very emotionally faithful to each other in any of the couplings because you've always held a candle for the other person (it sounds in your very confusing story, that everyone has anyway). So who cares. I am not judging you for any of the coupling or mixing or friends ex's or sex - just that is sounds all very over dramatic, none of you are *truly* in love, and have emotionally cheated on each other (not you necessarily) so stay right out of any cheating stories. Secondly you said I made a grave error - one night while having sex, I came inside her without warning. She ended up taking Plan B, which ended up wreaking havoc on her body and she bled for two weeks. After returning home, things quickly deteriorated. Her mother forbid her from seeing me (for other reasons) and a week before I was to visit her, she called me on June 2nd telling me it was over. She cited several reasons, but my disrespect for her with what I did was the main cause. I was devastated, because at this point I was really in the honeymoon stage and everything about her seemed perfect. To me, it was like she went through this hard time and us not being able to see each other killed it. Sorry but "grave error" what? you were having sex and you came? craziness. Look, your "disrespect" for her was not disrespect or your fault - if you're adults and you're having sex its completely your join responsibility to protect yourselves from pregnancy EVERY time. Plan B doesn't make you bleed for 2 weeks - no one bleeds (unless it were a period then lighter spotting) for 2 weeks - they would be hospitalized. And to use this as an excuse to break up with you is like...WTF. Good luck. I would say leave this situation and find someone you really care about where drama isn't surrounding you or you will never know your true feelings from the excitement of DRAMA. 1
sweetkiwi Posted October 30, 2012 Posted October 30, 2012 so i read all of it. And either you're 26 or now 28 but either way why are you engaging in such drama with 18 or 20 year olds! This is exhausting me and i'm not even in it. When diane dumps you again, which she will, and tries to get back with jack, tell her he cheated. Or tell her now. But no amount of good sex will keep her with you so be prepared to lose her sooner or later. Stop with the girlfriend swapping! Its obviously not just fun and games, people are getting hurt.
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