Wanderer25 Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 Artie how is your comment relevant I did what I did and I and doing what I need to do to rebuild my relationship I had my affair just short of 2 months some peoples go on for years and affairs with family are common Well I just killed just one man not like i was a serial murder that went on killing so many women and men and so i am much better than most /s Affairs with family are not common you BRAIN DAMAGED WOMAN!! Where do you live ? 1
Author kmr86 Posted October 18, 2012 Author Posted October 18, 2012 How am I brain damaged I meant he was broken as in hurt I respect people have there say. But to put me down more than other people on this site that have had long term affairs how is that fair. I came on here for advice I had a affair I was wrong I admitted that and I admitted that it was wrong people make mistakes and I here all the time of affairs with sister/brother in laws just because it was family doesnt make it any worse or better than someone who had a affair with a stranger People make mistakes and people work through things and forgive thats life it was the worse thing I ever did and because I want to work on my relationship thats bad? If you dont have anything nice to say dont im gonna work on my relationship he can see his family when he wants and if I cant be at family events thats my fault and ill have to live with you can all judge me as much as you want I wanted advice not judgement day
Author kmr86 Posted October 18, 2012 Author Posted October 18, 2012 And if ladies/men cant come on here and speak openly to people who are cheating and have been cheated on to find out the pain and hurt it causes nothing will change
nofool4u Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 How am I brain damaged I meant he was broken as in hurt I respect people have there say. But to put me down more than other people on this site that have had long term affairs how is that fair. Really? You think you are better because your affair "only" lasted 2 months? I think you need to worry less about what level of betrayal you think you are at, and more concerned with the fact that you DID betray him. No ifs, ands or buts. 2 months, a year, 10 years, it doesn't matter. OWN the fact you treated him badly and quit trying to downplay your actions. I came on here for advice I had a affair I was wrong I admitted that and I admitted that it was wrong people make mistakes Cheating isn't a mistake. You did it because you wanted it. Forgetting to put the toilet seat down is a mistake. Accidentally calculating your checkbook balance is a mistake. Cheating is not. and I here all the time of affairs with sister/brother in laws just because it was family doesnt make it any worse or better than someone who had a affair with a stranger Yes, it does. Because not only did you cheat, now you are causing even more pain by involving another family member. Try and act like it isn't a bigger deal than it is all you want. You don't get to make that call. Your bf and his family do. People make mistakes and people work through things and forgive thats life it was the worse thing I ever did and because I want to work on my relationship thats bad? No, wanting to work on a relationship is not bad. But you aren't the one on the crap end of the stick here. Also, there is no working on a relationship as long as you keep trying to convince yourself that what you did wasn't worse than what others have done. Again, you don't get to be the one to make that call. im gonna work on my relationship he can see his family when he wants and if I cant be at family events thats my fault and ill have to live with you can all judge me as much as you want I wanted advice not judgement day You're getting advice, just because you don't like it doesn't make it anything less. If you want to work on your relationship, then fine. IF your bf can forgive you, then once that happens you need to work on forgiveness from his family. But I can tell you, you think you might have it, but you have no clue what they are thinking about you if/when they are around you at a family function. That I can guarantee.
nofool4u Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 And if ladies/men cant come on here and speak openly to people who are cheating and have been cheated on to find out the pain and hurt it causes nothing will change Speak as openly as you want. You are getting a backlash because you are making excuses and trying to justify that what you did, in your mind, isn't as bad as what others have done. Thats like saying just because someone commits one murder, its not as bad as being John Wayne Gacy.
TiredFamilyGuy Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 kmr, You are doing well. Don't mind some of the other posters. Where they are coming from, is seeing lots of stories where a wayward spouse minimizes, makes excuses, and trickle truths. These are all ways of refusing to face the consequences of what they did - and this makes many of us on this board, very irate. But, sometimes we will see such slipperiness when it is not there, and miss the part where the wayward steps up and takes responsibility. You stepped up, you confessed, well done you. Personally keeping NC is good, it does not avoid the issue completely as some are implying. Again, well done and good luck with understanding with your SO, how each of your needs and wishes can best be met, within the relationship, in the future.
nofool4u Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 kmr, You are doing well. Don't mind some of the other posters. Where they are coming from, is seeing lots of stories where a wayward spouse minimizes, makes excuses, and trickle truths. Which is exactly what she is doing.
BetrayedH Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 How's it going, KMR? Any more contact with your BF? Has he said if/when he will come home? He does need his space and time to process this but the sooner he comes home, the sooner you can work on your relationship. Time together builds intimacy; time apart can lead to detachment. I think you should encourage time together (if he is willing to have contact).
Artie Lang Posted October 19, 2012 Posted October 19, 2012 my apologies, kmr86. my sarcasm can get.the best of me at times. well.....more so than people would like. in reading your recent comments you are still minimizing what you've done. as someone already stated, it doesn't matter however many times you "did it," however long it went on for, or who it was with. the fact is that you cheated. i can most certainly bet that your partner doesn't see the "positives" that you have cited regarding your indescretion. i can also bet that he's more upset about "who" it was with, than say a stranger off the street. this is family we're talking about here. nothing will ever be the same again around the whole family unit. this situation hits home for ALL immediate involved. how very awkward.
Author kmr86 Posted October 19, 2012 Author Posted October 19, 2012 I cheated it was bad and stupid done I conferred so my partner am doing no contact what more can I do if I was trying to justify what I did I wouldn't of come here I wouldnt off admitted my affair and I would never of told my partner ill be starting a new post about rebuilding my relationship if any one wants to pop along and post but im not staying on this one to be slated
2long Posted October 22, 2012 Posted October 22, 2012 Hi kmr: I think it's already been pointed out, but it should be obvious that there are more hurtees here than hurters. So the reactions you'll get will seem especially harsh. Try 2 look past that, though. It 2k guts 2 come here and confess your affair, and even more 2 stay here and listen 2 the feedback. I was a BH, but I'm pretty much over that pain long ago now, thankfully. You and everybody else here will get there, 2. It's what you do now that'll determine how successful you are, or when. all the best, -ol' 2long
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