nyyankeegal33 Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 well my current bf I met through okcupid and hes a great guy. very smart, very attractive, funny. I deleted my account once we seriously started dating which was about july. Sometime in august right after I saw him before he went to italy to study abroad, I was looking him up to add him on gmail but when i searched him his okc profile popped up. So I clicked it just to see if it was actually his account. It was and it had said he was online. I was kind of surprised to see that but it never upset me and I trust him so I never brought it up. its october now and i was just curious so i looked it up again and his profile was still there and it had said he was online a few hours ago. I really do trust him but i was just wondering is this something I should bring up next time we talk. I thought I would start the conversation off by saying "did I ever tell you that once we seriously started dating I had deleted my okc account....what about you?" just to see what he says. I'm a pretty mellow and chill gal so I'm not worried or upset about him at all as far as this website I'm just curious as to why hes still going on it.
ja123 Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 It sounds like he's going on it because he's looking to meet other women. How many times a week do you see each other? Have you talked about a future together? Who initiates contact usually?
Ninjainpajamas Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 And you're not concerned because, why? Are you sure you are in a committed relationship or you just assuming so? doesn't sound like you have any real communication about this IF you're not worried nor concerned that your bf has a profile on a dating website, does it even say he's not looking for a relationship? Seems odd that you'd be so nonchalant about your BF being on a dating site while in a relationship with you and then constantly checking his profile, while at the same time studying abroad which he could be using the website to meet women there or otherwise just talk to. Why do you think he's on there? to make pals? because that's what men do? Just doesn't sound like you're in that serious of a relationship, I'm not sure by your demeanor If your not really concerned about that, you just seem way too calm and passive about the whole thing for no good reason...maybe you're just new to it and young of course...I don't think you really understand or realize that he could be talking to other women behind your back. 1
Author nyyankeegal33 Posted October 16, 2012 Author Posted October 16, 2012 well we see each other on skype because hes in Italy until December but wont be back in nyc until january. we talk usually 3 days a week if we are both super busy it like on friday and saturday, He actually calls me on skype as soon as he sees me online and talks to me until 9pm which is like 3am where he is and I thank him for it. We haven't argued at all, he always sends me messages first because I always feel like im bothering him when i message him. he talks about me having the option to move in when he gets an apartment in january, he talks about what we can do when he gets back to nyc, he says hes excited to come back as much as hes enjoying his time there.
Author nyyankeegal33 Posted October 16, 2012 Author Posted October 16, 2012 Are you sure you are in a committed relationship or you just assuming so? doesn't sound like you have any real communication about this IF you're not worried nor concerned that your bf has a profile on a dating website, does it even say he's not looking for a relationship? Seems odd that you'd be so nonchalant about your BF being on a dating site while in a relationship with you and then constantly checking his profile, while at the same time studying abroad which he could be using the website to meet women there or otherwise just talk to. Why do you think he's on there? to make pals? because that's what men do? I haven't said anything about it to him but I'm thinking I will so that's why there has not been any real communication about this and im not worried or concerned I just want to know what hes still going on there for. What I think he's using it for? well im not quite sure...I think he is talking to women on there but maybe telling them hes actually not single and they just talk but i don't know. Also it does not say that he is not looking for a relationship. it does say that hes single.
Shaun-Dro Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 well my current bf I met through okcupid and hes a great guy. very smart, very attractive, funny. I deleted my account once we seriously started dating which was about july. Sometime in august right after I saw him before he went to italy to study abroad, I was looking him up to add him on gmail but when i searched him his okc profile popped up. So I clicked it just to see if it was actually his account. It was and it had said he was online. I was kind of surprised to see that but it never upset me and I trust him so I never brought it up. its october now and i was just curious so i looked it up again and his profile was still there and it had said he was online a few hours ago. I really do trust him but i was just wondering is this something I should bring up next time we talk. I thought I would start the conversation off by saying "did I ever tell you that once we seriously started dating I had deleted my okc account....what about you?" just to see what he says. I'm a pretty mellow and chill gal so I'm not worried or upset about him at all as far as this website I'm just curious as to why hes still going on it. Why does it matter if he deletes it or not? He knows and understands the chance of finding an even better woman out there eventually.
Author nyyankeegal33 Posted October 16, 2012 Author Posted October 16, 2012 constantly checking his profile Since finding it in August I've only checked it 3 times and yesterday was the third time.
Ninjainpajamas Posted October 17, 2012 Posted October 17, 2012 I haven't said anything about it to him but I'm thinking I will so that's why there has not been any real communication about this and im not worried or concerned I just want to know what hes still going on there for. What I think he's using it for? well im not quite sure...I think he is talking to women on there but maybe telling them hes actually not single and they just talk but i don't know. Also it does not say that he is not looking for a relationship. it does say that hes single. Well he's looking for other women to talk to...and not just on how to bake cookies, when most men want to talk to about casual things or other interest they talk with other men not women. He's not up to any good being on a dating site, that's for sure, so you should be alarmed and realize that he's out there at least entertaining the idea of seeing other women...there's no other excuse for it is the reality. And to top it off It says hes single, I'm not really sure what else you need...there's a bomb going off in front of your face and you're hardly blinking...you are unfortunately way too trusting for your own good, regardless of whether he's done something or not, the intent is definitely there.
mario_C Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 Maybe he forgot to delete his profile? Remind him. Hey, I think about 99 percent of the results I come up with, the woman has already got married to some lucky jerk and didn't bother to delete her account.
Author nyyankeegal33 Posted October 18, 2012 Author Posted October 18, 2012 Maybe he forgot to delete his profile? Remind him./QUOTE] That is exactly what I did and he had no problem deleting it. I guess i just needed to speak up about it. We actually cleared up a lot of things I was thinking...he was kind of upset when i told him i wasn't sure if he thought we were in a serious relationship and he said Of course we are. so I just need to speak up more.
Author nyyankeegal33 Posted October 18, 2012 Author Posted October 18, 2012 Maybe he forgot to delete his profile? Remind him. That is exactly what I did and he had no problem deleting it. I guess i just needed to speak up about it. We actually cleared up a lot of things I was thinking...he was kind of upset when i told him i wasn't sure if he thought we were in a serious relationship and he said Of course we are. so I just need to speak up more.
Ninjainpajamas Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 Maybe he forgot to delete his profile? Remind him./QUOTE] Right mario, because the women who've rejected you and didn't get back to you are clearly married,...why didn't I think about that, he must have forgot! god, like that's totally not what she wanted to hear and that's why she believes that. Maybe he accidentally logged online too, poor guy! That is exactly what I did and he had no problem deleting it. I guess i just needed to speak up about it. We actually cleared up a lot of things I was thinking...he was kind of upset when i told him i wasn't sure if he thought we were in a serious relationship and he said Of course we are. so I just need to speak up more. You probably feel like I'm beating a dead horse, but I wasn't born yesterday either and I know men extremely well. So just to add to this, of course a man is going to react in this way when you confront him about something...what do you expect him to say? "Oh yeah yeah I was talking to other women online...was totally seeing who was interested in me and feeding my ego, just seeing what's out there...but you know don't worry about it, I still like you...you're good" Yes you should speak up and communicate but Is this really a no-brainer or not? you're in a relationship with a guy but he has to be told to delete his online profile...riiiiiight, whatever you say. Like I said I'm not sure what he's up to or not, obviously though you have a dating site profile, that states you're single, and yet you're in a relationship aaaand you're logged on not off of it...i mean c'mon really, do you we really not understand what that means? Where's the mystery and confusion here that I'm missing, so what's the explanation you actually settle with that actually makes any sense to yourself? Just keep your eyes open, If there is anything going on there will be more of these consistent blips on the radar, I'm not trying to hurt you believe it or not I just know how men are and I'm actually trying to help you make sure you protect yourself.
veggirl Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 LOL he did not "forget" to delete his profile for months. He was still getting emails from the website, I am sure, so he knew it was there. Plus, did it not say he had logged in the past couple months? He got caught, he probably has a new profile on there now since he was forced to delete his first one.
Recommended Posts