songdog09 Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 I followed very strictly the rules of No contact (NC) with my girlfriend who broke up with me early last month. I was very hurt when she broke up with me and NC has NOT been easy for me but I have followed the rules! Most of the sites that discuss NC said that many women contact their ex boyfriends within the first 3 to 4 weeks. Well, exactly 4 weeks after our break up I started getting text messages and pictures of her and of her children (who I had become close to while we dated.) So I got a message tonight that was nothing more than a booty call. I texted her back feeling pretty insulted because I hadn't responded to any of her texts up to that point AND considering that when we dated, I was always the more interested of the two of us. In fact I had really fallen in love with her. So to get a booty call at this point, I felt that she was not using her best judgement as a human being (and that is very charitably said). In response tonight I texted her back, trying to remain classy, and trying not to let her know that I was hurt by this booty call, I simply said, "No _________, I don't think so." Her response really baffled me. She said, "Well I am really glad that you responded that way. You are such a good friend! I honestly wanted to see what you would say or do and I am really not surprised at all!! You really are a nice guy! I told her I had to be at work early in the morning and Good night. I just left it at that. ***HERE IS MY QUESTION: There is plenty online about No Contact (NC) but I don't see a lot about what to do when it starts to work in one way or another and how to respond when your ex responds to NC in different ways, like a booty call. I guess I am at least hearing from my ex after a perod of NC and now I know there is some kind of interest. I have worked on myself over the past 5 weeks, I know what part I played in making her want to break up with me, but what do I do now??!!?? My gut tells me to basically keep doing what I am doing until she comes to me and says she wants to be with me again (and maybe she never will, and I am very prepared for the worst case scenario). But what should I do now? How do I handle things from here? Can I parlay this failed "booty call" on her part into a meeting or do I wait until she begs for me to come back. I also don't like the fact that she said that I am a "good friend". I have NOT been a friend at all to her over these past several weeks. I think she was just covering her hurt pride because I responded with a "No". Any thoughts about that and all of this?
GLDheart Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 NO contact means you don't respond. Saying nothing is the loudest message you can send.
Tiera D Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 next step : go back to NC see what she will text you next,trust me she will text you again,play it cool somemore times or see what it leads to.or u could ignore her permanently ur choice TD
geegirl Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 I guess I am at least hearing from my ex after a perod of NC and now I know there is some kind of interest. This is sad. Any attention is good attention, right? Interest? A text requesting for a booty call is some kind of interest? Where are your standards? No expectations for yourself? It's not "interest" you should even conntemplate analysing or pondering over. Then out of embarassment and rejection she quickly turns it around and pretends as if she was testing you? If this is the way she tries to resume contact with you, you best stay NC because you can dismiss this as nothing but a need to satisfy a sexual fix. Until she comes back to you with anything in the realm of, "I'm sorry we ended our relationship. Losing you was the worst thing I have ever experienced and I want us to work on a relationship again," I would suggest you keep NC. Aim higher. 1
KatZee Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 (edited) You're not using NC correctly. NC is used for dumpees (and sometimes dumpers) to move on. It's used to heal, to be disconnected from the hurt their dumpers caused. It is NOT supposed to be used for "getting an ex back." Because you're playing this game I'm giving you fair warning that it will blow up in your face in due time. The only thing you're successfully doing is manipulating and controlling her into being with you. Essentially you thought you'd "punish" her because she dumped you. You're using any lingering emotional connection between you two against her, and that's what you see is "working." She may feel that you were ripped away too quickly, and any contact she's having with you isn't true. It's not because she loves you and wants you back so bad. It's because she's missing the comfortable connection you guys had. At three weeks post break up, NOTHING HAS CHANGED. You haven't gone through any drastic transformation and neither has she. You haven't done one thing to better yourself or change your life since the split. You're essentially checking boxes on the calendar waiting for a response from her. Since neither of you has changed if you DO get back together, you will find yourselves splitting again very soon thereafter. This "booty call" text was nothing more than breadcrumbs. There is plenty of info about those on this site. She's not professing her love for you, she's trying to see if you're still attached to her leash, and you are. You responded. What you do next is simple. YOU IGNORE the texts. You do not respond. That is what NC is. If you want to take it a step further, YOU DELETE AND BLOCK her number. This way you don't get these pathetic attempts at communication. Edited October 15, 2012 by KatZee
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