Nancy B Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 Okay, I have met a really hot, funny, cool guy. We have seen each other many times since meeting a week ago. He has told me and his friends that he is really into me. But, I was told that he is a womanizer and has done some shady things with ladies in the past. We talked it out and he didn't deny it but said he feels differently for me. I told him I trusted him and it wasn't my place to hold his past against him. On our date last night I felt distracted and really self conscious. I made a few jokes in relation to his past which he laughed off. I feel like I'm sabotaging this relationship before it gets serious and I want to stop. Even before this past stuff came up I over think every text and am constantly worried he will lose interest. I feel it be easier to end it before getting hurt by his possible future disinterest or behavior. Can anyone offer good advice for this before I am left with a lot of regrets?
CptObvious Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 You're going to get hurt if you treat this as anything more than a casual relationship. Why can't you just enjoy what you have right now? We all know you're not going to be able to marry this guy, have 10 kids, and live happily ever after. Hell, it's probably not going to last more than a few months. Just chill out and relax, and let the ride expire gracefully. If miracles happen, that's great, but don't expect it or force it to happen. How many more of these top notch guys are you going to get to be with? 1? Maybe 2 more until you're too old to have this kind of fun anymore? Don't **** up your life like this.
Million.to.1 Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 if he is a player type, he will lose interest eventually. they always do. As soon as you're a sure thing, he interest decreases. There is nothing you can really do except try and elongate the game as long as possible. he feels "differently" about you... HA! yeah, sure he does now... the thing is, these player types are so unconscious, they never really ever examine how transparent they are. They think they want something and feel heightened interest, but then after the chase, it dissipates. they are never alone long enough to have examined their own behaviour so will just keep doing the same thing over and over because it's easy.
ja123 Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 How old is this guy? And how old are you? And what shady type of things did he do? Was he a swinger or something? And how did you find out he did these shady things?
Ninjainpajamas Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 But, I was told that he is a womanizer and has done some shady things with ladies in the past. We talked it out and he didn't deny it but said he feels differently for me. I told him I trusted him and it wasn't my place to hold his past against him. Ha, I can guarantee you that you won't be the first and the last to hear that line. It's unfortunate that women so persistently feel they are the exception to the rule or that they are "special" enough to change or love a man, as If the last girl he felt different about or did something wrong but you'll be the one to turn this guy into a committed man...even If he's done it so much he's developed a reputation. His answer was the wrong kind, it was completely scripted. A man doesn't change for a woman, he changes for himself...because he wants to. If the guy develops a reputation for people to notice however, then there's a reason for it and that should basically be taken as fact. It would take him years to change his behavior and his behavior guess what? would be different...I've never seen a womanize wake up one day a brand new and changed man overnight. What do you think all these women think when they get with this "hot guy"....god forbid he be funny and have a spit of personality, oh man can't let him go now!...It'll be fun for a little while then he'll resort slowly back into his ways and then you'll be blindsided because you'll likely think some simple conversation means everything is ok and afterall he hasn't done anything wrong to you yet right?......yet. You give him your trust so easily, and yet even with the fortune of having a big swooping red flag in front of your face, his hotness and your desire to have a relationship blinds you to the reality...don't think you think a "womanizer" knows what do and how to say the right things? wouldn't be much of a womanizer IF he didn't now would he? he has to be able to handle these kinds of situation and questions with ease, plus he's probably chuckling to himself when you said "I'll trust you jack...I'll never let go" - Rose...I mean, you're just not really using your head right now, It's the only explanation of why you'd basically be willing to hang yourself with this guy, might as well put the noose around your neck...but don't expect a man to become something he is not, I've seen women waste years and years of their lives and love trying. 3
danny in van Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 I am what some call a player...but when I meet certain rare quality types I become completely monogomous. And no I haven't been the one to end things cuz i got bored or distracted etc...they ended it for various reasons. The ones so certain it won't work for you like to convince themselves and anyone else (girls that is) that all players are 'bad' etc cuz a) they're jealous cuz they're left with the crumbs and b) they are trying to do a world wide campaign to stop girls liking these guys. Futile but they soldier on in their campaign.
ScreamingTrees Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 Doesn't sound like anything close to perfect to me..
yongyong Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 Why a guy like that should date you? are you at the same level? If so, then why are you worried? if he didn't have all these characters, would you still like him? You want a guy who has everything in & out and plus you want loyalty from him? Okay, I have met a really hot, funny, cool guy.
Author Nancy B Posted October 16, 2012 Author Posted October 16, 2012 Thanks for all the responses. I agree and disagree with many parts, and will take some advice into consideration. Maybe I should've explained the situation better. He was engaged to his girlfriend and that relationship ended five years ago. Ever since he has slept around A LOT and only had casual relationships. He told me he hasn't like anyone as much as me since his ex. A mutual friend told me about his history. I think it's wrong to hold someones past behavior against them. But can see why many people would see him as a red flag. I'm happy to hear that a player type on here thinks that its possible for a player to become monogamous when he meets the right girl. I guess I'll see how the next date goes and take it from there.
yongyong Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 This You are filtering all the information. You didn't even have to write this since you were going to choose what you wanted to hear anyways. He seems like out of your league. you can date someone at upper level but you seem like you are lacking confidence a lot. I can see what's going to happen but you can update after few months to prove you were right anyways good luck I think it's wrong to hold someones past behavior against them. But can see why many people would see him as a red flag. I'm happy to hear that a player type on here thinks that its possible for a player to become monogamous when he meets the right girl. I guess I'll see how the next date goes and take it from there.
Author Nancy B Posted October 16, 2012 Author Posted October 16, 2012 He's not out of my league. And I haven't decided anything yet. And I have appreciated much of the opinions. Just looking for advice from people with experience in this area, which it seems you don't yong-yong.
ScreamingTrees Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 I'm happy to hear that a player type on here thinks that its possible for a player to become monogamous when he meets the right girl. I guess I'll see how the next date goes and take it from there. Sounds like two wolves in sheep's clothing trying to vouch for each other.. Go for it, it's a risk you'll have to be willing to take. Just know that it doesn't sound good. You're not the first to make a thread about something that inevitably goes wrong, you certainly won't be the last.
Author Nancy B Posted October 16, 2012 Author Posted October 16, 2012 True. I may cut my losses now. Thanks for the input!
ScreamingTrees Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 True. I may cut my losses now. Thanks for the input! Approach with caution, at the least. 1
threebyfate Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 Nancy B, you know the old adage of "where there's smoke, there's fire"? If a mutual friend had to tell you, where he wasn't open about his past, those smoke signals are ever rising and growing larger. There are plenty of hot, funny and cool guys who aren't players. This one smells like a player since he's concealed his past and then, pulls the line "But I like you more than any other girls". Oil slick time. 2
ascendotum Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 I think it's wrong to hold someones past behavior against them. But can see why many people would see him as a red flag. I'm happy to hear that a player type on here thinks that its possible for a player to become monogamous when he meets the right girl. I guess I'll see how the next date goes and take it from there. As others have repeated here on LS, past is a good indicator of current + future behaviour, but its not definite by any means, just a good indicator of their character. As for playa becoming monogamous when he meets the right girl....absolutely, the question is, is the right girl one of the current ones he is dating or is it some x number girl in the future. Even then some playas I know don't always spin multiple girls at the same time or rampantly cheat. They are often monogamous, they just bounce from short term girl to short term girl. You wont know unless you become his gf, just as long as you don't have the blinkers on.
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