LostInADream84 Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 Just venting... I obviously can't say things were perfect our entire relationship, but who can? We fell for each other hard and quick.. Moved in together after 3 months. Can't say I regret anything. But as soon as we moved in things got "weird" and I started getting suspicious. Back in July I had a "hunch" and checked his phone. First flag right there- I shouldnt be checking his phone. But I did and I found a disturbing text from "Courtney" whom I have never heard of. The text was sexual content.. So I called him out on it. At first he lied and said it was just a hostess from work having issues with her bf. but I didn't let down so he finally came clean about the "website". He blamed his "low t" and said he read online that joining sites to just "talk" was a way to cope with his "low t". Needless to say everything was right in front of my face, he was on multiple dating web sites, going back to when we first moved in together.. I had kicked him out in July but I was also weak back then and when he begged for a second chance, I decided to give him one.. First time in my life I've given someone a second chance. Well today was our one year anniversary. I again checked his emails today and noticed that he signed up for the same site I caught him on back in July. He denied everything but when you have an email confirming you reset your password, it's kind of hard to lie about that. Of course he did and says he has no idea how that got there. Ironic part is, he signed up this past Thursday, the same day that I started babysitting two kids at THEIR house for the week. So how knows if he had anyone back at my place. I kicked him out, again. But this time I am done. Beyond done... I shouldn't be checking anyone's phone, and I should have just listened to my gut.. But I ignored it. Thankfully my eyes are wide open now and I am strong this time around. Especially after all the hurtful things he said to me tonight. Trying to turn it all around on me. I deserve so much better! 1
Leigh 87 Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 Well done for being strong. You do deserve better, and you would be amazed at how many women put up with guys who are unworthy of them. SO many women do it, so thenk god for women like you who are strong enough to walk away. He wither has serious issues committing to girls he truly loves, and would have done the same thing to ANY girl, or He really liked you, but you..lacked a spark or an element of love, and instead of breaking up with u, he stayed with you because he genuinely loved being around you; just was not totally in love enough for a long term future. Plenty of men can really, really like a girl, and feel a strong sense of lust when they first meet! That is chemistry. Your sexual energy, combined with the ability to get along and feel good around each other. It is not love at all, I doubt, just a strong feeling two people can get about each other. As I said: lots of men can really, really like a girl and think very highly of them, and love the sex, and yet it is just not the "right girl" for them. It is hard, because the guy can really like you a great deal! So they do not want to break up. In fact, I am sure they do not understand what is even going on a lot of the time! Lastly, another factor could have been that you were in love, but things changed and you grew apart, because you did not communicate well enough about how you could save the relationship. Those are all my theories, but I tend not to believe the third one as much, because I think that love takes more than one year to die. SO as I said; he either did not love you to begin with, because your just not right for each other, or he loves you and has major issues where he is too selfish to committ to ANY women. Either way, you have done the right thing. If he is that committed to you and really does love you, he would get professional help so he could learn to be with you without betraying the person he cares about the most. And by the time he got around to "getting help" it would be too late; you would have moved on. I am very sorry for your loss, and wish you the best in finding a guy who is deserving of you. I wish more women knew that if they put up with sh*t from men, the men will not respect them, and will learn that treating women like that is okay. 1
Author LostInADream84 Posted October 16, 2012 Author Posted October 16, 2012 (edited) Hello, and thank you for your words. From the things I've learned, he was on sites and different "apps" on his phone even before me. He was in a 3 year relationship before me, and was doing it then as well. I tried everything in my power to make things sexy and spice things up so that we wouldn't stray. One night I even lit candles all over the living room and sat waiting for him in sexy heels and his tie. But still that wasn't enough. He also seemed to lie about anything from whether he went to the bank to make a deposit or cleaning the cat litter while I was away.. So regardless I couldn't trust him. I'll always love him. We had many great times but after all the stress and anxiety I've been going through it wasn't fair (to either one of us) to continue the relationship. Also he refused to go for help, insisting that he had no issues to deal with, they were over and in the last.. Until last night when I saw that it's not over with. Edited October 16, 2012 by LostInADream84 Add words
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