Can't stop hoping... A short true love story.

[Idive]

Hello all. This is the first time I've done something like this. I need to vent and being a guy, I don't have great sources for this sort of thing. So maybe an anonymous crowd can be my shoulder.

 

I spent more than a decade in a loveless marriage. I tried to keep it together, mostly for the kids, but it ended a couple years ago. It was kind of a relief, in many ways, and I dove into the dating scene, mostly through online sites, since I am not a native to my current home town. It was kind of fun, but I'm not a player personality. I'm looking for a real relationship. No one really fit for a long time.

 

Then I met a woman who amazed me. It started out nice, not too fast. What got me is, right from the beginning, we had the most amazing conversations! I'm very philosophical, and not only could she keep up, she challenged me, inspired me. We love doing a lot of the same things, active people. The sex, when that started, was the most amazing of my life, and she said the same. We connected on every level. We talked about the importance of communication and came up with novel new ways to overcome issues with communication. We have similar wants in life.

 

We dated joyously for over four months. Then she told me she loved me. That was six weeks ago. I told her then that I was feeling the same, but that I was holding off saying it, because I feel no need to rush with us. It was so right, I felt I would be telling her for the rest of my life. I felt totally loved, and every day I saw her, she looked more beautiful to me.

 

Three weeks later, I start to feel something is wrong. She says I am really tuned into her. We have a talk and she says that sometimes she gets into her own head and she started freaking out about how involved we have become, where it is leading, her fears of her life changing. But that when she thought about it, she realized things always change. After the talk, she said she felt better, but I'm not sure. We had a great night, a mini-vacation. I decided I am all in, not holding back anymore. Ask her if she is ok with posting our relationship status on FB, and she says she is.

 

A few days later, my ex tells my kids she has a boyfriend and I've got a girlfriend. I had been keeping that separate from my kids, because I want to avoid bringing a string of women through their lives. They meet her boyfriend and say that they want to meet my girlfriend. At this point, I'm thinking that the time is ok. My kids are ok with it, and I really think this is a long term relationship.

 

I suggest it to my girlfriend. She seems a little unsure. For one, she asks if my desire to do this is in some competition with my ex. It had occurred to me that it could look that way, but all it really comes down to is that I feel liberated to open up to the world about us. Even my kids.

 

I think this is where things turned. I can feel something is wrong. We have some more dates, good ones. She meets some of my friends she hadn't met yet. Tells them we have to do this more often. They comment on how she finishes my sentences, how great we are together.

 

We have another weekend together. Dinner dates and games with friends of hers. Two nights sleeping over. First time we didn't have sex since we started that. She notices I am concerned, can tell something is wrong. She tells me we are just fine, she is just really distracted. Has a big camping trip coming up with girlfriends and she has to plan it. I am really feeling something is wrong.

 

The next week, she is too busy to see me at all. Communications are way down. I back off a little. We usually text each other several times a day. She sends me the first text of the day at night, says that she was busy and has a lot on her mind, sorting things out and not in a good place to talk to me right now. We'll talk when she gets back from her camping trip. That is a long, horrible week. Very little sleeping or eating.

 

A week ago she comes over. We hug, she has trouble looking me in the eye. Can't say where to start. I ask her how we went from being so in love to this. She says she absolutely felt that, says she can honestly say there is nothing about me that is wrong. But the last couple weeks she has not "been in" this relationship. Has been thinking of the future, thinks our lifestyles are too different, we are too different. That's all she can come up with.

 

I don't push her. I can't stop the tears from coming in front of her, but I tell her I think that this is a big mistake, and if she changes her mind, to drop me a line. We have a long, hard hug. She leaves.

 

This has been the longest week of my life. I don't contact her. The only thing I did was write her a letter with what I think of a book she asked me to read, because it's one of her favorites and she had wanted to talk to me about it. She knew it would speak to me. It did. I include the book and letter with some things she left here, as well as a pair of earring she had said she liked, that I was holding for a later gift. And that is it. Her mother works at the same company that I do, so I give the stuff to her to return. Her mother, like all my friends, is shocked, can't understand it. Says she was so incredibly in love with me. Says her daughter is scared, but she isn't sure why. But she can't believe we are over.

 

I can't believe that, either. It is everything I can do to avoid going to see her. I am crushingly lost. But I know that if there is any chance of us coming together again, I have to give her space. But while the hope is good, because our relationship was something incredible, and I think we are perfect for each other, soul mates even, it is so painful to hope. And especially since I can't know if it is all in my head, or we really are meant to be.

[olivec]

I feel your pain man as i've been where your at on more than one occasion. I'm also in my 30's so i know how frustratingf it can be because your not looking for a fling you want a relationship. I had this awesome girl I was dating for a month and things were going great until last week when she just changed and it was over. I tryed contacting her few times and got nothing. So you know what you just drop it and let her go man.Thats what i had to do and your gunna have to do the same. Trust me it sucks soo bad because you think you had a great connection physically and mentally. Ofcourse its gunna sting for awhile, however you cant dwell on it and think you did anything wrong. Ultimately she decided somewhere along the way to mentally and now physically check out of the relationship. You dont need her man. Just think this way say you guys got married. It would only be a matter of time after the wedding say a few years and she be asking for a divorce. I know its hard but she did ya a favour. Thats how i look at my current situation even though at first I felt the same way you did. Its gunna take time but you will recover from this. Just stay strong and NO Contact!

[thembones]

I can't believe that, either. It is everything I can do to avoid going to see her. I am crushingly lost. But I know that if there is any chance of us coming together again, I have to give her space. But while the hope is good, because our relationship was something incredible, and I think we are perfect for each other, soul mates even, it is so painful to hope. And especially since I can't know if it is all in my head, or we really are meant to be.

 

Nobody on my side could believe she left me, after talking about marriage and kids for so long. She and her family, they seemingly had it plotted. And they look at me like a jerk-off when I am moving all of my ex's stuff, while they sit on their fat-asses. I am 2 1/2 months out and it does get easier.

 

We, as well, were perfect for each other and though each's soul mates. You can't know if it is in your head or it is meant to me. Trust me, I have tried to rationalize everything, but failed every time. If it is meant to be, it will be. Just work on space and not contacting her. I almost contacted her tonight, but I ended up not. If you do want to maybe get back together, space is necessary I would say. I don't hope think mine would want to return any time soon and that is very very hard to swallow.

[ParadeRain]

Wow.. mate..

 

I don't know what to say..

 

I know the hurt that women can cause as I've loved and lost for the first time recently...

 

So I understand how much you're hurting right now I'm typing this with a screwface because boyyyy do I know how you're feeling, my relationship was bad so it was written to fail, I'm young and unequipped for love...

 

But you've lived longer and found an amazing relationship with nothing missing... to lose that I can only imagine the extent of how crushed you really are...

 

 

Why do they do this to us men?

 

I want to tell you that she is not the entire world and that you can move on and still be happy... find somebody even better...

 

But I'm not even sure if that is true or not, because it sounds like you reached the pinnacle with this one, so I won't lie and pretend that I know... maybe this one is the one you should be fighting for with all you can.

[Idive]

Wow.. mate..

 

I want to tell you that she is not the entire world and that you can move on and still be happy... find somebody even better...

 

But I'm not even sure if that is true or not, because it sounds like you reached the pinnacle with this one, so I won't lie and pretend that I know... maybe this one is the one you should be fighting for with all you can.

 

 

Yeah, that's how I feel. The pinnacle. I've dated enough to know that something like this is very rare. I may find someone else, but what are the odds of finding someone like this?

 

I have to hold myself back, I know it's the only way there is a chance. And I am sick to my stomach, literally, daily. I hate to go to sleep because I don't want to face a new day knowing I won't get that "G'morning!" text from her. I want to force myself to get out and date just to get her off my mind, but I can't bear the thought, and I don't think my current demeanor would be too attractive.

 

Crap.

 

(Weird, no female perspectives on this?)

Edited October 15, 2012 by Idive

[Idive]

One of my female friends said I should get in there and fight for her, and not wait too long. Said that is what some women want.

 

I'm hesitant to break the NC thing, but thinking I might buy her an online song that was important to us, that she would ask me to sing to her. Just buy it, send it, but no other message. Do it on our "anniversary". But that puts it at about 2 1/2 weeks from the day she dumped me. Something to make her think of what we had, let her know I still want her. Maybe wait until a month after...

[ParadeRain]

One of my female friends said I should get in there and fight for her, and not wait too long. Said that is what some women want.

 

I'm hesitant to break the NC thing, but thinking I might buy her an online song that was important to us, that she would ask me to sing to her. Just buy it, send it, but no other message. Do it on our "anniversary". But that puts it at about 2 1/2 weeks from the day she dumped me. Something to make her think of what we had, let her know I still want her. Maybe wait until a month after...

 

Hold back in gifts and gestures like that,

 

Call her now, tell her you're missing her... not in a pussy or desperate way, just be genuine, ask to meet up and talk, find out why she is doing this, remind her of what she's walking away from...

 

To my knowledge, this is how women work, she won't come back to you if she doesn't want you anymore... so let her know that you love her and if she loves you then you want her back... if she doesn't come back then it's over buddy.

 

There's only so much you can do without pushing her away even further.. but I know you're already aware of that... so in reality there's only so much you can do all in all, and I think that's just to let her know the thing's I've said here... if that doesn't work then it's all about accepting it and going through the crushing months of being heartbroken... to my knowledge...

Edited October 15, 2012 by ParadeRain

[Idive]

Hold back in gifts and gestures like that,

 

Call her now, tell her you're missing her... not in a pussy or desperate way, just be genuine, ask to meet up and talk, find out why she is doing this, remind her of what she's walking away from...

 

To my knowledge, this is how women work, she won't come back to you if she doesn't want you anymore... so let her know that you love her and if she loves you then you want her back... if she doesn't come back then it's over buddy.

 

There's only so much you can do without pushing her away even further.. but I know you're already aware of that... so in reality there's only so much you can do all in all, and I think that's just to let her know the thing's I've said here... if that doesn't work then it's all about accepting it and going through the crushing months of being heartbroken... to my knowledge...

 

 

Thanks, though I think I am going to wait a little longer. Give her at least 2 or 3 weeks, maybe a month to hopefully miss me. Then try to talk to her.

 

Ugh, this is soul crushingly painful.

Edited October 15, 2012 by Idive

[todreaminblue]

Hello all. This is the first time I've done something like this. I need to vent and being a guy, I don't have great sources for this sort of thing. So maybe an anonymous crowd can be my shoulder.

 

I spent more than a decade in a loveless marriage. I tried to keep it together, mostly for the kids, but it ended a couple years ago. It was kind of a relief, in many ways, and I dove into the dating scene, mostly through online sites, since I am not a native to my current home town. It was kind of fun, but I'm not a player personality. I'm looking for a real relationship. No one really fit for a long time.

 

Then I met a woman who amazed me. It started out nice, not too fast. What got me is, right from the beginning, we had the most amazing conversations! I'm very philosophical, and not only could she keep up, she challenged me, inspired me. We love doing a lot of the same things, active people. The sex, when that started, was the most amazing of my life, and she said the same. We connected on every level. We talked about the importance of communication and came up with novel new ways to overcome issues with communication. We have similar wants in life.

 

We dated joyously for over four months. Then she told me she loved me. That was six weeks ago. I told her then that I was feeling the same, but that I was holding off saying it, because I feel no need to rush with us. It was so right, I felt I would be telling her for the rest of my life. I felt totally loved, and every day I saw her, she looked more beautiful to me.

 

Three weeks later, I start to feel something is wrong. She says I am really tuned into her. We have a talk and she says that sometimes she gets into her own head and she started freaking out about how involved we have become, where it is leading, her fears of her life changing. But that when she thought about it, she realized things always change. After the talk, she said she felt better, but I'm not sure. We had a great night, a mini-vacation. I decided I am all in, not holding back anymore. Ask her if she is ok with posting our relationship status on FB, and she says she is.

 

A few days later, my ex tells my kids she has a boyfriend and I've got a girlfriend. I had been keeping that separate from my kids, because I want to avoid bringing a string of women through their lives. They meet her boyfriend and say that they want to meet my girlfriend. At this point, I'm thinking that the time is ok. My kids are ok with it, and I really think this is a long term relationship.

 

I suggest it to my girlfriend. She seems a little unsure. For one, she asks if my desire to do this is in some competition with my ex. It had occurred to me that it could look that way, but all it really comes down to is that I feel liberated to open up to the world about us. Even my kids.

 

I think this is where things turned. I can feel something is wrong. We have some more dates, good ones. She meets some of my friends she hadn't met yet. Tells them we have to do this more often. They comment on how she finishes my sentences, how great we are together.

 

We have another weekend together. Dinner dates and games with friends of hers. Two nights sleeping over. First time we didn't have sex since we started that. She notices I am concerned, can tell something is wrong. She tells me we are just fine, she is just really distracted. Has a big camping trip coming up with girlfriends and she has to plan it. I am really feeling something is wrong.

 

The next week, she is too busy to see me at all. Communications are way down. I back off a little. We usually text each other several times a day. She sends me the first text of the day at night, says that she was busy and has a lot on her mind, sorting things out and not in a good place to talk to me right now. We'll talk when she gets back from her camping trip. That is a long, horrible week. Very little sleeping or eating.

 

A week ago she comes over. We hug, she has trouble looking me in the eye. Can't say where to start. I ask her how we went from being so in love to this. She says she absolutely felt that, says she can honestly say there is nothing about me that is wrong. But the last couple weeks she has not "been in" this relationship. Has been thinking of the future, thinks our lifestyles are too different, we are too different. That's all she can come up with.

 

I don't push her. I can't stop the tears from coming in front of her, but I tell her I think that this is a big mistake, and if she changes her mind, to drop me a line. We have a long, hard hug. She leaves.

 

This has been the longest week of my life. I don't contact her. The only thing I did was write her a letter with what I think of a book she asked me to read, because it's one of her favorites and she had wanted to talk to me about it. She knew it would speak to me. It did. I include the book and letter with some things she left here, as well as a pair of earring she had said she liked, that I was holding for a later gift. And that is it. Her mother works at the same company that I do, so I give the stuff to her to return. Her mother, like all my friends, is shocked, can't understand it. Says she was so incredibly in love with me. Says her daughter is scared, but she isn't sure why. But she can't believe we are over.

 

I can't believe that, either. It is everything I can do to avoid going to see her. I am crushingly lost. But I know that if there is any chance of us coming together again, I have to give her space. But while the hope is good, because our relationship was something incredible, and I think we are perfect for each other, soul mates even, it is so painful to hope. And especially since I can't know if it is all in my head, or we really are meant to be.

 

No one on here can say why your girlfriend was scared.....except for your girlfriend....Hope can be painful to deal with because while you have hope there is always doubt......they go hand in hand.....it depends on what is stronger......i have ion the past been a runner in a relationship i have let good guys go......i have always been honest about the reasons and left nothing to the imagination or confusion i didn't or wouldn't do it....no matter hwo difficult that conversation would be i would still give closure.I am hard work and putting someone through being with me is something i balk at because i go through some pretty rough days........potential partners families are important to me and if i feel that i could cause problems that can make me run....i refuse to split up a family even if feel strongly for someone....if they dont have family support being with me would be too hard......

 

 

crying in front of your girlfriend was not bad....i never thought badly when a guy cried in front of me...i think it actually shows strength to show emotion...its freakin hard if you are climatised not too...and men are climatised not to show emotion as it shows weakness....its brain washing....i myself have been there and still am to a certain degree i feel weak when i show emotion........i am trying to change that ...so i know how you feel.I think my step father wanted a son eh therefore veoted my emtions tears in particular, so emotion and i have issues......if the mum told you the daughter does love you she probably does....i cant give you any answer why she runs scared......i have hurt good guys i know......i hurt myself more by leaving than they would know....in saying this....i have changed i would not run....i would try as hard as i could..... a little too late maybe who knows.......i do know i need a guy who has strength of character .......to see through my avoidance......and stick around through the rough days........an alpha who is not afraid to cry....or to show emotion or to tell me what he really feels and own a really good pair of nikes.......seriously though i dont expect that from a guy its too much to ask for.......hard work see.....i hope that your girlfriend hangs up her nikes and comes back to you and at least if anything gives you some closure...you have been honourable and respectful from what you have posted that is more than a running scared female can ask for ...stay strong....and if you feel like crying cry........its actually an apha trait shows strength to express emotion......stuff what others think.....how brave is that??????....stay brave....hugs to ya.....deb

Edited October 15, 2012 by todreaminblue

[Idive]

Thanks, todreaminblue.

 

Like I said in another thread, I'd rather fight and lose, than give up and wonder the rest of my life.

 

It's hard, but I can take it. Just have to figure out the best way to go forward.

[JayL]

I'm only in my mid 20's and I don't have as much experience as most of you married or formerly married people do, but I have had my fair share of women that are afraid of long-term commitment.

 

The last woman I was with was amazing, her and I were an almost perfect couple. The problem came when things got more serious, when I met her family and her family started "joking" about getting married etc.

 

She's at the point in her life where she knows what she wants and is working on what she wants in the future, but the "idea" of being committed to someone in the future seemed to have scared her away.

 

She also admitted to me that she was only 50% into our relationship a week after I met her family. I asked why, she did not know exactly either. All she said was she knew she wanted to be with me, but could not find that connection. Perhaps, it's the connection of me and her being together in the future.

 

Some women really want their freedom, but wants a "companion". Once you start going past that "companionship" line, they tend to freak out and things start messing with their mind, which causes them to lose interest and run away.

 

I may be younger, but my advice would be to message her, call her, ask to meet up, talk things out, tell her what you want and pour your heart it. If she's on the same page, give it a go and see if you can make things work, if not, it's time to let go and find a woman who wants the same things as you, not only in the present, but also in the future.

[pteromom]

SOMETHING is going on with her.

 

It could be something to do with you (she saw a red flag that reminded her of a past failed relationship; she feels you are clingy; you said/did something that really turned her off you).

 

It could be something to do with her (she's communicating with an ex and is confused; she is freaking out and doesn't feel ready for an intense love relationship; one of her kids said something that made her feel guilty about being in another relationship; she is dealing with depression or some other personal issue).

 

Only she knows.

 

You can try to talk to her again. Tell her that you want the whole story of what is happening with her and why she no longer wants to see you. But you may not get an answer. You have nothing to lose by trying though.

 

From my point of view, I get a slightly insecure vibe from you. You sleep over and don't have sex one time, and you are thinking something is wrong. Is it possible nothing was wrong at that point, and she really WAS distracted, and you made a bigger issue out of it than it was? If so, yes, that could make a woman run away.

[mammasita]

That last thing I would want to hear if I were her would be guilt, begging, crying...etc. I agree with what has been said that you can talk to her and tell her how you feel without desperation. That's the key.

 

Ultimately you should give her space to figure things out, start missing you even.

[Idive]

From my point of view, I get a slightly insecure vibe from you. You sleep over and don't have sex one time, and you are thinking something is wrong. Is it possible nothing was wrong at that point, and she really WAS distracted, and you made a bigger issue out of it than it was? If so, yes, that could make a woman run away.

 

I can see that. But it was more than just that. I had been noticing a big difference for a week. That was something in hindsight. I was more surprised that we had sex as often as we did.

 

 

That last thing I would want to hear if I were her would be guilt, begging, crying...etc. I agree with what has been said that you can talk to her and tell her how you feel without desperation. That's the key.

 

Ultimately you should give her space to figure things out, start missing you even.

 

Yes, that is why I didn't beg that day. No guilt, it's not a part of real love. Just a mistake, I think. Fear of the commitment maybe. So I haven't contacted her. I figure I should wait 2,3,4 weeks. Then see about talking to her.

Edited October 15, 2012 by Idive

[olivec]

Thanks, though I think I am going to wait a little longer. Give her at least 2 or 3 weeks, maybe a month to hopefully miss me. Then try to talk to her.

 

Ugh, this is soul crushingly painful.

 

I can tell your really still hurt by this which is why your thinking be trying to fight for her or show her the man shes missing will get her to run back into your arms. I 'm sad to say most people on here who have experienced this including myself last year with my last relationship will tell ya its not gunna work man. I fought literally tooth and nail for my ex last year and i also did what you did wait like a month or so then contact her. Now i did get some contact but all it was unfortunately was crumbs and she never took me back. Then i got extremely depressed and bitter for months. I atleast learned from the experience especially now with this last girl i dated. I gave her a few trys with no response so i decided to pull the plug and deleted her number for good. Ofcourse thats too extreme for you at this point. However at some point you have to give up hope and move on man as its the only way.

[Idive]

However at some point you have to give up hope and move on man as its the only way.

 

If and when it comes to that, I will. But not without trying.

[Xestenz]

Idive -- your story was almost too painful for me to read, as it could have been me typing those words:

 

• I was in a loveless marriage for almost a decade.
  
• I started dating post divorce, but didn't find it very fullfiling at first.
  
• Met someone on an online site, and we dated for five months.
  
• It was intense -- the sex, the connection, the depth of feeling.
  
• Our conversations were amazing -- hours long lying next to each other (I was a philosophy major...)
  
• We did so much together - sailed, mini-vacations, out for live music, running on the beach, etc.
  
• She said 'I love you' first and wanted to go exclusive first, and that we were 'soulmates'.
  
• Then almost suddenly -- poof! -- she withdrew and ended it and was basically gone, just like that.
  

It was without a doubt one of the most painful experiences I've ever endured.

 

Looking back five months later, I feel that I now understand what happened and why, and have learned some very valuable lessons.

 

The red flags were all there. She had stated quite clearly at the beginning that she didn't want a LTR and was just looking to date, but simply 'didn't expect to meet me'.

 

She wasn't over her ex husband, and still felt the sting of all the things he didn't give her that she wanted from him (and still wanted from him).

 

She was dealing with a young son with severe ADHD who absorbed the majority of the family's emotional energy.

 

I now attribute what happened to a classic case of rebound on her part. She enjoyed the fantasy, the sex, and that I was different than her ex -- BUT SHE WAS NEVER ACTUALLY AVAILABLE TO ME. The entire relationship was largely a fiction. I just didn't know it!

 

Her rushing things, talking of a future together, introducing me too quickly to her family and kids, always talking and complaining about her ex were all classic signs of a woman in rebound.

 

If I knew then what I've learned now (in part from this website) I would never have gotten into an LTR with a woman with her unresolved issues. Boundries, my friend, are your friend!

 

I'm not sure if any of this is helpful, other than to know that many many others have gone through similar situations and come out the other side stronger and happier than ever before.

 

FWIW -- I have since met an amazing, beautiful woman who is truly available to me and adores me -- and whom I adore -- and I now look back at all of the pain and late nights wondering and think 'what was the big deal?' I've entered this new relationship with eyes opened wider by the prior experience.

 

Hope your situation works out, but remember that it will indeed work out one way or the other.

Edited October 16, 2012 by Xestenz

[trueluV]

I'm only in my mid 20's and I don't have as much experience as most of you married or formerly married people do, but I have had my fair share of women that are afraid of long-term commitment.

 

The last woman I was with was amazing, her and I were an almost perfect couple. The problem came when things got more serious, when I met her family and her family started "joking" about getting married etc.

 

She's at the point in her life where she knows what she wants and is working on what she wants in the future, but the "idea" of being committed to someone in the future seemed to have scared her away.

 

She also admitted to me that she was only 50% into our relationship a week after I met her family. I asked why, she did not know exactly either. All she said was she knew she wanted to be with me, but could not find that connection. Perhaps, it's the connection of me and her being together in the future.

Some women really want their freedom, but wants a "companion". Once you start going past that "companionship" line, they tend to freak out and things start messing with their mind, which causes them to lose interest and run away.

 

I may be younger, but my advice would be to message her, call her, ask to meet up, talk things out, tell her what you want and pour your heart it. If she's on the same page, give it a go and see if you can make things work, if not, it's time to let go and find a woman who wants the same things as you, not only in the present, but also in the future.

 

I think JayL nailed it down to the point.

I've been reading the whole thread, and had to log in just to write to you.

 

I'm a woman, in her 30's, and i thought you were the guy i was meeting, minus the marriage & kids. i dated a very nice and sweet guy for 4 months, and not even two weekends ago, i called and ended it.

so, i have been that woman, the guy felt a strong connection to, and even wanted to consider marriage seriously. however, as JayL has mentioned above, i guess at one point something went wrong and i started to want my "freedom" back, when he crossed the border of being a "companion".

 

my reason i told my guy was that i wasn't strongly "in love" with him.

maybe i was cruel, but that's what i felt. i did like him. it was very comfortable being with him. but something wasn't just there.

maybe the guy was so nice all the time i took it for granted.

i think he did all the work for me, to be with me, to make me happy, i went along with it in the first few months, but then i suddenly realized "do i really love him", "is this what i want". it just hit me one day.

and i found myself in a position this guy wants to marry one day, in the near future. then, i told myself, if he is such a nice and good person, i should not let him waste his time on me, who is uncertain now.

it's really not a fear of long term commitment, but more of 'are my feelings true to him', and uncertainty,....and knowing marriage clock was ticking on him.

 

it's been over a week, and the first day was very hard for me, i was walking and crying thinking about him and the good times, and next day i was asking myself if i have made a good decision for both of us...questioning myself a lot. and now back to missing him.

but i can't just contact him and meet with him again out of an instant emotion if i think long term. i'm still debating.

i do miss him. but i don't know what is best for us.

what if i contact him because i miss him, and he gets hope and we meet up, meet a couple times, and it goes back to where it was.

 

that's why it's tough for me too.

 

well, i don't think i was so organized in explaining things, but you can get the idea of what is going through a woman's head after it....

 

i'm still thinking...debating...missing him.....a lot of 'what if's....what if i get back with him....what if i don't...would i be able to find someone who cares about me like him....

 

i'm sure you were a nice boyfriend to her, and i'm sure she thinks about you a lot and misses you....

if you're meant to be, you will be together somehow again, so don't think too much. that's what i tell myself.

 

let's hang in there.