NavyAirTraffic Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 Small back story first- She left me 3 weeks ago last thursday out of the blue, well I thought it was out of the blue but thinking back with a clearer mind I saw several small clues and a couple not so small ones. Well later that day she joined a dating site, couple breadcrumbs but overall she hasn't really looked back. Dating site dilemma- Some of you might have read it but I wrote a thread on what I did (mainly) to speed up the getting over process. It's going well, yesterday was rough because she sent a huge chunk of breadcrumb but was still a breadcrumb. Well I'm ready to get back onto the dating sites, one in particular, my old one and the one she currently has a profile on. Coincidentally it's the best and most populated. My theory on this one is my last real date was her, my last kiss was her, my last humpty dance was her. I have subconsciously put her on a pedestal. My brain knows there are amazing people out there, it knows she wasn't the best thing in the world, but my heart isn't really listening. Time for her to be dethroned. My question- I think this is a pivotal step in getting over her. I want to open an account on the same site. I am not doing it for her, I'm not doing it for her to see how good I look, what I'm up to. Well I'm weak and would take her back in a second but that isn't my focus. I won't answer her until I get the "oh my god, leaving you was the biggest mistake ever" text/call. She kinda facebook stalked me the other day after I blocked her and I had to go in and make all my pics private so she can't see what I'm doing. So I think I'm speaking with my brain on this one and not my heart. Is there an etiquette here? My sole intent would be to improve myself, bring more good people into my life and hopefully the forever partner. However I kinda feel like I would be competing with her, she might get the wrong idea (oh he's trying to make me jealous, trying to get me back). I don't care if she goes and bangs half the city, in my mind she's already doing that. So what do you guys say, do it/don't do it and why? I'm interested to find out.
dreamstate83 Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 I would avoid using the same site as her. You may have intentions of only doing it for yourself, but it puts you back into a position of dealing with it. Out of curiosity, how do you know she was facebook stalking you if you blocked her?
Author NavyAirTraffic Posted October 15, 2012 Author Posted October 15, 2012 (edited) I would avoid using the same site as her. You may have intentions of only doing it for yourself, but it puts you back into a position of dealing with it. Out of curiosity, how do you know she was facebook stalking you if you blocked her? I posted a picture of me on facebook with with a friend, lady friend but only a friend. Was the first night I left my phone in my livingroom. I woke up the next day to 7 text messages. This was the huge breadcrumb. She poured her heart out to me, she couldn't believe I did this, it disgusted her I was with another woman, how could I post a pic with someone else, how much she missed me, how amazing I was, all she wanted was to be in my arms, how I told her to delete my number but she couldn't let go. However it was missing the "I WANT YOU BACK" message that I am looking for. She had to have used somebody else's account to look at it, I double checked the block after the text messages. I wrote on another thread that I would delete it and never reply, but I am weak and I replied the next afternoon. It took me awhile to think of what to say without sounding needy, I came up with this "if you really want to talk let me know". She responded "no", she apologized for blowing up my phone, admitted to being jealous, but you could tell she was firm in her stance. Edited October 15, 2012 by NavyAirTraffic
sendme Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 Definitely avoid using the same site as her... that just seems like a recipe for disaster.... who cares if the site you used last time is the most populated... use another one... move forward... onward and upward...
curiouslyhuman Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 The objective here is to disassociate yourself from her entirely. Creating a profile on that site has nothing to do with healing yourself and everything to do with you wishing and or hoping to have some connection with her at any type of level because you miss her and are looking for a way to reach out. I recommend not posting on that site and actually never visiting it. If any contact comes from her it has to be just that, from her. Its exactly as if you went to her hangout spot looking great and waiting for her to notice you in an attempt to feel better about yourself through her eyes. There is no winning in that situation because validating yourself through her is exactly what you want to avoid/get over. You want to break through the long haul of emotional hurt because she is no longer part of your life by distancing yourself, not walking into the lions den and hoping it wont eat you. Just my 2 cents.
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