Teaching Social Skills

[Samson]

Cosby and others on the LS forum have complained that parents do little to teach empathy. They believe, possibly rightly so, that parents are abdicating their responsibilities to teach social skills. I know that some are happy to give the state (through local schools) this responsibility.

 

So, how in the world of violent video games, two income households and "non-traditional" families, are parents supposed to teach empathy?

[Fayebelle]

If you can't be w/ your kids than you need to know who is. Don't allow just any ole person sit for your kids and express ahead of time your values, morals, and ideas of how your child should be raised. If the person watching your children does not comply- they shouldn't be watching your child. They should make the time they do have w/their kids about quality since they don't have quantity.

 

As for teaching empathy- pets help. Also keep communication open about your feelings too. If you are sad, hurt, happy, mad... tell your kids and why you feel that way. They need to know they aren't the only person w/more than one emotion- the only person who can hurt physically. Pets teach them that All living beings -not just people have feelings too- and that we can and should love people and things besides just their family.

[InmannRoshi]

Good subject,

 

There are numerous charities you can participate in with a child that will help with empathy and social awareness. Sponser a child from a 3rd world country and have your child correspond with them by writing letters. Have them pick out 2 or 3 toys that they don't use anymore to donate to Salvation Army. Go out to a local park and pick up trash for an hour. Talk to them about how lucky and blessed they are in regards to exploitation of child labor and poverty around the world, and then help them write a letter to your local representative on the subject. Give them a list of tasks to perform in exchange for food items, and then drive over to the local food bank and donate.

[moimeme]

Read or watch the news or any sort of story where people are affected and have a discussion about 'how would you feel if that happened to you'.

[Samson]

These are all very simple, and inexpensive ideas that don't take much time.

 

So, why aren't "parents" doing it?

 

 

They are doing something else, to which that they assign more value. How have they made these choices? Because they preceive that they are more rewarding?

 

These examples of de-evolution should have just laid eggs on a beach somewhere and swum back into the ocean!

[InmannRoshi]

I think there are parents in our communities who want to be good parents, which is why we have so many mothers and fathers running themselves ragged trying to get their kids to and from an exhausting schedule of after-school interests. However, I do think our priorities are out of whack. We're too busy teaching them to compete and achieve to teach them empathy or alturism. In our hometown we have 4 year olds playing in organized t-ball and soccer leagues. We don't even wait for them to finish developing basic motorskills before we start putting them into competitive environment. The kids don't even know what they are doing out there. They don't even know which way to run when the ball is hit. They just get a kick out of wearing a uniform and hearing people clap for them (even though they have no earthly idea why they are clapping), and dad gives them the ole' attaboy when they kick the ball into the net. Meanwhile, the parents are fighting in the stands about who's kid is getting playing time and yelling at the umpires. We train kids early that the world around you, first and foremost, is your competition and your roadblock to success.

[brashgal]

I was in my teens before the truth hit me - life is not fair. I came to this realization somewhat late in life because my mother was always preaching "take turns, play fair, be nice, don't fight, don't cause trouble". She changed her tune slightly with her fourth child, I think due to the fact that some of her kids were taken advantage of and would not fight back. You hate to see that happen to your kids.

 

It's a tough balancing act to teach kids to look out for number one but to have empathy - especially in today's world when so much focus is on achieving and competing.

 

I started standing up for myself in my twenties but in my 5th decade I still see sometimes that I am "too nice". I wonder if showing empathy, not stooping to others' level really works or if my opposition just says "oh goodie" and runs off with the prizes. Do they ever have a pang of conscience and is that because of nature, nurture or what? I believe in karma and I have been quite fortunate in life and at this point I'm probably not going to change but it does influence how I have raised my sons. I'm telling them to stand up for themselves and their beliefs. Having pets and each other seems to have helped them develop a natural empathy to others.

[moimeme]

not stooping to others' level really works or if my opposition just says "oh goodie" and runs off with the prizes.

 

Of course they do, but the whole problem is that 'the prizes' have become valued more than companionship, community, and cooperation. Western life is about getting 'stuff', not becoming a good human or increasing the amount of that love that exists on the planet.

[shamen]

Our schools can only do so much. In some of the tougher (and even not so tough) schools, there is violence, drugs, etc. The teachers and administration do what they can to keep these things at a min, but most of it is reactionary. What can they do to actually stop the fighting before it starts? Mediation, etc. However, there are some people who do not care about rules or about other people's feelings. Why is this? See below...

 

So, how do we get the message out there of talking to your children amongst the homes where children return to no one after school, to the places where the people making the most money are the drug dealers? Good question. Poverty will always breed its own set of problems. There are plenty of working class parents out there who do manage to instill values in their children however, with much hard work and with much explanation that not everyone is brought up the same way.

 

At the same time, this is not just a poverty issue, it is also one of middle and upper class children. At this level, getting them involved with volunteerism seems to me to be the most logical choice, and not everyone who has money is concerned with that (as the parents don't always care).

 

Choosing to EDUCATE one's child is certainly one of the toughest jobs in America right now. I mean really educate, with values, empathy, everything. It's scary.

 

Conclusion here is: I don't think that we can put this blame squarely on the parents. It's more of a societal problem. What some people just don't see is how good we actually do have it. There are social programs to help with most of these issues, but many people don't know they are out there (and some don't care).

 

Go to a second or third world country and go to a school where the teacher is teaching the students to brush their teeth and their hair every Monday because they don't have toothpaste or a brush and they live in a shack made of a car box. I've been there; I've seen it. These places often do not HAVE the social programs to take care of these problems. Maybe people would then see what we really do have and all the social programs that we have to take care of our most basic issues (programs after school to stop kids from getting involved in the wrong things, free food, volunteerism projects, etc).

[brashgal]

Originally posted by moimeme

Of course they do, but the whole problem is that 'the prizes' have become valued more than companionship, community, and cooperation. Western life is about getting 'stuff', not becoming a good human or increasing the amount of that love that exists on the planet.

 

I think at the end of the day it must be a pretty lonely existence - 'stuff' just gets you so far, it won't take care of you in your old age. It's too bad more people don't come to that realization earlier in life.

 

Just gonna continue to live my schizo-Western/Eastern life here in the Southwest - it's all about balance.

[littleflowerpot]

Originally posted by Samson

These are all very simple, and inexpensive ideas that don't take much time.

 

So, why aren't "parents" doing it?

 

 

They are doing something else, to which that they assign more value. How have they made these choices? Because they preceive that they are more rewarding?

 

These examples of de-evolution should have just laid eggs on a beach somewhere and swum back into the ocean!

 

a lot of parents aren't doing it because they are lazy, self-absorbed people. a lot of parents grew up as kids in the 80's decade of greed, greed, and more greed. everyone was out for themselves and unfortunately a lot of their parents taught them that.

 

i have to say that if there was any benefit that came out growing up in a family that had very little more than they needed, i got to see first-hand how hard it was to get just the things we needed. i saw how hard it was for my family. it's very hard not to develop a sense of empathy when you see the mom that loves you crying at the kitchen table at night because she doesn't know how she's gonna feed her kids AND pay the rent.