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Broke NC after a month, it was horrible, now how do II get past it?


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Posted

Last time I wrote I was close to suicide but I decided it wasnt worth and even though things were painful I kept going...I started NC and started dating someone new who I really like, I still had feelings for my ex but I knew I had to move on ..Well I was doing ok and was on 3 weeks of NC and out of the blue Thursday I get a text from my exs new girlfriend sending me 3 pictures of them kissing and saying that they are engaged and in love and I meant nothing to him and to leave him alone..I was so pissed off not because of the pictures but because I had left him alone and was doing fine, so I broke no contact without even thinking and told her I hanowd already moved on and found someone new..We went back and fourth to text arguing, I know very childish and I regret it now but its to late..She called me a couple of times and i had my new boyfriend pick up the phone and tell her to leave me alone and lose my number..Later that night my ex text me saying horrible , mean hurtful things to me ..I t hurt like hell even though I have met someone else the things he said in his text really stung..i am not suicidal anymore but I feel pretty much like crap because of his painful, hurtful words...I wasnt the one who started this I have left him alone she texted me out of the blue from his phone taunting me..I know i shouldve ignored it and just went on with my life but my anger and emotions got the best of me..I am back to NC but it sucks that i have to start back at the beginning..I am back to feeling bad even though I have a new boyfriend it still hurts..I wish i wouldve just came on here and posted instead of responding to her...I just want to get past this and forget about my ex once and for all , any words of encouragement or help would be greatly appreciated..

Posted

I think you already know what to do. NC. You acknowledged the mistake of allowing the new gf to engage you in a fight, forgive yourself, go back to NC, enjoy your new relationship and let it all go.

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Posted

Your right River rain but I still feel so bad after the horrible things my ex said about me it stings...I just wish I could just forget about it all today but its hard..My new boyfriend is way hotter but for some reason i still have feelings for my ex no matter how mean he is to me..I know time will heal all these wounds , I just want the hurt and humiliation to end asap...

Posted

But that's the thing...there is no quick fix. You have to go through the pain and grief. It's like you're back at day 1 all over again because of the contact. You have reopened that wound and nothing but time, distraction and courage will get you back to a good place. You can't pretend it doesn't hurt, but you can choose to be kind to yourself and distract yourself when you're thinking of it.

 

Oh and blame him! 100%!!! Write a list of his bad points, and the true reasons you don't want to ever be with him again, keep it handy. That really worked for me.

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Posted

Thanks for your words of encouragement river..Your right its gonna hurt for awhile but withn time it will get better, next time I will be the bigger person and not respond...I will for sure make that list and blame him instead beating myself up..Thanks i hope that helps..

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Posted

You shouldn't have a new boyfriend so soon after the breakup.

 

At the moment you are using the new guy as a blanket so that you don't feel so cold and alone, and I know it feels better, but you're nevertheless using him and you are denying yourself the chance to heal properly and to learn to be happy on your own, without needing someone else to be whole and functional.

 

Unless you do the latter, you'll experience many more of these situations where a breakup gets you to the point of, as you put it, "near suicide". If a breakup makes you feel that way (not just "bah, wish I'd just die", but actual thoughts of taking your life), you should really consider talking to a professional. There is no shame in that.

Posted
Thanks for your words of encouragement river..Your right its gonna hurt for awhile but withn time it will get better, next time I will be the bigger person and not respond...I will for sure make that list and blame him instead beating myself up..Thanks i hope that helps..

 

It will help as long as you are willing to let it help. I think lots of times we hold on to the "what could have been" idea instead of letting reality sink in that it just can't be. Enjoy your new relationship and be grateful you have a good guy now. :)

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Posted

Thanks for the response Calico, I totally hear what your saying that I shouldnt have started a new relationship till I was totally healed from the last one but me sitting here lonely and sad over my ex only made me feel worse...Withn time I maybe able to have genuine feelings for my new boyfriend, I do like him..I do still have feelings for my ex but theres no chance of us ever getting back together at this point so i really dont want to be alone..I am going to go talk to a doctor on Friday to get some help with my issues because I dont want to ever hurt again to the point of suicide no man is worth me going there..I have had issues with depression in the past but didnt seek long term treatment which was a big mistake..If I leave my current boyfriend alone I know at this point in my life it will only make m e feel worse..I am not using him necause i do really like him...I know I need help to figure this all out..I just hope i can get past all this...

Posted
I just hope i can get past all this...

 

I promise you that one day not so far in the future you'll be and feel all right again, and happy, and satisfied, and optimistic. And you'll love again without the taint of a past relationship. :)

 

One of the advantages of slowly getting grey whiskers is that there is a big chunk of "life" to look back at. And while admittedly I never went through a breakup quite as traumatic and painful as my current one, there have been past relationships where I felt I could never be happy again, never love again, and that I'd never find another person quite like the one I had lost. In every and each of those cases I was wrong, and I'm glad about that.

 

Life is always being birthed. There's an endless stream of new people, new events, new opportunities. Usually we miss out on them because we are either dwelling on the past or fantasizing about the future, so we are rarely "here", in the present moment, but when we do manage to stay "here" for a little while, we can see all the great stuff that's happening around us. Even simple things like the songs of the birds, the vastness of the sky, the preciousness of just being alive. Focus a little on what's good in your life, right now, this red hot minute. You'll be surprised how much fantastic stuff there is. It's not all bad, even when sometimes it seems that way.

 

Keep your chin up and your heart open. :)

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Posted

Thanks once again Calico those were very inspirational words.. I do still have feelingsfor my ex but all the love I had for him is gone..I just want the day to come where i dont think about him all, where he is a distant memory...I think soon I will be ok, I just have to keep busy and focus on the good things in my life...

Posted

I should be studying for exams... so I admit I haven't read this thread... but I wanted to say... sooo many of us have had set backs and broken NC... you do what you did before... you stay busy... you come here for support, and you give yourself grace...

 

lots of positive self-talk... its ok that you're hung up on him still... there's nothing wrong with you... this is your process, and your heart and your life and your timing... you'll figure it out step by step... be kind to yourself... and remember how terrible you feel because you'll want to break NC again... let this moment, this fresh agony remind you of why you want to be NC...

 

And finally thank you... today is day 14 for me, and its been hard, I'm stressed and studying and would love to have the comfort of him... his body, our sex... and his voice in my ear.... but that is what I imagine it would be... in reality I would be broken hearted exactly like you are... so thank you for your pain... know that it encouraged me today and reminded me that I can be strong!

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Posted

Sendme I wish I could be as strong as you and stuck to NC but things just happened..Iam still very hurt by his words and still think about them two together but iknow time will heal these wounds and I also believe in Karma for all the heartless, mean things he has done and said to me since the breakup..I am not gonna keep beating myself up over I am just gonna keep going on with my life...

Posted
Sendme I wish I could be as strong as you and stuck to NC but things just happened..Iam still very hurt by his words and still think about them two together but iknow time will heal these wounds and I also believe in Karma for all the heartless, mean things he has done and said to me since the breakup..I am not gonna keep beating myself up over I am just gonna keep going on with my life...

 

girl... strong is a process not a destination... I went NC three or four times before it stuck like this... and believe me this is hard too... but I can tell you with each passing day I am beginning to love myself more and realize that I might actually be happy without him in my life cheating on me and putting me down.... give yourself grace, and remember that there are new mercies every day... you are not your actions, you are not your weaknesses, and tomorrow doesn't have to go like today did!

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