Dating US vs dating UK

[Silly_Girl]

My other half and I met online, in the UK. We sometimes peruse threads here together, or talk about couples we know who met online, or are in fresh relationships.

 

There is a world of difference between what we see as the US way of doing things, and how it goes in the UK. We're not aware anyone here adhering to 'rules' or specific timescales or anything of that ilk. Multi-dating seems to be rare and only in very, very early stages, and although there may be a chat about removal of online profiles (where appropriate) there barely ever seems to be a need for a chat to agree exclusivity. And that's just the beginning, without the 'intros to friends?', 'intros to family?', 'will he propose?' Etc etc etc. To me and the Brits I've had cause to talk with on it, there seems much more to navigate across the water.

 

Perhaps the existence of such structure makes the whole process go more smoothly?

 

Interested in the thoughts of others

[ParadeRain]

Being 20 and from the UK I can only speak for the younger generations, and it seems that in the US freedom comes later than it does in the UK... it seems being 18 in the US you're still very much a child and under the control of parents.

 

In the UK once you hit 18 you're pretty much free to do whatever you want, most certainly in terms of dating, and more often than not, that freedom comes sooner than 18.. but in the US it seems a lot stricter, and much more regulated.

 

Another thing is religion.. religion is almost NEVER an issue when it comes to dating in the UK, you'll never hear any form of religion being a factor to a relationship... in regards to the indigenous majority at least.. "typical British people".

 

Long distance relationships are also less common in the UK.

[Ross MwcFan]

In the UK if you're in your 30's and you dated someone in their early 20's, it seems that it's looked at as totally fine and normal.

 

In America it seems people would see it as innapropraite and as though you're practically a peadophile.

 

In one way people in America look at people in their late teens and early 20's as though they're still small children, but then at the same time, as soon as someone is 21 they're expected to find their own place, be fully independant and suddenly be like an adult. Weird.

Edited October 14, 2012 by Ross MwcFan

[january2011]

Big dose of cynicism coming up:

 

I never knew that dating was so complicated until I joined LS and was exposed to the "American-style" of dating. From my research, even similar forums (which seem to be mostly US-based) are afflicted.

 

There seems to be a lot of neuroses over every fine detail. Lots of misunderstandings, miscommunication, overanalysis, overthinking, etc.

 

Then there's the game-playing to protect ego and power struggles to assert control over the relationship. Thus the gender war mentality.

 

And everything seems to be a competition. Who is better/worse because of X, Y, Z? There are times when I just really want to shake the OP and say "who gives a f*ck? This is irrelevant!"

 

I read threads and often wonder how the OPs manage to navigate daily life when they appear to find it difficult to make even the simplest relationship decisions.

 

Here, it seems pretty simple and straightforward: less game-playing and paroxyms of "does he like me?/why am I so unlikeable?/unloveable?/unf*ckable?" self-doubt. But as I was reminded the other day, this is what LS is for, right? To help people find out what's wrong with them, so that they can end up in a successful and loving relationship.

 

To be honest, methinks that my experiences have more to do with dating in the late 30s+ and it's got nothing to do with which side of the pond I'm on.

 

To those I've offended, I apologise.

 

/rant over

Edited October 14, 2012 by january2011

[thatone]

Being 20 and from the UK I can only speak for the younger generations, and it seems that in the US freedom comes later than it does in the UK... it seems being 18 in the US you're still very much a child and under the control of parents.

 

In the UK once you hit 18 you're pretty much free to do whatever you want, most certainly in terms of dating, and more often than not, that freedom comes sooner than 18.. but in the US it seems a lot stricter, and much more regulated.

 

Another thing is religion.. religion is almost NEVER an issue when it comes to dating in the UK, you'll never hear any form of religion being a factor to a relationship... in regards to the indigenous majority at least.. "typical British people".

 

Long distance relationships are also less common in the UK.

 

people in america have no historical identity so they identify themselves based on what social groups they choose to belong to. in effect, the result is a bunch of people in costumes that are bad cariacatures of bad people.

 

and religion is the worst of those costumes.

[Imported]

UK is smaller than some states. The USA is huge in comparison and segments of the population here may very well be as described by UK'ers that posted here and then there is the complete opposite segment. Either segment probably amounts to more people than there are in the whole UK. Also, wouldn't base understanding on what I read on internet forums.

 

I don't think there is that much difference. Dated 2 different British girls and other than accent, there was little difference.

[mysteryscape]

in the US things seem to be hopelessly disturbed between the sexes. I can't tell if it's better in the UK or Europe. I hope so.

[CptObvious]

this is what LS is for, right? To help people find out what's wrong with them, so that they can end up in a successful and loving relationship.

 

Oh crap.. was that what I was supposed to be doing?

[EasyHeart]

We're not aware anyone here adhering to 'rules' or specific timescales or anything of that ilk. Multi-dating seems to be rare and only in very, very early stages, and although there may be a chat about removal of online profiles (where appropriate) there barely ever seems to be a need for a chat to agree exclusivity. And that's just the beginning, without the 'intros to friends?', 'intros to family?', 'will he propose?' Etc etc etc.

That's how it is over here, too. Most people just date and don't think about it too much.

 

Don't assume that American LS posters are representative of everyone in the country.

[El Brujo]

Here in the States, there are all these unwritten rules everyone is supposed to know. And if you don't know them or you don't play by them, word spreads through the grapevine pretty quickly and you get socially ostracized.

 

You're also expected to have full-on, violent sex on the first date, even if you have to do it on the table in the restaurant.

 

Last but not least, you never, ever say the L-word---huge no-no. You're not even supposed to like the people you date/screw; save that mushy stuff for a mail-order bride.

[VodkaShots]

Snipped post

 

This pretty much. It's a fun forum, but a lot of people seem to really overanalyse everything and there are an awful lot of bitter men on here. Such is life.