Floored Posted October 14, 2012 Posted October 14, 2012 It was three months post-breakup yesterday, which happens to be four years to the first day that I can remember first liking her, I only remember because of a photo on facebook from a time when we were working out together as part of a group. We also started hanging out as just the two of us, apart from our group, during this week. I set up a 'date', she didn't know it, and I still don't think she knows to this day, unless my roommate finally spilled it now that we're apart. We were supposed to meet a group of friends at a local eatery, and I was interested in having some alone time with her so I called two of my roommates and told them we should reschedule to the following day, then I called the others and told them the first two wanted to reschedule, then I feigned surprise when no one showed up to join me and her. Kind of devious, no one questioned it since I was the master orchestrator of the group outings anyway, she liked it enough to comment that she wished the group would forget to come more often. We started hanging out alone more often after that. I have had the same conversation with most of my guy friends: that the first date/beginning of the relationship is much sooner for guys than it is for their counterparts. I don't know what LS would say, and this is only my experience from my group of friends, but there's only one example of this not being the case. Maybe I choose weird friends; maybe the water is poisoned where I'm from. I would put today as our four-year, because this marks when we started going out exclusively: at least twice a week at first, I paid for everything and she was happy to oblige, and we would see each other every day during and after school. But we hadn't had the bf/gf talk yet, that wouldn't come for two more months, so that's where the 'official' date is. I only explain the significance of all that because today would have also been the day I would have proposed. I know she would have loved the significance of it all, the background to how we first started. The place I chose was from the picture I brought up earlier, a place where we would talk funny things and meaningful things after our trek, where the two of us had a secluded little spot that overlooked a small valley, where no trail could get into because of the terrain so it was just unscathed trees with a river and a sunset. Today's weather is surprisingly like the picture, foggy, unusually warm for fall, which would have worked perfectly. It's funny going through my threads and thinking how much I hate that guy that wrote them. My breakup thread? I can tell that author hadn't had more than two hours of sleep a night for weeks. Every other thread is an emotional fart of ways I screwed up or got close to it. I never talked to her parents which I'm glad about, I decided against finishing the video myself, I broke NC in a drunken state but I never blitzed her with flowers. She broke NC the initial one time to tell me she didn't want to see me (um, duh?), and never contacted me again. I felt for Blue Jay Bird as she struggled for just that one sign from her ex, because for so long I wanted mine to text me/call me/email me/blimp message me anything to show she regretted it or missed me. Something to validate our years together. I finally settled on her silence speaking more than anything she could come up with. The pain is still there, but it's finally only pain of loss at this point. She really is dead to me as sad as that is, and I think that's where it will stay. All the angry things she said, all the things she did immediately post-BU that hurt me, those are just gone. I won't reach out again, she certainly won't, and I never have to worry about bumping into her. All the good times we had are just a ghost of a memory, it feels like I fast-forwarded through four years of my life. If there's one thing I have still to get over, it's the disorientation from being a hardcore couple guy to being a single guy. I'm good enough at it I guess, I like having my own schedule, my own future to worry about. Sex is finally not an issue, that baby's been winterized and put in storage; I couldn't get enough for the entirety of my relationship with her, but it was more emotional for me than getting off so I know I'd have issues with a ONS. Hang in there you freshly-broken LSers, I'm still far from where I want to be as a successful person, but I'm far from the mess I was following the breakup. I took today as a point of reflection; I learn much about where I stand just by writing it out. The best way to move on is to move forward, it's such a simple phrase but it embodies worlds of meaning and self-discovery. You'll get there, just as I'll get there.
NavyAirTraffic Posted October 14, 2012 Posted October 14, 2012 Couple questions. Did you have a grieving phase where it really hit home that it was over and you grieved your loss? What are you doing to transition from "couple you" to "single awesome you"? Thank you.
Author Floored Posted October 14, 2012 Author Posted October 14, 2012 Couple questions. Did you have a grieving phase where it really hit home that it was over and you grieved your loss? What are you doing to transition from "couple you" to "single awesome you"? Thank you. For me, the grieving has been very blended in with everything else. I grieved initially because I missed her, my lady who had been with me daily for four years, a friend who knew more about me than even my best guy friends. I grieved later because I felt like she stole herself away from me, if that makes sense. I would almost consider this thread a deliberate part of that process. Never did I just sit a whole week and sob over it, it was more a day or two sprinkled here or there that would make me remember and miss what we had. I guess today might be considered one, but it's more of a reflection than a longing today. It didn't truly hit home until I nibbled on her breadcrumbs and finally called her in a drunken state as mentioned. She had no emotion but anger in her voice, she shared nothing of her new job or new apartment or new life, she didn't want to talk about anything except how she was just saying the emotions at the end, and that I was wasting my time because she was having more fun as a single girl. That was rock-bottom in the breakup for me, that's when it hit home that not only was there never going to be reconciliation, but neither of us wanted it anymore anyway. I wish I had kept NC, as the things we said truly closed doors forever that hadn't been shut before, not just getting back together, but ever having any type of communication. One year from now, three years from now, I won't ever care to hear from her, and I doubt she will care to say anything either, which is sad considering what a big part of each others' lives we were for so long. To go from couple me to single me- as stupid as this sounds- I made a list of what I wanted to accomplish before getting back into a relationship, because relationships tend to lock you in. It has video game and motorcycle purchases to half marathon times and trails I want to ride, and professional school applications and other work goals. Admittedly, I initially wanted to do these to show her I was still the 'man', but as I worked through it, I enjoyed it more for myself. It was a very mechanical at the start, even the video game playing and motorcycle shopping (settled between three, but I'm waiting until spring now because I just can't tease myself all winter), but it gave me something else to look forward to besides the void of singleness as I used to call it. I still look at it every now and then, but it's more natural to do what I want to now.
PlanB123 Posted October 14, 2012 Posted October 14, 2012 what about learning some lessons from this relationship in the interim before getting into another one? so you can be better next time. it great that you are a nice guy and a romantic. but reading that i started to cringe a bit because you seem over sentimental about dates and stuff. sometimes a girl just wants to be bent over. so a bit of variance is good. just seeing if you are looking to learn from why the relationship has ended.
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