Deeleeletro Posted October 14, 2012 Posted October 14, 2012 My boyfriend of two and a half years broke up with me last week. I've decided to go no contact after reading several threads and articles on the Grass is Greener Syndrome. However, each passing day feels like forever. Though it has only been a week, it feels like a month since I last spoke to him. He ultimately broke up with me to see other people. Granted, we are each other's first real relationship and we both don't know much outside of each other. I can understand why he broke up with me, I've always wondered what it was like to date other people too, but the problem is that I never saw this coming, much like other dumpees who've experienced dating someone with Grass is Greener Syndrome. My boyfriend has recently talked about how his entire life feels "routine." Work is the same, except for the fact that he was promoted and now the job is a little more stressful. And our relationship was beginning to feel routine at times too. But after being with someone for that much of time, what do you expect? Granted, we never fought, rarely argued, and got along great. I'm not really a people person, so it was perfect that I found him and got along so wonderfully with him. He is a little more social than I, but has even said it is amazing that we fell in love with each other because of our personalities towards everyone. He sent me this message a month before we broke up: Well, let's try new/different things. The thing that makes me mad is that you are talking to guys on OKCupid because you are sexually bored with me, instead of telling me that you are bored with the sex. I guess I just want better communication. You know that I want to be with you, and that I love you. I want you to tell me these things so that I know how to be a better boyfriend to you, and make our relationship better. You mean the world to me, Butthead, and I just want you to tell me when you feel this way, so I can try to find a way to make thing better. Anyway, I hope you have a good day at work. I love you. Now, is it just me, or does that sound like someone who is pretty into you? That is why this whole situation is mind-numbingly annoying, confusing, and hurtful. I really love this guy and want to be with him. I'm pretty sure he wants to be with me too, he is just... confused? I don't even know. We always talked about our feelings and how we felt, except when it was really tough, which was right before he broke up with me. Now that I am single and "free" to do what I want, I have absolutely no desire to be with anyone else. Though I have always been curious, I am pretty sure I know what I want - I don't need to be with anyone else to know that. Basically all I am asking for is comments, opinions and advice. Have you gone through this? Does my boyfriend seem like someone who would come back to me? I'm planning on continuing no contact for as long as I can before he answers me. Thanks to any responses I may get in advance.
dreamstate83 Posted October 14, 2012 Posted October 14, 2012 (edited) Read the article in my signature - it may help. As for him coming back? If the relationship was good and healthy and more positive than negative, they always come back. But here is the kicker: They only come back into your life when you've given up and moved on. I believe that second chances are a lot more common than people here will admit, but the fact that the dumpee almost always says no contributes to the low percentage of reconciliations. Best of luck to you, and welcome to the family Edited October 14, 2012 by dreamstate83
PlanB123 Posted October 14, 2012 Posted October 14, 2012 it sounds like you had a pretty healthy relationship. you were just acting a bit old before your time. you both got lethargic and it made him snap. its sounds a lot more hopeful than a lot of stories on here. imo...i think this one's coming back because he doesn't sound like he's got anyone else lined up. a couple of weeks out in the cold on his own with no sex will send him back to you. just both put in the effort not to behave like an old married couple when he does.
Gravy Posted October 14, 2012 Posted October 14, 2012 I hear what you are saying, I am in the same position however our relationship is 6 years long. We have had breaks apart where we had no contact for three weeks or so. Yesterday my girlfirend said that she wants to explore life, go out with her friends, exchange numbers with guy and date other people with out feeling guilty. We were planning on getting engaged soon and then she says this. She said I am too nice for her and that she is not a nice person. I understand you dont wish to even think about dating others, I am the same, the thought makes me sick. Anyway I know how you feel, all you can do is be strong.
River Rain Posted October 14, 2012 Posted October 14, 2012 May I ask, why were you on OKCupid while you're in a relationship with him? That's a dating site.
Author Deeleeletro Posted October 14, 2012 Author Posted October 14, 2012 I was using OkCupid to talk to other guys. I was never using the website as a way to find someone else, I was using it because I don't have many friends and it was an easy way to chat and socialize. It helped when I felt lonely.
dreamstate83 Posted October 14, 2012 Posted October 14, 2012 A lot of people use the dating sites right after a breakup to fill the void with something positive. I don't, but I don't see anything wrong with it as long as you don't try to push for something that you aren't ready for emotionally. I also just want to add something in regard to a few posts above this one: Don't expect your ex to come back. It's entirely possible that they will but it will do you no good if you are secretly hoping they do. Best case scenario: They don't come back and you've wasted months and months of time you could have been healing. Worst case scenario: They come back and you take them back without finding yourself first, which contributes to the already low reconciliation rate via another heart wrenching breakup.
River Rain Posted October 14, 2012 Posted October 14, 2012 I was using OkCupid to talk to other guys. I was never using the website as a way to find someone else, I was using it because I don't have many friends and it was an easy way to chat and socialize. It helped when I felt lonely. I understand the feeling of wanting to connect with someone, but I figure, if I'm IN a relationship, I'm not going on dating websites. If my bf was on OKCupid while we were together, I'd probably break up with him. 1
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