Immissme Posted October 14, 2012 Posted October 14, 2012 Hi I've been seeing a guy for about 6 weeks and we like each other. I think it's slowly developing into a relationship. Thursday night, we hung out and I invited him to come to our family party last night. He responded that he had plan to hang out with his friends but he would swing by afterwards. At his friends party, he had some drinks, he sent me a text saying hes a little buzzed but he would still come to see me. I told him not to worry if he can't make it. On his way he got pulled over and got a DUI. I feel so sorry for him and I want to help as much as I can. What should I do at this point? I told him to let me know if I can help him. I also said If he needs someone to talk to just let me know. I have a feeling he won't ask for any help. I'm not sure what to do at this point and what to do to help him and should I keep dating a guy who got a DUI or is it a bad idea?
Pyro Posted October 14, 2012 Posted October 14, 2012 Everyone makes mistakes and since things are serious between the two of you I would give him a chance.....as long as he has learned from his mistake. I am not saying that he has to stop drinking but as long as he doesn't take this opportunity to drink in excess knowing that he doesn't have to worry about driving for a while. 2
jrosie Posted October 14, 2012 Posted October 14, 2012 There could be a lot worse things he could do, trust me. He was coming to see you. He was buzzed. People do it all the time and don't get caught. Unfortunately, he was one of the ones who did. Would your relationship be progressing if he made it to you after, knowing he was buzzed and didn't get caught?
Art_Critic Posted October 14, 2012 Posted October 14, 2012 There could be a lot worse things he could do, trust me. He was coming to see you. He was buzzed. People do it all the time and don't get caught. Unfortunately, he was one of the ones who did. Would your relationship be progressing if he made it to you after, knowing he was buzzed and didn't get caught? Well.. I'm sure minimizing the fact that he was driving drunk isn't the right thing to do.. Worse... yeah.. he could have killed someone while being DUI... I think this falls into one of those people make mistakes things.. as long as it's his first DUI and isn't a repeat offender then let him learn his lesson.. Driving Drunk isn't smart or a safe thing to do...so look to see if he paid attention and later on down the road if he still drives drunk then you have a problem.
phineas Posted October 14, 2012 Posted October 14, 2012 I've had women I was dating show up at my door drunk late at night. If I knew they were drunk when they text'd or called to see if I was up I would of done what I could to make sure they didn't drive. Even if that meant calling them a cab or getting them myself. 1
Emilia Posted October 14, 2012 Posted October 14, 2012 Hi I've been seeing a guy for about 6 weeks and we like each other. I think it's slowly developing into a relationship. Thursday night, we hung out and I invited him to come to our family party last night. He responded that he had plan to hang out with his friends but he would swing by afterwards. At his friends party, he had some drinks, he sent me a text saying hes a little buzzed but he would still come to see me. I told him not to worry if he can't make it. On his way he got pulled over and got a DUI. I feel so sorry for him and I want to help as much as I can. What should I do at this point? I told him to let me know if I can help him. I also said If he needs someone to talk to just let me know. I have a feeling he won't ask for any help. I'm not sure what to do at this point and what to do to help him and should I keep dating a guy who got a DUI or is it a bad idea? Just give him a bollocking, tell him he was a stupid boy, make him promise he won't do it again and keep an eye on his smarts for a while. A friend of mine did something similar once (he didn't drive but he had his car keys ready and got arrested for arguing with the officer), his girlfriend gave me a piece of her mind and the whole experience was enough for him not to repeat it. People make mistakes, even dumb ones. I wouldn't break up over something like this but would watch how responsible he is
Leigh 87 Posted October 14, 2012 Posted October 14, 2012 As long as he is not the type to get in trouble with the law, or get into regular fights, I would personally let this one slide. Getting a DUI does not necessarily reflect badly on his over- all character, if it WAS just a one off bad decision.
Art_Critic Posted October 14, 2012 Posted October 14, 2012 Getting a DUI does not necessarily reflect badly on his over- all character, if it WAS just a one off bad decision. That can be true, but it also doesn't make him look great either.. a DUI can very well be a sign of something else happening too.. I've had a DUI.. when I was 19... I am also an Alcoholic and was at 19.. So in my case a DUI did reflect poorly on my character. It all depends on what his drinking is really like.. if he is just a young person who is having fun then getting a DUI can be a wake up call.. If he is 35.. then it reflects poorly on his character. It really is all about the context of how he drinks and his age..
Author Immissme Posted October 14, 2012 Author Posted October 14, 2012 I asked for other people's opinion because for some reason I always get myself involve with someone who "I have to fix" . I know it's not my responsibility to fix someone's bad behavior or poor choices but once I'm in, I'm in and fix the problem before I get out. I've had two serious relationships in the past, this would be my third if I continue seeing him. The two previous ones were chaos. My first ex bf didn't get along with his family. I didn't know till we're in a relationship and met his family. He has made his mom cry cause of how he treated her.I ended up fixing the problem and now he has a close relationship with his parents. He became active in church. I still have good relationship with his family and they still call me to see how I'm doing. My second ex bf has a good relationship with his family but he made bad choices in life. Two months into our relationship he lost his job. I ended up supporting him. Then I found out he had a drinking problem. I had to fix him. It was he'll being with someone who has an addiction but I was able to make him stop drinking and able to make better choices in life. Now, he has a great career and he learned from his past so hes more responsible now. His family loves me and I still have good relationship with them. Now, I see it coming again. I like this guy and I think he's a good person. But I see signs that I'm gonna have to do some "work". I actually started. When we met, he didn't have a good relationship with his dad. I told him I would do anything to spend time with my dad again. I was really close to my dad and I lost him last year. I took care of him when he was sick and it was the hardest time of my life seeing a parent dying. Lately, he's been spending more time with his dad doing various activities. He's 35 btw. I still have a good relationship with my ex bfs. If I need help, they are there for me willing to help in anyway they can.
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