Themrandres Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 So I was going no contact for 3 weeks with the intention of getting her back (I know I know it's not meant for that but still) so I've been talking to a mutual friend about all the progress I was making and how I was gonna try to get her back and why I think she was acting the way she was. Last night our mutual friend spilled the beans to my ex:( like she told her everything what I thought of her new bf and how I wasnt moving on as well as my ex thought I was and my plan to get her back, although none of my plans were manipulative or rude she still got pissed. She just ruined my chances and all the progress I made with my ex. My ex texted me and told me what she thought about me and how I've been acting and we texted back and fourth from 8pm till 2pm the next day. I told her how i felt about the break up and how genuinly sorry i felt and just told her how bad i felt for how i treated her. We agreed to speak in person in 2 weeks and try to give me closure but I know she just wants me gone. I see I need to move on now and give up but how do I move on:'( how do I act when I meet up with her? And as I'm writing this I find out that one of my friends ran into her and called her a slut:P what do I say to her? Do I say sorry for my friends, because I don't approve of her behavior?
River Rain Posted October 14, 2012 Posted October 14, 2012 Honestly? Don't meet her in two weeks. You already know it's over. Your friend is immature for calling her a slut, he has no business doing that at all. Are you proud that he did that? (I hope not) But don't apologize on his behalf, he's the immature one. The point is not to harm the other person at all. If things don't work out, it's for a reason. Don't torture yourself, go no contact for the right reasons, to heal yourself and move on. There is love for all of us without all the game playing.
Tiera D Posted October 14, 2012 Posted October 14, 2012 you already got closure "she had a new guy",you just dont want to move on.The closure meeting will serve you ill ,deep in you,your brain already know its over ,just your heart wont let go,by the way you have no right to approve or disprove her behaviour your an ex. Bro your in the Denial stage. let me be one to break it to you,your not getting her back anytime soon.So,you say you want to meet her to get closure,picture the scenario ok? She would either say how awesome her new man is or how horrible you are,either way you will feel worst. how to move on you say? simple,go a real no contact really try to move on or trust me you will NEVER heal. TD
NavyAirTraffic Posted October 14, 2012 Posted October 14, 2012 1.)her new bf 2.)I told her how i felt about the break up and how genuinly sorry i felt and just told her how bad i felt for how i treated her 3.)but I know she just wants me gone. 4.)what do I say to her? Ok, time for some tough love here. I don't like to do it (what am I saying yes I do) but it needs to be done. Re-read your key points above. 1.) You need to grow a pair on this one, I know it hurts she left, but she isn't looking back. I also know you're asking "how do I move on", but you're not acting like you want to. She has a new man, you can't change how she feels no matter what you do, NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO!! It's going to hurt but you need to start forcing yourself to move on. 2.) You are coming from a position of need here, "how I feel". Guess what she doesn't care!! If she did care she would be with you and not her new bf. You can NEVER let them know how much you care because THEY ALREADY KNOW, they don't care, they left you!! 3.) So why would you spend another second thinking about her? Every and I mean EVERY move you make from here on out is to improve yourself. What does closure get you? Nothing. You have closure, she wanted to be with someone else, what more do you need? 4.) Not trying to beat a dead horse here but NOTHING!! Until she calls/texts you with nothing less than "oh my god, leaving you was the biggest mistake ever". She left you and if she wants you back she has to earn you back. Ok, harshness over. No easy way around it. You need to man up, it's not going to be easy but start focusing on yourself. You need to know and understand that she isn't coming back and there is nothing you can do to get her back. Don't believe me, read some threads on here. I have found 1, only 1 story where they got back together(and there are THOUSANDS OF THREADS). She left for a reason, it sucks, but it's time for you now. 2
Author Themrandres Posted October 14, 2012 Author Posted October 14, 2012 To clarify when I said "I don't approve of her behavior" I mean my friends behavior not my exes:P I don't think it's fair for my friend to attack my ex and call her a slut. I'm not gonna tell my ex how to feel or behave.
larklane Posted October 14, 2012 Posted October 14, 2012 I know its tough and will hurt for awhile but you need to just go no contact and don't even meet with her. You said your self you know its over so what are you accomplishing if you meet up? Time heals all wounds...just pull the bandaid off now so you can heal and move forward...good luck!
Author Themrandres Posted October 14, 2012 Author Posted October 14, 2012 Im guessing I should just cancel the meeting then:P but what do I say to cancel? Do I give a reason or do I just call it off? Can sombody give me a mature example of what I should say?
River Rain Posted October 14, 2012 Posted October 14, 2012 Im guessing I should just cancel the meeting then:P but what do I say to cancel? Do I give a reason or do I just call it off? Can sombody give me a mature example of what I should say? The truth. You don't want to meet because you realize it's over and you need to move on. The only way for you to heal from things is to go no contact and you hope she will respect that. Then go nc. Even if she responds or tries to engage you in contact after, this is when you need to be strong.
Author Themrandres Posted October 14, 2012 Author Posted October 14, 2012 But it was my idea to meet up and talk so like I have no idea how to tell her I can't see her anymore and seem strong and independent. Can sombody please give me an exact example of what to say like when I talk to this girl I freeze up and can't say what's on my mind:P
River Rain Posted October 14, 2012 Posted October 14, 2012 But it was my idea to meet up and talk so like I have no idea how to tell her I can't see her anymore and seem strong and independent. Can sombody please give me an exact example of what to say like when I talk to this girl I freeze up and can't say what's on my mind:P You have the right to change your mind! It's okay that it was initially your idea. You've changed your mind, you don't want to be together with her, you need no contact to heal. You have to be honest!
Author Themrandres Posted October 15, 2012 Author Posted October 15, 2012 Never mind she just texted me saying "we shouldnt talk or see eachother again" out of knowhere I didnt even talk to her since I did the other day.
Tiera D Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 she has already moved on..so should you bro,theres nothing else to be said TD
River Rain Posted October 15, 2012 Posted October 15, 2012 Never mind she just texted me saying "we shouldnt talk or see eachother again" out of knowhere I didnt even talk to her since I did the other day. Sorry, that must hurt you. But she's shown her true colours right? Now you have to really move on.
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