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Love you, but not 'in' love with you. Success Stories?

Dazed_Confused1989

By Dazed_Confused1989
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Dazed_Confused1989 Member

Dazed_Confused1989

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I've recently experienced this cliche. Was wondering if any success stories exist out there?

CptSaveAho Established Member

CptSaveAho

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Tons of them, you go out and find someone that you both can fall in love together.

River Rain Established Member

River Rain

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What I'd like to know is the definition. If I love a person, I love them. If I'm in love with a person, I love them.

 

Does it mean, I care for you but I don't want your affection and intimacy anymore?

 

This cliché has always baffled me. My ex said the same thing. I think it's just an excuse to let a person down easy.

 

So, no, no success because once you use that cliché on me, I know there's no chance.

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CptSaveAho Established Member

CptSaveAho

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What I'd like to know is the definition. If I love a person, I love them. If I'm in love with a person, I love them.

 

Does it mean, I care for you but I don't want your affection and intimacy anymore?

 

This cliché has always baffled me. My ex said the same thing. I think it's just an excuse to let a person down easy.

 

So, no, no success because once you use that cliché on me, I know there's no chance.

 

Obviously you dont understand "love" if you dont understand this concept. Might want to figure it out. Its very simple

 

Feelings change, you heal, move forward and try again

River Rain Established Member

River Rain

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Obviously you dont understand "love" if you dont understand this concept. Might want to figure it out. Its very simple

 

Feelings change, you heal, move forward and try again

 

Au contraire, I do understand that feelings change. What I don't understand is the difference between telling a person I love you and I'm in love with you. Semantics?

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Dazed_Confused1989 Member

Dazed_Confused1989

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Yes, 'I love you, but the physical attraction and feeling has left'.

 

In my case, I know the excuse was genuine as we did not prioritize our lives for the last 6-7 months and were obsessed with our work. I did do the little things, of course - but work was overshadowing.

CptSaveAho Established Member

CptSaveAho

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Au contraire, I do understand that feelings change. What I don't understand is the difference between telling a person I love you and I'm in love with you. Semantics?

 

means.... their feelings changed

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Dazed_Confused1989 Member

Dazed_Confused1989

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I should clarify. I mean getting back together with someone after this has happened.

NoMoreJerks Established Member

NoMoreJerks

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What I'd like to know is the definition. If I love a person, I love them. If I'm in love with a person, I love them.

 

Does it mean, I care for you but I don't want your affection and intimacy anymore?

 

This cliché has always baffled me. My ex said the same thing. I think it's just an excuse to let a person down easy.

 

So, no, no success because once you use that cliché on me, I know there's no chance.

Yeah, I never understood it either. I think they mean "I love you as a friend", not as a partner/lover.

 

Once this is said, IMO, no chance of going back , getting back together -- and why would I want to?

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River Rain Established Member

River Rain

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Yeah, I never understood it either. I think they mean "I love you as a friend", not as a partner/lover.

 

Once this is said, IMO, no chance of going back , getting back together -- and why would I want to?

 

I know I'm not the status quo, but it all just seems like game playing to me. If I'm in a romantic relationship, and my boyfriend tells me he loves me, I assume that he loves me romantically. To say "I'm not in love" is confusing and to me, more hurtful...just tell me, I love you as a friend, but I'm not physically or romantically attracted to you anymore. Direct, honest, no b.s.

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NoMoreJerks Established Member

NoMoreJerks

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I know I'm not the status quo, but it all just seems like game playing to me. If I'm in a romantic relationship, and my boyfriend tells me he loves me, I assume that he loves me romantically. To say "I'm not in love" is confusing and to me, more hurtful...just tell me, I love you as a friend, but I'm not physically or romantically attracted to you anymore. Direct, honest, no b.s.

I don't get that, though. So just because someone isn't super-aroused by their partner anymore = they don't love them anymore? As in, no feelings for them, as a partner? That's pretty disgusting, and reaffirms my conviction that most men think/feel with their dicks.

mtnbiker Established Member

mtnbiker

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That's pretty disgusting, and reaffirms my conviction that many men think/feel with their dicks.

 

Made a subtle yet strong change to your quote to what I believe is true.

CptSaveAho Established Member

CptSaveAho

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I know I'm not the status quo, but it all just seems like game playing to me. If I'm in a romantic relationship, and my boyfriend tells me he loves me, I assume that he loves me romantically. To say "I'm not in love" is confusing and to me, more hurtful...just tell me, I love you as a friend, but I'm not physically or romantically attracted to you anymore. Direct, honest, no b.s.

 

I don't get that, though. So just because someone isn't super-aroused by their partner anymore = they don't love them anymore? As in, no feelings for them, as a partner? That's pretty disgusting, and reaffirms my conviction that most men think/feel with their dicks.

 

I do not understand, are you ladies naive? How is this game playing? This is the most direct form of someone expressing their feelings to you.

 

Like I stated in an earlier post, you have no concept of what "LOVE" is. Do you love your parents? your friends? are you "In love" with them?

 

Its the same thing they are telling you. Their feelings changed, move on, get over it, stop rebounding, become intune with your own feelings so you can understand this concept, find someone else. Live happily ever after

River Rain Established Member

River Rain

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I do not understand, are you ladies naive? How is this game playing? This is the most direct form of someone expressing their feelings to you.

 

Like I stated in an earlier post, you have no concept of what "LOVE" is. Do you love your parents? your friends? are you "In love" with them?

 

Its the same thing they are telling you. Their feelings changed, move on, get over it, stop rebounding, become intune with your own feelings so you can understand this concept, find someone else. Live happily ever after

 

You have no idea how to be direct I imagine? I guess some people are more comfortable playing games and saying "I'm not in love with you" rather than saying the truth in simple English, or whatever language you speak. It's like saying "let's be FWB", dont' you really mean "Let's f*ck without me having to be in a relationship with you"? Let's not sugarcoat is all I'm saying, let's be direct and honest.

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River Rain Established Member

River Rain

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I don't get that, though. So just because someone isn't super-aroused by their partner anymore = they don't love them anymore? As in, no feelings for them, as a partner? That's pretty disgusting, and reaffirms my conviction that most men think/feel with their dicks.

 

I honestly think it's a matter of game playing, other people call it semantics, some call it sugarcoating...people these days are not honest, they think they have to spare others' feelings...I'm old school. Say what you need to say so I can move on. You're going to hurt me none the less so why not have some balls and just say I care for you, but I'm not interested in a romantic relationship anymore, I want to move on and find someone else for that. Saying "I'm not in love with you anymore" is immature. It's a typical cliché, just like the OP posted.

NoMoreJerks Established Member

NoMoreJerks

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I honestly think it's a matter of game playing, other people call it semantics, some call it sugarcoating...people these days are not honest, they think they have to spare others' feelings...I'm old school. Say what you need to say so I can move on. You're going to hurt me none the less so why not have some balls and just say I care for you, but I'm not interested in a romantic relationship anymore, I want to move on and find someone else for that. Saying "I'm not in love with you anymore" is immature. It's a typical cliché, just like the OP posted.

 

I don't think it's about sparing someone's feelings. I mean, if he tells me he doesn't love me, I'd be equally upset as I would be if he said he wasn't in love with me. To me, they are one and the same thing -- caring about friends is not "love." Most people would not call that "love." So I think men who use that expression ("I love you but I'm not in love with you") do so in order to maintain contact with the person as "friends" -- they are after FWB, all the perks of a relationship (especially the sex), minus the commitment.

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River Rain Established Member

River Rain

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I don't think it's about sparing someone's feelings. I mean, if he tells me he doesn't love me, I'd be equally upset as I would be if he said he wasn't in love with me. To me, they are one and the same thing -- caring about friends is not "love." Most people would not call that "love." So I think men who use that expression ("I love you but I'm not in love with you") do so in order to maintain contact with the person as "friends" -- they are after FWB, all the perks of a relationship (especially the sex), minus the commitment.

 

Me too, if he said "I'm not in love with you anymore...but I still love you", that doesn't cushion the blow so to speak, in fact it makes me laugh. Either you love me as your girlfriend or you don't. People throw out the word "love" too easily without knowing what it really means, or the impact it has on people. Yes, nothing is set in stone, changed feelings occur, either you love me or you don't, don't be on the fence and dangle me along because you're unsure, don't be a coward and throw a cliché at me. I'm a big girl, I have intelligence, just be honest, say it's over, the love is gone, and let me find someone who DOES love me.

 

Makes me roll my eyes and say "Tah-bar-ouette!" ;)

Edited by River Rain
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ReadMyThread Established Member

ReadMyThread

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I don't get that, though. So just because someone isn't super-aroused by their partner anymore = they don't love them anymore? As in, no feelings for them, as a partner? That's pretty disgusting, and reaffirms my conviction that most men think/feel with their dicks.

 

No, just because someone isn't super-aroused by their partner anymore means that aren't IN LOVE with them. LOVING someone and being IN LOVE with someone are 2 different things. They will always love each other no matter what because they shared memories and emotions together, but they simply aren't IN LOVE with you anymore. Meaning, they don't want you anymore. They used you and now it's over. You loved them stronger each and everyday you were together but one day they just decide, "Oh. I'm not IN LOVE with this person anymore.". There are many reasons that could lead to why they would fall out of love with you but when they do, there isn't anything you can do about it. It's f***** up but hey, it's life. People have no respect. And as for thinking and feeling with "their dicks", it goes both ways. My ex GIRLFRIEND left me for another guy but when she dumped me she told me she still loved me. I don't suppose she was thinking or feeling with her vagina now was she? lol. When she left me for this other guy and told me she still loved me, I took that as she will always love me because of what we had but isn't IN LOVE with me anymore because she wants to be with this other guy now. She used me...

NoMoreJerks Established Member

NoMoreJerks

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I don't suppose she was thinking or feeling with her vagina now was she?
If she left you for another guy, she probably was........ it means she was considering other options while still in a relationship with you, instead of getting out of the relationship because it wasn't working for her, and then happening to meet someone.

 

will always love me because of what we had but isn't IN LOVE with me anymore because she wants to be with this other guy now. She used me...
Bullcrap. Love you because of what you had together? If she loved what you had together that much, she wouldn't have left you. She's fond of the memories -- I would be fond of amazing sex too. But that's hardly equivalent to "love."

 

LOVING someone and being IN LOVE with someone are 2 different things.
I fail to see the difference. Liking the memories you shared is not equivalent to "love." It's just "oh, it was fun, I really enjoyed it, will always remember it." I have some very memorable experiences with friends too -- it doesn't mean I "love" them. If this is not a semantic mind-game, why not say, "I care about you", but I don't love you? Seems to me that most of the time it is a carefully-designed statement to keep you around as a fallback girl/guy, or do a FWB arrangement with you. Edited by NoMoreJerks
TopCat22 Established Member

TopCat22

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It's just words. A statement cliche that makes it easier for the dumper. The way I read it is simply that "yes, I still care for you and have good feelings for you, however I no longer feel romantically towards you". It's the seperation of loving emotional feelings (i.e. the type you have for family and friends) and attraction.

 

We've all been so conditioned to believe what love is, that a statement like this confuses us. I agree, however, it would be easier if people actually just said what they meant. It's not like it will hurt any less to dress it up in this way.

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