Mint Sauce Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 after a few emails back and forth, she initiates a text chat session. 10 min of superficial chat, with lots of smilies and little jokes, at some point it turns a bit more serious, i.e. she speaks about her work, and asks me what I do (even though I already told her that in an email). Then the madness starts: I say what I do, but she asks why I'm silent, whether something is wrong. It appears she doesn't see what I write, she goes "hello?" a few more times, but apparently doesn't see my reply. I close and re-open the chat session, and BAM, she seems to have made a 180 deg turn. In 1 line she makes clear that she doesn't want to talk to me anymore, and logs off. For clarity: she's 30, and on a serious dating site, i.e. basically looking for a husband. Bad luck that my first experience on a dating site is with a complete wacko? the red flag I should have perhaps picked up: she's a psychologist and owns 2 cats... Sigh.
River Rain Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 Some people don't understand technology. Your perceived silence offended her in some way. There's no way of knowing if a person is ignoring you or if their chat software is malfunctioning. I wouldn't say she's a wacko because of it. And certainly don't degrade yourself by saying a psychologist with pets is a red flag, you probably said that out of frustration I hope? She's on a dating site looking for a husband, so she probably takes things a lot more serious than others do. I wouldn't think twice about it. 2
Author Mint Sauce Posted October 13, 2012 Author Posted October 13, 2012 Some people don't understand technology. Your perceived silence offended her in some way. There's no way of knowing if a person is ignoring you or if their chat software is malfunctioning. I wouldn't say she's a wacko because of it. And certainly don't degrade yourself by saying a psychologist with pets is a red flag, you probably said that out of frustration I hope? She's on a dating site looking for a husband, so she probably takes things a lot more serious than others do. I wouldn't think twice about it. just to be clear, my parents are psychologists, so no disrespect for the profession, to the contrary ;-) although they know very well that many people with issues want to become psychologists...
River Rain Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 just to be clear, my parents are psychologists, so no disrespect for the profession, to the contrary ;-) although they know very well that many people with issues want to become psychologists... Everyone has issues. Lots of people who go into psychology are those who are trying to better understand the human mind and their issues on a deeper level, so I think it would be the opposite of a red flag, just my opinion. I guess your initial post made it sound a little derogatory because pet people are compassionate and kind as well. You just caught her on a bad day I suppose. 1
Author Mint Sauce Posted October 13, 2012 Author Posted October 13, 2012 the thing is: my gut feeling (and I'm relatively tech savvy) is that the chat software didn't malfunction... other strange things: I got her name, her job, and her after-hours job. Nothing checks out, i.e. there's no trace of anyone by that name doing these jobs in the small town she claimed to be from. I think she was a total fraud.
River Rain Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 the thing is: my gut feeling (and I'm relatively tech savvy) is that the chat software didn't malfunction... other strange things: I got her name, her job, and her after-hours job. Nothing checks out, i.e. there's no trace of anyone by that name doing these jobs in the small town she claimed to be from. I think she was a total fraud. Well, then you dodged a bullet right? That's the risk of meeting people online, you never know if they're lying or not. Always go with your gut feeling, it's there for a reason!
Author Mint Sauce Posted October 13, 2012 Author Posted October 13, 2012 I guess your initial post made it sound a little derogatory because pet people are compassionate and kind as well. I know, I'm sorry about that. Some frustration about missing red flags with my ex, I guess. We have a Golden Retriever at home, and we used to have cats. In principle I'd love to be with a psychologist with pets, just not this one then
River Rain Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 I know, I'm sorry about that. Some frustration about missing red flags with my ex, I guess. We have a Golden Retriever at home, and we used to have cats. In principle I'd love to be with a psychologist with pets, just not this one then LOL...you're funny. We do say things out of frustration sometimes, I'm not a psychologist, but I'm going into Criminology. I do have issues, like most people. And I do have pets! Maybe my own baggage made me take your comments too seriously too? Sure that's possible! 1
todreaminblue Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 after a few emails back and forth, she initiates a text chat session. 10 min of superficial chat, with lots of smilies and little jokes, at some point it turns a bit more serious, i.e. she speaks about her work, and asks me what I do (even though I already told her that in an email). Then the madness starts: I say what I do, but she asks why I'm silent, whether something is wrong. It appears she doesn't see what I write, she goes "hello?" a few more times, but apparently doesn't see my reply. I close and re-open the chat session, and BAM, she seems to have made a 180 deg turn. In 1 line she makes clear that she doesn't want to talk to me anymore, and logs off. For clarity: she's 30, and on a serious dating site, i.e. basically looking for a husband. Bad luck that my first experience on a dating site is with a complete wacko? the red flag I should have perhaps picked up: she's a psychologist and owns 2 cats... Sigh. studying psyche is helping people to become more in tune with their emotions and handling different situations that are often hard to deal with on their own i would be more worried if i were you if she was an embalmer who had a full collection of silkworms with a spinning wheel in the corner of the room.or deaths head moths...i think that would be a red flag.....if she ever says "put the lotion in the basket my precious" as she drags you down to an unlit cellar you should have seen the red flag before the cellar an mortician with an aviary of lizards...yep possible red flag......especially if she wears lizard skin boots ...good luck....i hope things work out for you..deb 2
Author Mint Sauce Posted October 16, 2012 Author Posted October 16, 2012 just to finish the story: I got an email with apologies. Turns out I caught her at the wrong moment of the month... I still have so much to learn
mammasita Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 LOL, PMS is not an excuse for that. She sounds plain crazy. Definitely dodged a bullet there! 1
Author Mint Sauce Posted October 16, 2012 Author Posted October 16, 2012 LOL, PMS is not an excuse for that. She sounds plain crazy. Definitely dodged a bullet there! too bad I decided to step back in the line of fire yesterday evening... She initiated another chat session. This time all very nice for almost 3 hours of chatting. She proposed to meet in real life at the end, with a lot of enthusiasm, but we couldn't find a suitable date in the very near future, and that killed her interest apparently. Today I noticed she removed me from her favorites. But after that still came back to look at my profile. Plain crazy it is then... too bad, she was truly interesting.
River Rain Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 I think she's using you because she's lonely, and she knows you'll respond. If she really wanted to meet with you, she'd find a way. I had a guy doing that with me on OKCupid, I eventually just blocked him because I felt like he would only try to have discussions with me when it was convenient to him. When I would ask "do you want to meet for coffee", that would be it for the chatting!
raea Posted October 16, 2012 Posted October 16, 2012 just to be clear, my parents are psychologists, so no disrespect for the profession, to the contrary ;-) although they know very well that many people with issues want to become psychologists... As a psychologist, I have to wonder who the "they" is. I hear the same adage about my specific population - substance abuse. That we only go into it because we're former addicts, but most of my colleagues (myself included) have no prior addiction history. not to bust ya on this, but it's a pet peeve. As for her, WHO knows. Be glad that you found out that it isn't a match and move on
Author Mint Sauce Posted October 18, 2012 Author Posted October 18, 2012 As a psychologist, I have to wonder who the "they" is. The "they" referred to my parents. They taught and trained hundreds of young psychologists, and many of those candidates were too unstable/damaged to be allowed to become professional therapists... As for her, WHO knows. Be glad that you found out that it isn't a match and move on Yes, well, about that She liked my profile again, i.e. re-opened the communication channel on this platform. I sent her a rather rough email with the basic message that the image I'm getting is that she's toying with me either out of boredom or because she's a train wreck. And that I want her to cut the crap and say what exactly she's after. It didn't go down well, but of course now I regret the aggressive tone of my email. Damnit, 5 months out of a toxic relationship, and the first woman I meet that picks my interest is probably even more toxic. Perhaps I need to take a 5 year break instead of 5 months.
River Rain Posted October 18, 2012 Posted October 18, 2012 \ Damnit, 5 months out of a toxic relationship, and the first woman I meet that picks my interest is probably even more toxic. Perhaps I need to take a 5 year break instead of 5 months. No you don't need a five year break...maybe you just need to learn to take things more slowly. You'll meet many women along the way, but not everyone of them will be compatible. I'm the same way, I met someone fresh off my break and got a little too involved when it was really not worth it and in hindsight, I saw a lot of similarities with him and my ex...I just basically went for the "same" guy. We just need to learn how to slow things down and be a little more choosy maybe. 2
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