Back together but things not right :-(

[littlegirl35]

Just wanted your advice I am input on a situation, as I'm pretty confused and sad by it all. Basically I think I'm being taken for a ride!

 

january this year I broke up with my partner of 5 years. Coincidently the next week I met a guy, a work colleague. He had a partner of 7 years at the time. Within a month he confessed he was in love with me, had broken up with his partner who he was not happy with to be with me. I really did like him a lot and want to be with him but I knew I was in no fit emotional state to start a relationship which i made very clear at the time. It put me in an awkward position but he really wanted to help me through it so we started a relationship whilst he openly accepted and helped me grieve.

 

I took my breakup with my ex extremely hard. My new guy was chasing me really hard though, He was madly in love with me and wore his heart on his sleeve and we frequently went out, and he told me he loved me, and he was basically an amazing boyfriend! However I was grieving badly and severly depressed. And at times could barely function. Around July this year the stress caused our relationship to breakdown and we broke up.

 

We work together although in different departments so it was in my best interests to stay friendly. We tried to be friends after the breakup but it was really hard and eventually we drifted apart.

 

In the last month we have started talking again and decided to start dating again, Now I'm in a much better place emotionally. The problem is that he is completely different now, he said he wants to take things extremely slow and when I told him I still love him he totally freaked out and said he couldn't handle such strong emotions! We never go out all he does is come round my house and we end up making out, and never talking. He hasn't once told me he loves me or bothers taking me out.

 

I'm starting to feel really stupid and like I'm being taken for a ride. I don't really understand what's changed, I'm feeling really lost and confused. I can't even tell him I love him. We are technically dating but I don't know if he is seeing other people, I'm too scared to ask. We never talk. He never calls and hardly texts. We see each other two times a week during the week and then he disappears at the weekend. When I asked him what has changed and why he's being distant all he said was that he's scared of getting hurt again, And that is really stressed with work which I know he is. However I didn't try and hurt him before i was just in a bad place.

 

What do people think should I hang in there and try and reassure him or just call it a day? I'm feeling really exhausted and down from it all. The whole thing is making me feel quite bad about myself. I can feel my self-esteem dropping by the second. I just feel like I'm a compromise and he doesn't really want to be with me, Making do until something better comes along. It's Heartbreaking though, I have had a hard year but I fell in love with him and I really want to be with him and make it work. I know if I initiate a breakup we probably will most likely never get back together again.

 

Thoughts?

Edited October 13, 2012 by littlegirl35

[River Rain]

I think what's changed is that you broke his heart, whether you tried or not. He was very vocal about being in love with you as you still grieved your lost relationship. He's being cautious now because he might be afraid things will break down again. If all you guys do is make out and not really talk, is that what you want out of a relationship? I think you should lay it on the line with him, tell him how you feel, what you want, reassure him you won't break his heart again and then let him decide if he can trust you again - within a reasonable time frame of course, so he doesn't string you along.

[Keke1]

My opinion is that he is dating someone else. You hurt his feelings by rejecting him. I think he wants 2 be with you but doesnt want that 2 happen again where his heart is thrown on the floor.