bonespockirk Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 its been about a week or so since we last talked... last time i called him crying and begging but when i realized how firm he was on his stance i asked for some closure. he told me he realized after 2 years that i am not what he wants and that he always felt pressured and rushed and that he is sorry for not being able to give me what i desired from him... I thanked him and told him goodbye i love you.... no contact since... most of the days im okay as i keep reminding myself of what he told me. Before he told me those things he asked 'are you sure you want to know because i dont want to hurt you'... thought the problem is... i still spend hours searching 'will they come back' and stuff like that, and i know with each day that i dont hear from him chances on his end and my end are getting smaller and smaller... but i've had a breakthrough already. as much as i love and want him still, i want someone who is sure they want me. im already at that point in life where im seeking a person who i can have a life with but he is not. And that person would have to be someone who does not give up on me, ever. My boyfriend forced me to give up on him way before he broke it off, over a year ago actually. I never wanted to though. This gives me comfort. Knowing that he could not meet this one need of mine... which is the confidence that i can count on him to build a life with. I hope that my heart will eventually stop seeking him. I feel like i know everything in my head but my heart is still hopeful somehow. I wanted him to be something he was not. I wanted him to see in me something but he couldnt. Yet my dumb heart still hopes that he will come back and that we will be together again. But i know that he wont... and even if he did... i could never trust his love, especially after realizing that i shouldn't have trusted his love in the first place. I guess so far i've accepted the break up, i've accepted the closure, but im struggling with the idea of forever gone and never wanted. Hopefully i will soon be able to accept those and then i should be healed with no emotional baggage from him. 3
River Rain Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 Great revelations! Your heart is not dumb, your heart wants love, closeness, romance, affection and desire. But I'm glad you realize it's not with him. Time truly is our friend in all of this. With time, that longing for what was or what could have been eases up. Getting your closure is what helped you to see the revelations. Mine just went silent on me and I never knew really what I did wrong, of course, I blamed myself entirely because I just didn't know. Finally he told me he wasn't ready for a relationship, but by then I just simply hated him. I wrote a list of what I didn't like about him, what lies he told me, our differences, what I gave up etc...I keep that list handy when the old heart longs for him again. That's a suggestion to help you on those days when you feel weak and hurt still. Keep going nc, you won't regret that. You'll meet someone who shares your desires and wants, trust me. It may take a little time, but he's out there!! 1
thembones Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 Your story is basically identical to mine. I too realized that she was firm on her stance to leave me. I got my closure a month after she left me and it did lift a weight off of my shoulders. I felt I got my questions answered, because for the first month I had so many questions that were unanswered. The hardest part was that I talked and asked questions for an hour, then I asked her if she had any questions for me. NO. The bitch said NO. No questions about anything. THAT was the only real question I should have asked her. She was so set on things, that she never even reconsidered it. Thanks for wasting my love for 3 years. And thanks for letting me buy a ring, just to have you leave me soon after. 1
Author bonespockirk Posted October 14, 2012 Author Posted October 14, 2012 thanks you guys for replying. it really does help somehow to know that others are trying to move on too.
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