madlyinlove Posted July 29, 2004 Posted July 29, 2004 after reading many many posts on this forum i've come to realise something. Girls around the age of 19-23 do not know what they want and if you are in a relationship with someone of this age you should never commit or promise anything until they have grown up. When a girl says i need time and space to find out what they want. don't believe that bull**** for one second. As soon as they say that the relationship is over. You maybe able to drag it out for another few weeks or months but it ALWAYS ends in heartbreak. ALWAYS!! ...read every post on this forum dealing with this issue and you will realise the truth as i have. I'm sorry for all those people going through this issue at the moment. But the best advice you will get is that you need to forget about that person even though you may love them. it is NEVER going to work or go back to how it was. Dump her/him as soon as possible and forget about them. Don't call them or see them ever. It will be really hard the first few weeks but in the long run you will thank me.
wolvie666 Posted July 29, 2004 Posted July 29, 2004 Yeah, it is a lame excuse. And immature as well. Though I do hope the my ex snaps out of it somewhere down the road. I don't know if I'll be around to see it or not, but I do still love her to death even after all the crap she's pulled. Saying she's in love with some guy she just started seeing like the last 7 years never happened between us... Insane. She'll learn her lesson and she'll be sorry.
hurtingandconfused Posted July 29, 2004 Posted July 29, 2004 Girls around the age of 19-23 I suppose it's not just in the U.S. eh?
popvix Posted July 29, 2004 Posted July 29, 2004 Well said, unfortunately my 25 year old girlfriend started hanging around with 22-23 year olds and it rubbed off on her! Sounds harsh but im starting to think people need to go through a string of painful, pointless, heartbreaking, shallow relationships these days before they know a good one when it comes along. Unfortunately i was mature enough to not need to go through these to know when i had something good... pity my ex girlfriend unfortunately lost sight of that. Her loss, i am the better person
Grev Posted July 29, 2004 Posted July 29, 2004 Originally posted by madlyinlove after reading many many posts on this forum i've come to realise something. Girls around the age of 19-23 do not know what they want and if you are in a relationship with someone of this age you should never commit or promise anything until they have grown up. When a girl says i need time and space to find out what they want. don't believe that bull**** for one second. As soon as they say that the relationship is over. You maybe able to drag it out for another few weeks or months but it ALWAYS ends in heartbreak. ALWAYS!! ...read every post on this forum dealing with this issue and you will realise the truth as i have. I'm sorry for all those people going through this issue at the moment. But the best advice you will get is that you need to forget about that person even though you may love them. it is NEVER going to work or go back to how it was. Dump her/him as soon as possible and forget about them. Don't call them or see them ever. It will be really hard the first few weeks but in the long run you will thank me. Wow, it's like you're telling my story... Yeah, she dumped me, after a year, went out with my friend on the day she broke up with me...
LikkleMissConfused Posted July 29, 2004 Posted July 29, 2004 Hey from a girls point of view, I'm 26 and I think I am very grown up. I have had to mature since my dad passed away when i was about 21 and I nearly lost my mum, taken care of and nursed her as well as being very depressed myself. I have two sisters who don't give a flying f*** about me and broke up a five yr relationship with a guy who used abused and cheated on my all way through and just recently found out, worst of all he made profit on the house that we bought, after that I am independant, and self suffient. Recently I have started to see this guy who stifles me, sufficates me and when I tell him I want some time to myself and space to catch up with freinds and basically to keep my own identity he doesn't understand. I'm not sure if any of you on this thread have experienced this or behaved like this, but since my experiences I have been this way. I yet have to meet a man who understands this concept. So if it was me as I can't speak for all women if I didn't want to be with a person I would say so, if I wanted time and space I would say so, but from my experience when I have told a man I want some space he over reacts behaves stupidly and reads into it and ends up pushing me away even more. I'm just talking about my experiences if it helps. So please don't be so harsh and look at every situation individually don't play games which I admit I used to whne I was younger, but leave it alone and see what happens. Not all experiences are going to be the same.
popvix Posted July 29, 2004 Posted July 29, 2004 I think the point he made was quite good, a little gender biased perhaps.... but theres just as many men who go through exactly the same kind of "phases" in life which make them say and do alot of equally hurtful things. We men have some inbuilt urge to prove our ability with the opposite sex in order to back up our ego's which lead us to bein unable to commit when the pressure comes on us from women to suddenly become faithful, sensible and devoted... so you see alot of women on here who are frustrated with their partners suddenly backing out of relationships as things are moving on etc etc. I think women find it easier to go past that stage that men hit a tension point, but seem to get cold feet deeper on into the relationship wheras the men that do make it past the "commitment" stage, seem generally happy with their choices and are willing to roll with it. Of course this isnt an accurate representation of every person out there but we can see alot of patterns with the male v female breakup stories on here.....
JONYX18 Posted July 29, 2004 Posted July 29, 2004 I THINK IT IS A VERY BAD GENERALIZATION IM 21 F AND IVE HELD 2 3 RELATIONSHIP FIRST ONE I ADMIT I WAS WAY TO YOUNG AND IT WAS BASICALLY MY FAULT BUT THIS LAST RELATIONSHIP IDID MYHARDEST TO MAINTAIN UNFORTUNATELY MY EX WAS ALSO MY AGE AND HE NEEDS ALOT TO GROW UP I WAS THE WOMEN AND THE MAN AT THE SAME TIME IN THE RELATIONSHIP I WOULD HAVE TO PUSH HIM TO WORK HE WAS CONSTANTLY CHEATING LIEING SNEAKING OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHTS LIKE A 13 YR KID SNEAKING OUT OF HOME FROM THERE PARENTS I WAS ALWAYS FAITHFULL MAITAINED MY HOUSEHOLD DUTTIES (COOKED CLEANED LAUNDRY ) READY FOR WHAT EVER WHEN EVER I TOOK CARE OF THE BILLS AND WENT TO SCHOOL AND NOT ONCE DID I EVER CHEAT I WOULDN'T GO OUT WITH MY FRIENDS BECAUSE HE DIDN'T APROVE OF THEM IM YOUNG I WANTED TO HAVE FUN AND PARTY AND FLIRT BUT I NEVER ONCE DID I NEW WHERE MY PLACE WAS NEXT TO HIM NOW IM CHILLEN WITH MY SISTER WHOM IS 19 AND HER FRIENDS AND MY FRIENDS WHO ARE ALSO 21 AND IM GETTING CRITICIZED BY MY OLDER FRIENDS WHO SAY IM ACTING LIKE A 15 YR OLD GIRL WHY CUZ IM CLUBBING I MOVED BACK IN WITH MY PARENTS I BOUGHT MYSELF AN EXPENSIVE CAR (THAT I AND I ALONE PAY FOR) AND I DRINK SORRY IF THAT MAKES ME A KID THAN IM VERY SORRY BUT I FEEL I'M ACTING JUST FINE I STILL PAY ALL MY BILLS GO TO SCHOOL DIFFERENCE IS I HAVE FUN NOW
Author madlyinlove Posted July 30, 2004 Author Posted July 30, 2004 To give you an idea of the workings of my ex-g/f's mind. Only a week before she said she needed "time and space" she was saying things like.... "I love you babe with all my heart, i can't wait to marry you. it would make my so happy" "i love you sooo much, i'm so scared that you will change your mind about me, i don't ever want to lose you, i want to make you happy" "I'm so scared that something is going to tear us apart, i love you and i want us to be together 4ever" Because i had fell madly in love with her, I said i wanted to marry her too. How ironic that she was the one to tear us apart. Just to clarify, she was the one clinging to me and calling me and messaging me about 3 to 4 times a day. Please people, read all the post on this forum concerning this issue and you will realise that a g/f around the 19-23 should not be trusted. Do NOT believe what she says until she is older and more mature. I'm not saying that you should not date girls around this age, but just be very careful, guard your heart and take it slow. Remember actions always speak louder than words!
wolvie666 Posted July 30, 2004 Posted July 30, 2004 Yeah, even when my ex was seeing this guy after the split she was saying stuff to me like, "I'm so afraid to lose you." and, "I know someday I want to be with you." She insists she is in love with this guy, but she doesn't know what the hell she wants. I stopped and talked to her mom today (I know the ex would not be around) and she told me how my ex does nothing but sleep when she's at home and when they are out working (they have a cleaning business) she never talks and is constantly biting her thumb (something she does when she is upset and really worried about something). Then her mom said that after I left her house when she told me how she was in love with this guy that she made the comment, "guess we won't be seeing him here anymore." To which my ex answered, "No, he'll still be around." It's like she wants me there as backup because she's still mixed up, but I'm not gonna be there and she's gonna realize that I moved on and she's gonna freak out. Ha Ha.
Good heart Posted July 30, 2004 Posted July 30, 2004 I had a girlfriend around the age of 23 who made me fell in love with her and then left me for the time and space issue. I really feel sorry for young girls, most of them still do not know what they want from life and especially the ones with minimal college education and who are struggling to make ends meet, they are under severe social stress to achieve in their lives and I think I have no right to impose myself on her, i just say what I feel and leave her alone. when they mature up and find a job and become secure, one can then judge them. Life is hard and sometimes a boyfriend is a stressor, for those looking for a long term relationship , hit on 25 and above + a secure job otherwise you will be tormented by the girl since it is not her fault , it is our society that made us this way... Despair is typical of those who do not understand the causes of evil, see no way out , and are incapable of struggle, the modern industrial man does not belong to the category of such classes... just a thought
xeon124 Posted July 30, 2004 Posted July 30, 2004 ehh... I'm sure that it probably had a lot to do with guys reaction to the girls too, and not just the girls being manipulative bitches... I bet, if half the guys would just give the girls the needed space that they ask for, the relationship would still be on... unfortunatly, we don't I think it has something to do with a man's nature to want to "fix things" that are broken... we really are dumb, aren't we?
Author madlyinlove Posted July 30, 2004 Author Posted July 30, 2004 Originally posted by xeon124 ehh... I'm sure that it probably had a lot to do with guys reaction to the girls too, and not just the girls being manipulative bitches... I bet, if half the guys would just give the girls the needed space that they ask for, the relationship would still be on... unfortunatly, we don't I think it has something to do with a man's nature to want to "fix things" that are broken... we really are dumb, aren't we? I thought that too, but you soon realise that there is absolutely nothing you can do to make it better. If you give her space, she thinks you don't care and she will leave. If she has to take time to think if she is in love with you, then she obviously is NOT. and if you give her too much space and time, she will eventually cheat on you. I'm telling you, there is absolutely NOTHING you can do. Once she uses the "time and space" excuse the relationship is 100% over. Tell her the second after she says it ... ok thats nice, cya later! Trust me, this is the best advice you will ever recieve. ...i know alot of you will not listen to this and try and fix it...but i can guarantee that it will be over eventually...save yourself all the pain and heartbreak.
xeon124 Posted July 30, 2004 Posted July 30, 2004 Originally posted by madlyinlove I thought that too, but you soon realise that there is absolutely nothing you can do to make it better. If you give her space, she thinks you don't care and she will leave. If she has to take time to think if she is in love with you, then she obviously is NOT. and if you give her too much space and time, she will eventually cheat on you. I'm telling you, there is absolutely NOTHING you can do. Once she uses the "time and space" excuse the relationship is 100% over. Tell her the second after she says it ... ok thats nice, cya later! Trust me, this is the best advice you will ever recieve. ...i know alot of you will not listen to this and try and fix it...but i can guarantee that it will be over eventually...save yourself all the pain and heartbreak. Not trying to be arguementitive, but I've actually listened to a girl about time and space and we got back together once I left her alone for about a month... also, I was reading in some other parts of this forum about people getting back together, and they also had to have the "time and space" thing too. Ehh... but we could always be the exceptions to prove the rule... I dunno.
manofmystrey Posted July 30, 2004 Posted July 30, 2004 Hey madlyinlove I agree with u 100 percent but it works both ways. My ex who i was engaged to for 2 years and we were together for 7 years decided that she needed time apart from me because of her brother suicide and she wanted to get her head together. i said sure that is a big thing that happened to her well i come to find out that she was dating another guy and when I caught her she told me that she has been with him for like 2 years and that meant that she was with him when we got engaged. She turned around and told me that it was all my fault her brother was an abusive jacka@# to her. She said it was all my fault that the 2 of them had a bad relationship and crap like that. I should have let the guy kick her a@# everyday cause that is what she deserved. Then she tells me that she also does not want to be with me cause i have no education and she is finishing med school. Here is the kicker i was working 2 jobs and left school to help her pay her bills and school fees. My advice is that if someone tells u they need time away from u after years together leave him/her cause they are not worth the time or effort.
HoldOn Posted July 30, 2004 Posted July 30, 2004 Um yeah. You guys think that ONLY girls between the ages of 19 and 23 pull this crap on you. You're dead wrong. Young guys do it too. In fact, I would say that men and women of all ages can be jerks. No gender or age requirement! If ANYONE says they need time and space I would say that it's over and move on.
faux Posted July 30, 2004 Posted July 30, 2004 "Time and space" is used by both men and women as a sorry attempt to spare the feelings of another. Sparing ones feelings only leads to one feeling more pain than the original situation would have caused. I have never known anything good to come out of such a situation. I believe that people should be more honest with their intentions. There have been quite a number of "stalker" and "harassment" stories which could have been prevented, had only the communication been clearer. Had one individual announced clearly that he or she no longer wanted to speak with the ex, and that the relationship was over, much trouble would have been avoided. I have noticed that persons who are firm, and perhaps a bit cruel, in their explanations during breakups often have little problems to deal with. The ex is not left with any question as to whether or not communication is desired, if there is any "chance", and what would happen if the ex did not respect the wishes of his or her past partner. Individuals who choose to be nice, and spare feelings, often have to deal with jaded and confused exes, who often end up causing quite a bit of bother unintentionally. In my mind, it is quite a good idea to assume that "time and space" means "end of relationship, move on." Whenver I get a "time and space" excuse, I feel it necessary to announce that I would have thought this person would have more respect for me, than to lie to me and string me along. I then ask that they show me some respect, and say what they truly mean. Something to the effect of "this relationship is now over" usually follows.
sally1530 Posted July 30, 2004 Posted July 30, 2004 my ex-to be husband... cheated on me, then kicked me out the next day, demanded the ring back, I gave it to him and he wanted me to pay half of a 18,000 wedding that never happened.... I didnt pay the half he wanted, he hates me now, havent seen, talked to in 3 months... only a couple of nasty grams to each other last and final one was a month ago... Im done... I cant believe he toyed with my heart and dreams... and then tried to take me to the cleaners.... Hes 38 single now, never married, no kids, and isnt honest and doesnt respect women.....he wanted the big wedding, I wanted to go to vegas... he made me plan for 4 1/2 months a 180 person wedding, and then had me cancel it all in 2 hours... ugggg... Its interesting to see how he view relationships, committment, engagement and marriage... I guess thats why he f*cked a married women before me...because he could get what he wanted out of her and not have any responsiblity or commitment... I feel used, cheated, and treated unfairly... I feel abondoned , exposed and betrayed to the highest extent... it sucks that he did this to me on purpose... what a smuck. Oh, and T*m S. if your reading this... I hope you understand what an A*shole you really are!!!! Get some professional help for your s*x adddition....
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