pacattack81 Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 I'm re-posting this in the hopes that the spacing comes out this time. Hopefully a moderator can delete my previous thread. I just stumbled across this site after typing my question into Google hoping for some guidance. Lol...Google can find the answers to everything right? I read some other threads and you all seem so helpful I thought I would post my situation here. I know it's long but I started writing and just couldn't stop. It helped writing it all actually. So I've been dating this girl for about 1.5 months. We've gone out a total of 5 times. I met her on eHarmony and we've gone out nearly every Saturday and have communicated with one another in some way shape or form every day since we first met. We live a little over an hour away from each other so it's been hard to see each other more than once a week with work and the long commuter. She doesn't drive a car so we take a train into NYC and meetup there. I'd say things have gone well since we've known each other. We don't have a huge connection, but we seem to enjoy spending time with one another. So she calls me 2 days ago and starts the conversation out with I'd like to see you more often, but I'm also not really sure we're 100% compatible. For what it's worth, she has always seemed like a checklist kind of girl where the guy needs to meet everything on the list before shes happy. So she tells me that I'm a good person and nice and goes on to state some reasons why she thinks we're not compatible. Much of her reasons were really silly and we both agreed they weren't reasons to end a relationship, but she did want some time to think things over. Fast forward to later in the night and she goes on to say I'm not really sure how I feel about you whether we're friends or something more, but I'd like to continue seeing you and figuring it all out. All of this certainly didn't make me feel all warm and fuzzy. I did explain to her that it was important to me that to continue things that she at least enjoys spending time with me and is interested enough to think of me as more than just friends. I didn't get the positive response I was looking for. We've gone on 5 dates so she should have some idea how she feels. Reluctantly I decided to make plans with her this Saturday. Fast forward to today...I'll consider today to be Friday since we're only 3hrs into the morning. We didn't speak at all on Thursday(the first time in the 1.5 months we've known each other). Today she texts me asking how I am and asks me if everything is okay. I call her after work and we talk about our day like usual and she brings up the date we planned for Saturday and asks if we're still going to meetup. I start to tell her I have some concerns about what we discussed the other night. She goes on to apologize and say that she didn't really mean to say we were totally incompatible. just that we're compatible on some things and others we're not. Again I told her that before we move on it's important that I know she enjoys spending time with me and that shes interested in seeing us as more than just friends. She continues to say she isn't sure and doesn't want to lead me on. My fear is that if I continue to see her that eventually down the road she's going to say sorry but I'm really not interested. Essentially it would be like I was dumped twice. So she goes on to say that she totally understands how I feel and suggests that we're probably not right for each other and that it would probably be best if we part ways. I said yea I guess that would be best and shortly thereafter we said goodbye. She is a really nice girl and I do appreciate her honesty, but it also feels like I'd be putting myself in a really crappy position by dating someone I like that doesn't really feel the same way. Did I/We make the right decision? Maybe I made a mistake and should contact her. A part of me thinks that I should have just taken a chance and seen where things went, but a larger part of me thinks this really had no chance of working out. Your help is very much appreciated.
Appleness Posted October 13, 2012 Posted October 13, 2012 Hey Pac, Sometimes people go on dating sites and they're not really ready for a relationship. I know, it sounds like a crappy thing to do but I know plenty of my friends told me to do it after my BU. In your case, I wouldn't doubt it if she still has baggage from whatever lingering issues she still has. I hope they weren't really expensive dates but it looks like you're out 5 dates and a month and a half of your life. Move on cause last thing you want is to start hearing her talk about an ex on date 6.... Good luck
Author pacattack81 Posted October 13, 2012 Author Posted October 13, 2012 Thanks for your comment Appleness. Check out your latest thread...I had made a comment. I'm trying hard not to contact her. Ultimately I want to be with someone that likes and cares about me. Even though its hard to see people and have things end poorly, I always hold out hope that the right person is out there.
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